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Love Advice Forum Thread: Sister-in-law and my husbands ex-girfriend are best friends.

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    Senior Member wahcashmom's Avatar
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    Sister-in-law and my husbands ex-girfriend are best friends.

    How would you feel about this? I feel uncomfortable, a little upset and nervous. The ex is always around when we go to visit my husbands sister and family. How can I deal with this issue?

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    Quote Originally Posted by wahcashmom View Post
    How would you feel about this? I feel uncomfortable, a little upset and nervous. The ex is always around when we go to visit my husbands sister and family. How can I deal with this issue?
    You haven't given us a lot of information but I'll do my best anyway. It sounds like you're insecure and I don't know if you have a good reason to be insecure or if that's a weakness that exists within you. You might want to discuss the situation with your husband because he might reassure you that you have nothing to be concerned about. Be honest with the man you love about how you feel and consider his response.
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    It would make me a little bit nervous if I had to deal with a husband's ex. However, in this case it sounds like the sister-in-law is the one who is more friends with the ex than anything. That is not exactly uncommon. Many times exes will keep in touch with families or families by the ex's marriage if they were good friends.

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    Senior Member Lucasmom's Avatar
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    Has your husband ever given you any reason to feel insecure about his ex? If not, then I wouldn't worry about it. He choose you which is why you are his wife and she is his ex. Just because she has maintained a friendship with his sister doesn't mean she has maintained a relationship with your husband. Treat her civilly when you have to see her, and then forget about her when you don't.

    If it really bothers you, talk to your husband about it let him know that her presences upsets you. It doesn't mean she will go away but your husband will be aware of your feelings on the subject and maybe able to calm your fears.

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    Senior Member wahcashmom's Avatar
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    Thanks so much, the advice really helped me a lot. My sister-in-law really have not ever got a lot to well. My sister-in-law always does thing to try and make my husband and I fight or stay away from the family. She is a trouble maker and likes to really cause people to pick her over anyone else. She does everything she can to make me upset or feel uncomfortable. We always call and let her know we are coming to visit before we show up, but for some reason the ex is always there. I am very secure with my marriage and my husband, he has made me feel so secure and I trust in him 100%. It is just my sister-in-law and her actions of trying to cause trouble.

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    Senior Member haopee's Avatar
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    You might want to talk to your husband about your feeling uneasy when she's around. I'm sure he'll understand as long you explain it to him with a calm approach. Men prefer direct explanations rather than just being told "I just don't want her around us."

    Is there something you should be worried about? Does your husband still talk about her or mention her in your conversations? If he doesn't, then you'll just have to accept that his ex will always be a part of your SIL's life. You shouldn't feel insecure, it will just make feel stressed for no reason.

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    I think that is one common scenario, and I bet the ex would do everything to make you feel that way. If I were you, do not let that affect you. Just act normally. If your sister-in-law cares for you, she should be at least sensitive enough to know that you are not comfortable with it.

    Most of all, never let that affect your relationship with your husband. It is obviously something that is beyond his control. If you nag him about it, it would only make matters worst.

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    Senior Member nene5's Avatar
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    This seems like something that you should not stress yourself out about. Since you trust your husband I suggest you be honest and tell him how you feel. Be direct but calm. In the end he would have to accept her advances and act upon them. They ex can throw herself at him all she wants. If he wants you, she won't have a chance.

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    You say this is an ex girlfriend. How serious was the relationship exactly? Does she have a significant other? Does she still have feelings for your husband? Does he still have feelings for her? I think these are all important questions to consider in this situation. If this was just a 2 week fling, well it might be best to not let her get to you. However, if they were together for a long time and contemplated marriage, I can see your concern. I don't suggest approaching your sister in law unless you guys are super close. That may end up in a nasty situation. Instead, maybe let your husband know it is a slight concern for you. If you're honest with him, he might be able to handle the situation with his sister or assure you that he is not into his ex.

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    Senior Member summerRain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wahcashmom View Post
    Thanks so much, the advice really helped me a lot. My sister-in-law really have not ever got a lot to well. My sister-in-law always does thing to try and make my husband and I fight or stay away from the family. She is a trouble maker and likes to really cause people to pick her over anyone else. She does everything she can to make me upset or feel uncomfortable. We always call and let her know we are coming to visit before we show up, but for some reason the ex is always there. I am very secure with my marriage and my husband, he has made me feel so secure and I trust in him 100%. It is just my sister-in-law and her actions of trying to cause trouble.
    Don't get too much affected by it. You have to believe in your husband and never let your sister-in-law to interfere your relationship. Just give your whole trust and be happy with your married life. I know it will be really uncomfortable but you have to get used to it and show to them that they cannot tear your relationship apart. Goodluck to you. Cheer up!

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