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Love Advice Forum Thread: Can I get my ex back if he thinks we are incompatible?

  1. #1
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    Can I get my ex back if he thinks we are incompatible?

    My ex and I dated for 5 months and had been broken up for 1 month. He broke up with me because I'd always bring up his ex and compare their relationship with ours and I complained he didn't spend enough time with me in a bad way, especially during his stressful days from work. Other than these, we are compatible in everything else, similar interest, short-term goals, lifestyle. 2 days after he broke up with me, he sent this text, "I really wish it didn't have to turn out like this, cuz I like you a lot and made every effort to make it work but you can always say something to push me away. First I didn't think it was a big deal, but it's been half a year and still nothing has changed. I apologize for acting so cold. Anyway I really enjoy the trip with you". I didn't reply to this text at all when I received it. The next day he texted and thanked me for putting up some good words for him to his manager (I dined with his manager the past weekend) and he said I'm always liked and luv when I smile so cute and naive. Then a week later, I bumped into him in person and reassured his decision. He said he likes me but we will always fight if we date as a couple, so it's better off we stay friends. All these were 1 month ago. Since then we didn't contact at all for the next 3 weeks. Tonight, I had 2 mutual friends (my ex doesn't know that these 2 friends know we dated, so he thinks it's just a casual catch-up dinner) do the ice breaker for and set up a dinner. At dinner, we were all talking about where to travel to on wknds this summer. My friends suggested a lot of places that i've been to already and out of nowhere, my ex purposely asked if i've been to the place that we actually went together before and had really deep memories. I casually mentioned to them a trip i went on in May (when me and my ex were still together), but I never told him about that trip back then. So he became so curious and asked me when did I go and who did I go with.

    My questions:
    1. Is he completely over me?
    2. I really want to date him again and I know my jealousy and smothering pushed him away. What can I do to let him know that I've realized my mistakes and I'm different now?
    3. He's pretty passive in terms of dating and asking girls out. In this case should I not play hard to get and initiate contact?
    4. How do I reignite that spark between us? Is it okay to ask him to a casual hangout?

  2. #2
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    I would recommend a very open and honest conversation. Forget the mind games like playing hard to get.

    Tell him that if he'll consider spending time with you...you'll stop being clingy and demanding...as far as the time he spends with you...is concerned. Be willing to
    stand by that so you don't push him away.

    Allow your connection with him to be special without comparing your relationship with him...to other relationships had...by both of you.

    Be vulnerable and take the risk. It sounds like you want him enough to be willing to learn from past mistakes.
    Thank you for showing me, each and every day, how deeply loved I am.

  3. #3
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    Thanks for the reply. but at this point, I really don't think he's thinking of revisiting the reasons we broke up and me laying flat in front of him won't help. I just want to hang out with him first as friends and try to reignite the spark. So first I need to find out if he still cares or is apathetic. The day after dinner, I texted him (for the first time in 3 weeks) that he was being a nice friend by acting as a wingman to his friend to go on a dinner date (cuz i was introducing that friend a girl). He then texted back that he wanted to see me.

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  1. 07-10-2012, 07:25 PM

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