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Love Advice Forum Thread: Can we make a long distance Relationship work??? What do you suggest???

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    Can we make a long distance Relationship work??? What do you suggest???

    Hi, I am a 30 year old mom with 2 kids, 9 and 7 years old.

    I'm in love with my best friend but he lives in Italy. We have been best friends for about 1 1/2 years. Recently we have talked about being together as more than friends. I love him with all my heart and feel like he is the ONE for me! He feels the same. Btw, This is not an online only relationship, we know each other in real life too.

    We both made mistakes at a young age and now we are tied down to our Exs due to the children. He is 31 and has a 10 year old daughter. He is not the regular every other weekend dad, he is really close to his daughter and he sees her maybe even a little more than his ex sees the girl.

    He and I have been having some serious talks about our feelings for each other and he suggested that we sit down and talk about some options for our future. Thing is, I'm not sure what options I have.. I couldn't dare take my kids away from their dad to another country. And I doubt his ex would move here to help us be together LOL!

    Kinda stuck, didn't expect to fall in love with my Bestie... HELP!! ANY SUGGESTIONS!??!?!??!?!????

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    I absolutely know LDR can work however I have one question. What do you mean you are each tied down with your ex's? Do you mean each of you aren't able to move due to the other's s/o preventing you from moving? Need more details. Honestly I think the best relationships are ones that start out as friends. I've been there (although not across the ocean) but I know 2 couples that are now married from LDR across oceans. No kids involved so it's more complicated with you. You both need to strategize and plan arranging meeting with each others kids, because if you eventually want to be together you will live in the same house. Come up with a plan. One of you will have to move. You really need to plan and be smart and take your kids into consideration. I don't have kids, but my first priority would be them and myself, not so much my ex. He/she is an ex for a reason. What you do in your present is your business. As long as the children are safe, not subject to danger and general adapt ok, I don't see an issue. First I still don't know what you mean by ex's holding you both back...are you fully divorced/single or each separated? If you are separated, that's still married and I would make the divorce finalized before even progressing forward in your new relationship. Even then, I would take things slow because in that case I'd have to wonder are you both each other rebound person. With that said back to your question, yes it's possible it can work if both individuals are committed to doing so.

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    Senior Member claudine's Avatar
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    You are best friends, you are in love, it must be good! I think you should at least give it a chance. Don't let the obstacles stop you, love is worth fighting for. How often can you travel to see him? Maybe he can travel to visit you? Traveling to each other should be good for beginning. You definitely should talk with him about this options, maybe he has some good ideas. Good luck!
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    Member beckyv1265's Avatar
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    Have you talked to your exes? I don't live anywhere near mine. But then my ex only shows up once a year for an annual visit. I would talk it over with them. Perhaps you can alter the childcare so that they stay with you part of the year and part of the year with your ex. I used to send the kids up to visit their dad in the summers. It was a nice break for me to have the summer off. I would ask and then come up with a plan.
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    We are tied down in the sense that, our children need both parents. I couldn't move there now since my kids are so small and need to be close to their dad. I think that it would be cruel to take them so far. And for him its the same, he has his daughter and she lives with her mother if he came here he would be away from her. He said maybe in a few years he could move. I'm a little afraid of him suffering with out her.

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    Senior Member Don Quixote's Avatar
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    I don't really know what to say. Personally I would put the welfare of the children above all else. Which means that you would have to keep up this long-distance relationship for at least another ten years. By which time you would be more than 40. Well, being 40+ shouldn't stop you from starting a new life with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Don Quixote View Post
    I don't really know what to say. Personally I would put the welfare of the children above all else. Which means that you would have to keep up this long-distance relationship for at least another ten years. By which time you would be more than 40. Well, being 40+ shouldn't stop you from starting a new life with him.
    Agreed.

    The kids should be the priority, and I'm pretty sure your children don't speak Italian, so it seems unlikely moving them to Italy would be a good idea.

    If you two have made it work thus far, why not just continue like this until the kids are old enough to be on their own?
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    No way... I have been there before.. Trust me it's so fake, when you're not longer in relationship wit that person.. I wasted 5 years of my life with a fake relationship person who only said he loved and cared about me, we met 2 times but the whole time was so complicated... Rather find someone in REAL life who wants to enjoy being wit you all the time... I always thought he was the only one and it was true love and that i will never find someone else, but the whole thing was just a illusion

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    Junior Member sweet's Avatar
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    sometimes the long distance relationship don't work out when people start really living together. That happened with two of my friends. May be you should try to see each other more often, offer him to stay in your place for a week, if it's possible, or stay with him for a week when on vacation or visiting him. When you don't see each other too often that's what keeps the relationship alive and the daily routine usually ruins it. Try to spend as much time with him as possible before deciding to move in together. Also if he really loves you he should do everything to be with you even to move to another country to be with you. Give it a second thought before doing some actions.
    may13 likes this.
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    Senior Member taskeinc's Avatar
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    I'll have to agree with DonQ as well, the welfare of the children comes first.

    Its a no-brainer to me, kids come first. As a parent we have to make quite a few sacrifices for our children but that would be one that actually would not be a problem. I can't imagine how your Italian friend would even consider disrupting his daughter's life like that??? And she's 10????

    Honestly (and please don't take offense), the only option I would offer you is that you can move to Italy with your kids, and we can be together, aside from that, we wouldn't even have the conversation. But that's just me, because there would be no way in the world I would consider moving to America unless my daughter was right beside me. PERIOD.

    Like DonQ says, if you guys still feel the same way about one another in 10 years, then you can make it happen. Otherwise just be content with maybe seeing each other once or twice a year, whatever the two of you can afford financially for the vacations abroad.
    Last edited by taskeinc; 08-22-2012 at 10:55 PM.
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