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Love Advice Forum Thread: Am I being insecure or are my worries valid?

  1. #1
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    Am I being insecure or are my worries valid?

    Hi,

    [please read the entire post before commenting - i really appreciate all your opinions]

    I met this girl online on a dating site she is 30, me 31... in the beginning, she came off as someone who got around, had a bunch of male friends and she even made comments like "i get around with men", "i'm not sleeping with anyone else yet"... so I never took her seriously... then, about 2-3 months after we met she had a male friend come over her house and stay over for a week... again, i was just looking at this as a casual thing... to her defense, i never took my dating profile off because i felt she was messing around, and I doing the same...

    more and more time passed, and fast forward seven months.. things have become a bit more serious, we are spending weekends together (before we didnt), and her mom comes from overseas to visit, and i spend time with her as well... but one day, she gets a call, and while i didn't hear it, her boss's wife accussed her of cheating with him (she works for a small construction company)... so after this, i became very suspicious and starting looking at her computer when possible, and came across an old email account, where she basically admitted to getting around with men (including married men, professor!, etc) and being interested in women... i think she realized i had snooped, because she said that those emails were not her, they were her ex-bf impersonating her to talk to other girls... anyhow, this makes me more suspicious but time keeps passing... finally, we book a vacation trip to the islands... now, by this time, i'm thinking things are getting more serious, because she has also done nice things for me... cook, clean, like wife sort of attributes... but then one day she gets a call from a married "friend" that is referenced in her old email account, and she agrees to hangout with him, the day after her period ends.. at that point, with me next to her, i couldn't take it anymore and told her i couldn't see her anymore, that she her male friends were really sexual friends etc...

    she agreed not to see him or any other male friends, and confessed they were once romantic, even though she denied it until i threatened to end it on the spot... i know later she did stop talking to these people (or at least from what i know), and has since become more trustworthy.... she has given me her phone password, and talked about children with me, introduced me to her close friends / family...

    now the problem now is that she has just gotten a new internship, and it requires her to travel, overnight... she has a one week trip in texas coming up in two weeks.. and i feel like im not sure if i can trust her... i feel like its too easy to mess around away, and being lonely in a hotel room... i know, cause i used to travel for work alot and i know what goes on... in one hand, even without a history, i'm not so sure i would trust easy...

    i'm so torn... i feel like if i end it, what happens if i meet another girl who has to travel for work... then i'll be in the same boat. would you guys trust someone like this? i feel like most wouldn't...

  2. #2
    Member CinnamonKiss's Avatar
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    I feel like your worries are completely valid. She has a long history of doing what she wants (whether she was in a faithful relationship or she was having flings, you didn't elaborate). Do you know if she ever remained faithful throughout a committed relationship? Have you two sat own and officially had a discussion about being committed to one another and one another only? If you haven't talked about it then you could have a lot of miscommunication going on. I feel like her traveling could be a huge problem and it's not because you can't trust people on business trips, but because she's displayed untrustworthy behavior before. If you guys are in a committed relationship then let her go on her trips but constantly access the stuff she's given you passwords to. If you find even a smidgen of evidence that she's cheating, break it off. She's not going to change at that point and you're better off finding someone who can stay faithful and committed to you.
    "Twenty of 'em wrapped up tight in silk"
    - Lana Del Rey ; Hundred Dollar Bill (Unreleased Track)

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    She was cheating on some guy while messing around. I feel like she has been serious with me though - I've been keeping a watchful eye. But I also have come to the conclusion of what's the point of going out with someone if there going to be 1000 miles away for days at a time. It just seems
    So perfect to cheat.

    She has been in other relationships that he was committed in but I think she got hurt and hence maybe her looseness. She is really good to me at times like I said earlier which makes me so confused.

    Quote Originally Posted by CinnamonKiss View Post
    I feel like your worries are completely valid. She has a long history of doing what she wants (whether she was in a faithful relationship or she was having flings, you didn't elaborate). Do you know if she ever remained faithful throughout a committed relationship? Have you two sat own and officially had a discussion about being committed to one another and one another only? If you haven't talked about it then you could have a lot of miscommunication going on. I feel like her traveling could be a huge problem and it's not because you can't trust people on business trips, but because she's displayed untrustworthy behavior before. If you guys are in a committed relationship then let her go on her trips but constantly access the stuff she's given you passwords to. If you find even a smidgen of evidence that she's cheating, break it off. She's not going to change at that point and you're better off finding someone who can stay faithful and committed to you.

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