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Love Advice Forum Thread: Narcissistic family members?

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    Member Nelsha's Avatar
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    Narcissistic family members?

    How do you deal with a family member who is self centered and complains about everything? And on top of that, when you try to address their narcissistic behavior, they refuse to listen and counter it by telling you how just their actions are even if doesn't make any sense? How do you deal with someone like this? Honest answers please .

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    Wow, you sound like you know some of my family and hubby's family members! No matter what is going on, they turn the situation all about them. What I have learned to do is to ignore them. They will not change, so I have changed my reaction to them. I keep the subject on what we are talking about, and do not let them turn it into all about them. If for some reason it turns that way, I excuse myself from the conversation.I do not do many things with these family members because it is too stressful. Figure out if you want a relationship with them, or do you want to prove to them you are right.

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    Senior Member nene5's Avatar
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    I agree. Often you have to learn not to take the bait. They are self centered and crave the attention. They won't change unless they really want to. Usually, they don't!
    hatteubanal likes this.

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    Senior Member Lee11's Avatar
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    You asked for honesty and here's the thing: there is actually very little that you can say or do to remedy the situation. As long as they are narcissistic, they will not be able to take anything you say on board...it will always be everyone else against them.

    There is nothing more exhausting and defeating than dealing with people like this. I have two in my life, and I limit my time with them and do not enter into discussions or debates with them - too exhausting.

    Keep boundaries, accept them as they are and keep yourself relatively free of their influence. That is all I can think of.

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    Senior Member zaerine's Avatar
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    Well, we seldom see each other since we will only meet if there would be occasion or important event since we live quite far with each other. And whenever we are together, we just avoid to have conflict with them. It was right that ignoring them is better than having debates and end up with a worse situation.

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    Senior Member hatteubanal's Avatar
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    Thankfully I don't have a narcissistic family member. I have a couple of narcissistic friends though. I try to avoid them when I can. I sometimes fall into their trap though. I love my friends and I pity them if no one seems to want to listen to their problems so, I lend my ears and listen to them rant about themselves. I sometimes wonder why I punish myself with this but hey, that's what friends are for, right?

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    As a psychologist, and someone who has dealt with a narcissist for years, I have to say there is no hope. Even psychologists can't convince these people that they are narcissists. They will not accept it. Therefore, there's no use trying. Try the "smile and nod" method. That's really all you can do.

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    Senior Member haopee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roxanne_101 View Post
    As a psychologist, and someone who has dealt with a narcissist for years, I have to say there is no hope. Even psychologists can't convince these people that they are narcissists. They will not accept it. Therefore, there's no use trying. Try the "smile and nod" method. That's really all you can do.
    Here we have the "Yes" thing going on. And it does work occasionally.

    I do the avoidance thing. If I could simply avoid conflict, I would. Although there'd always be times that I'm caught with the drive to respond to them because their statements are absurd and you just can't shake the feeling that if you don't face it anytime soon, it will haunt you back.

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    Member Nelsha's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your responses! They've been very helpful. Yeah, the family member will never admit to being a narcissist even though everyone in the family can agree that he is. I'll try the nod method hahahah. It seems a little counterproductive but there doesn't seem to be anything else that can be done x.x. This family member was spoiled as a child and I think that may have a lot to do with the narcissistic behavior.

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    Senior Member clauemi's Avatar
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    I don't know if you have read my other post about my brother but he is same way. He is a complete loser and just steps all over my parents. He complains over the stupidest thins when he has never had any real problems and just does not give a crap about anyone but himself. I have tried to reason with him, we have argued, I've argued with my parents, I've tried getting him to hang out with other young males who are mature and I've even tried embarrassing him by telling our family what he is like. None of it has worked and so now I just ignore him. Yes it stressed me out that I have a brother that is worthless and yes I hate that my parents just put up with it but I am really sick of letting it stress me out. My advice to you is just worry about yourself and let this person be. It's their life they are wasting, don't let them waster yours.

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