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Love Advice Forum Thread: How can I get my ex-girlfriend back when she ignores me?

  1. #1
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    How can I get my ex-girlfriend back when she ignores me?

    I feel silly even asking this here but I'm out of options. I went out with the girl of my dreams for about a month. It was the best month ever. I was into her and she was into me, and I have never been happier in my entire life. I never in a million years thought I would find a girl so perfect for me. It was magical.

    And then I screwed things up pretty badly and she dumped me. I did the usual post-break-up "temporary insanity" stuff...begging, gifts, constant texts and calls. Obviously, it only made things worse.

    It's been months and I still think about her constantly. I've gone out with other girls since then and I've had some fun, but none of these girls can hold a candle to my ex. I have scoured the Internet for advice and I've purchased a couple of those "get your ex back" books and systems, and they have good information, but it's not relevant to my situation.

    I did the "no contact" thing for about six weeks and then shot her a casual text. No response. I waited another two weeks and then tried another casual text. Still no response. If I keep trying I'll just become irritating and/or desperate, and I don't see any other options that will work out better for me. A lot of the advice these so-called "love gurus" give is all predicated on still having ties to your ex. Well, I don't have ties...I'm not friends with her on any social websites, I'm not friends with her friends in real life, I don't work with her, I don't live near her, and I won't ever run into her on the street. She won't ever see if I'm "improving myself" and she can't get jealous that I'm seeing other girls if she doesn't know I'm seeing other girls. Short of stalking her I don't see how I'll ever see her face or hear her voice again, and it breaks my heart. She's doing a spectacular job of ignoring me and cutting me out of her life.

    So I ask you, internet: what, if anything, can I do to get my ex to stop ignoring me? I feel that if I can just get my foot in the door I can get her back. I know she was as much into me as I was into her, and I know she didn't really want to break up with me but felt that she had to. But she's stubborn, just like me, and I can't break down the wall of silence she's put up. Does anyone have any practical advice? Please note that "get over her already" doesn't count...I've tried that already and it doesn't work so well.

    Any legitimate help would really be appreciated. I sincerely feel that this girl was "the one" and the guilt of letting her slip out of my hands is eating me up inside. Thanks in advance for your responses.

  2. #2
    Administrator LoveAdmin's Avatar
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    As you are finding out, there just isn't anything you can do sometimes. If she has decided it's over then its over.

    You said not to say, "get over her already" because you have tried that and it doesn't work so well. You also said it's been months. Sometimes that just isn't long enough. Besides, it has been months of trying to get her back and not months of dating other girl... so the attempt doesn't really count. It was half-assed.

    You have to stop trying to get her back in order to get over her.... and even then it is going to take some time. Acceptance is the first step

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    honestly what im doing is ignoring her. I told her I need space and in the past 3 weeks we've talked 5 times and 4 of those times she was contacting me. But I have no idea what her motives are but I feel like it was a hey you broke up with me we are over and it sounds like she all of a sudden went holy crap I dont want him out of my life. so if you dont pay attention to her she might contact you but if not let it go. its not worth it. thats my mentality right now and shes suddenly talking to me.

  4. #4
    Senior Member haopee's Avatar
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    Here's the thing... even when you are asking us to tell you what to do, you never mentioned what kind of mess up you got yourself into. And we would probably be able to help you more if you did tell us. We don't judge but we would definitely appreciate more about why you are willing to say that everything was all great but she simply decided to break it all up. That thing you did may be the major reason why she has decided to no longer continue your ties.

    It's nice that you still tried to communicate with her in a civil way-without the tantrums and all. However, maybe what you really need to do is give yourselves some space... and not just a month space... more like a year space to get to meet other people and not compare every single date with your ex.

    Sure, she may be calling you... but don't immediately jump to the conclusion she wants you back. If she does call you, appreciate it and thank her although try not to sound too desperate (I know, it's too much to ask). The worst mistake you'd be doing is to make her feel pressured to get back to you.

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    sorry for my other messege I though it was a reply to mine. but if they went out for a month it sounds like she just didnt like him as much..
    Last edited by Kwiltse12; 09-14-2012 at 07:33 AM.

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    The key word here is "ignores" in your post title. She is ignoring you because she wants nothing to do with you. Don't try to get her back because it isn't going to work. It's over. Just move on because she is trying to and the ignoring is part of her way of getting over you.

  7. #7
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    Right. If she decided not to communicate with you, it only shows that she's moving on. She's neglecting your effort for reconciliation, why still keep that hope that she might change her mind? If you still want that last resort, the only thing I could think of is to contact her close friend as a bridge to arrange a meeting with her, in a restaurant or park perhaps and see what will be the result. Though it's a challenge but at least you try. After this, I hope you will come to your sense that it's really over and you should respect and accept her decision. Not only for her peace of mind but for yours as well.
    Last edited by dorothyperkins; 09-15-2012 at 06:35 AM.
    time2discover likes this.

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    Senior Member Sandra Piddock's Avatar
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    You went out with her for a month, which is not very long in the scheme of things. You thought she was the love of your life, yet you 'screwed up badly.' Am I right in thinking that because you pleaded 'temporary insanity,' what you really did was screwed someone else? No wonder she dumped you. If you can't stay faithful for the first month, when it's all so new and intense, it doesn't bode well for the future, does it? You've hurt her very badly, and she doesn't want you back. Process that information, deal with it and move on. It's the only mature thing to do.
    Want to read what I write about? Read my blog on Eye on Spain

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    Senior Member taskeinc's Avatar
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    Anon .. I'm going to help you. I'll talk to you as if I were talking to my 18 year old son (if you don't mind, and hope you're not offended .. call it TOUGH LOVE) ..

