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Love Advice Forum Thread: What to do with a sister who doesn't communicate

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    Senior Member haopee's Avatar
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    What to do with a sister who doesn't communicate

    We weren't a perfect family to begin with, but we've always wanted to have our eldest sister communicating with us. The three of us are in constant communication with each other, only the eldest is missing.

    She had some issues with our mom and we won't take that against her. We ALL had issues with out mom. But we were hoping she'd also miss us and talk to us once in awhile. I tried telling her to install this and that so we can talk through messenger but she never does anything we ask. Should we just leave her alone? After all, we've already tried our best.

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    Senior Member Lee11's Avatar
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    I think you answered your own question with your last two sentences. You have tried your best, perhaps she just needs to be left alone...If and when she feels the need, she will reach out.

    Then YOU can decide IF you still want contact or not. Ultimately, it is up to you what you do with this.

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    Member trishP's Avatar
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    Just leave her alone with regards to the topic why she is not constantly communicating with you guys. Still try to reach out to her though whenever you can to say hello or to keep her up to date with what is happening with your family. She will come around one day and forgive your mother. A nightly prayer would not hurt as well.
    I don't know why they call it a heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. ~

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    Senior Member zaerine's Avatar
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    Try to send her messages or update her (if you like to) as often as you like about what had been happening in the family. Or even just simple hello and asking about how she was doing. At least she knows that you still think of her even she was not doing any effort to communicate.
    Maybe she just do not find reasons or does not feel wanting to communicate for now so maybe just give up in convincing her.

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    I wouldn't have the slightest idea of why your sister doesn't want to communicate but maybe she does it just because she likes her space and it doesn't remind her of the past. She might want to reach out or she might not but it's better to try to let her come around on her own.

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    Haopee,
    Ask your sister if she would like to keep in touch, and what would be the best way for her? She might not want to use a computer, and would rather talk on the phone. Some people even prefer to write letters and mail them! If your sister says nothing, then, let her know you love her, and you are there when she is ready. This way, you know you did do all you could. She also needs to do her part in the relationship. Good luck to you and all of your sisters.

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    Senior Member Lucky120's Avatar
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    See you answered your question haha. There are a lot of siblings like that now days and later they come to you when they need something. I hate that, but I would leave her a lone and keep on going. If she wants to talk again then she will come to you more than likely. I mean it is wrong for family to do that, but now days family think that they can do any and everything. Good luck to you both and hope everything works out after all you are sisters.

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    You can't make her talk to you. Sometimes family does not want to communicate, so you just have to let them be. Maybe one day she will come around. If not, at least you three have each other.

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    Senior Member Don Quixote's Avatar
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    Just be available and make sure she knows that she can talk to you anytime she wants to. Being family is basically just that. Everyone needs their own space to live. Being family doesn't mean having to get into a huddle every few hours.

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    Senior Member haopee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fancyfingers View Post
    Haopee,
    Ask your sister if she would like to keep in touch, and what would be the best way for her? She might not want to use a computer, and would rather talk on the phone. Some people even prefer to write letters and mail them! If your sister says nothing, then, let her know you love her, and you are there when she is ready. This way, you know you did do all you could. She also needs to do her part in the relationship. Good luck to you and all of your sisters.
    Thanks. I do ask her if she could call me once in awhile because I miss her. And after a year of not being in touch, she calls and asks about me. Some of her reasons for not communicating are silly. One time, she told me that she deleted all the numbers in her phonebook which is why she couldn't keep in touch. My sisters would not believe this, of course. But I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky120 View Post
    See you answered your question haha. There are a lot of siblings like that now days and later they come to you when they need something. I hate that, but I would leave her a lone and keep on going. If she wants to talk again then she will come to you more than likely. I mean it is wrong for family to do that, but now days family think that they can do any and everything. Good luck to you both and hope everything works out after all you are sisters.
    True there are. She's sometimes like that but I don't hate it that much because it gives me opportunities to stay with her or communicate with her. She's in the US, by the way, living there for approximately for two decades now so we seldom see her at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Don Quixote View Post
    Just be available and make sure she knows that she can talk to you anytime she wants to. Being family is basically just that. Everyone needs their own space to live. Being family doesn't mean having to get into a huddle every few hours.
    We do our little huddles (messenger) once in two weeks. Sometimes, once a month. This is so all we have in our mind is missing each other. But I completely agree, everybody needs space.

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