    You said this, "She won't ever see if I'm "improving myself" and she can't get jealous that I'm seeing other girls if she doesn't know I'm seeing other girls. Short of stalking her I don't see how I'll ever see her face or hear her voice again, and it breaks my heart. She's doing a spectacular job of ignoring me and cutting me out of her life."

    First of all, you don't want to stalk her, as you well know, that's illegal and it would make you appear to be a bigger WUSS than you may be (and yes, I would say that to my son). I'm not calling you a WUSS, because I don't know you, but you are certainly acting like a straight-up CHUMP. "And it breaks my heart." MAN-UP dude, you sound like Alfalfa on "The Little Rascals" and his crush on Darla, at least Darla did like Alfalfa. This woman is NO LONGER INTO YOU. Be a MAN, have some PRIDE, have some DIGNITY, and MOVE ON. Don't you have confidence in yourself to find another woman? Well.... don't you?

    "She's doing a spectacular job of ignoring me and cutting me out of her life."

    Dauhaaaa, she's not cutting you out of her life, she has CUT you out of her life. You are begging and pleading, trying to get someone back, who has made it OBVIOUS she doesn't want you back. You are setting single men back, all across the globe, some 50 years.

    Chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on. Next time you find someone you really like and she likes you, don't CHEAT on her, and you probably cheated with, or hit on someone she knows. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, that's not the point.

    This will be the second time I've posted this video, because it's true... "When a woman's fed up .. Ain't nothing you can do about it .. No matter how much you beg .. Trust is out the door, she don't want you no more"

    Watch and take heed to the words of this song .. and you don't have to be an R. Kelly fan, just take heed to the words in the song!


    Last edited by taskeinc; 09-15-2012 at 07:15 PM.

  10. #10
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    I thank those of you who responded thus far. However, I am offended by the multiple implications that I cheated on my ex. I would never cheat on anyone, especially someone I thought to be my potential soul mate. Believe it or not, not every man is a two-timing scumbag who thinks only with his genitals.

    Secondly, to whoever described my efforts to get over my ex as "half-assed", I can certainly see how you'd think that. However, I actually had a relationship with a different girl for several months after my ex dumped me. She was a very nice, pretty girl who was really into me and treated me like gold. I tried like hell to be happy with her, and there was no reason I shouldn't have been. But there was something missing. That special feeling, that "spark" that happens when you know you're with "the one." Rather than string the girl along I had to break up with her because she didn't make me feel the way I felt with my ex. This is another big reason that I feel that I should be with my ex. Before I met my ex, every time I broke up with a girl I would pathetically pine over her in much the same way that I am currently pining over my ex. The difference was, when I found a new girl to date, my feelings for the previous girl would disappear. That didn't happen when I broke up with my ex and then found someone else.

    Finally, the big mystery "screw up" that caused our perfect relationship to crash and burn was not nearly as big a deal as my ex made it out to be. It's a long story that I didn't want to get into here, but since it seems to be a major point of interest, I'll give you the shortest version I can. For several years before I met my ex, I was involved in a complicated relationship with a girl that lived many states away. We were not "together" but we weren't really seeing other people either. Three weeks before I met my ex, I told this long-distance girl that things between us weren't going to work out and that we should probably accept that. She agreed and we remained friends, talking on the phone maybe once a week. I told my ex about this girl when we started seeing each other because I didn't enter any secrets between us. My ex immediately became jealous and asked me if this girl was going to be a problem; I told her that things between us were absolutely over and that I would have no problem telling her and everyone else that I was now in a happy relationship. However, the long-distance girl was still a friend of mine and I was waiting for the right time to tell her I was in a relationship. She was going through a rough time in her life (health issues, family problems, etc.) and I didn't want to pile on; I wanted to tell her that I had a girlfriend but the handful of times I talked with her were clearly not good times to do so. The next time my ex asked me if I had told her, I still hadn't done so. My ex got very upset about that, claiming I was considering some other girl's feelings over hers. I felt terrible, apologized profusely, and essentially cut the long-distance girl out of my life, but it was too late. The damage was done. Although I certainly see my ex's point, I don't think it was such an epic screw-up that it warranted breaking up with me.

    It's been half a year now since then. I have thought about my ex every single day since we broke up. I've had an entire relationship with a different girl and even that couldn't get my mind off of my ex. I legitimately fear that I will either die alone, or worse, spend the rest of my life committed to someone who is less than perfect for me because I blew it with my soul mate.

    While I certainly appreciate the fact that many of you have taken the time to read my post and respond, I'm just not going to get over her, and that's not why I posted here. I want to know what I can do to get her back. I know that many guys who have done things much worse than I did have managed to get back with their ex-girlfriends. I refuse to believe that my situation is utterly hopeless. While I'm not going to stalk her, I'm certainly not going to give up. If that makes me a loser or an idiot, well then so be it. But she means too much to me to simply forget about her and look for some other girl to fill the hole she left in my heart.
    Last edited by Anon; 09-17-2012 at 02:13 AM.

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