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Love Advice Forum Thread: I'm beginning to hate my marriage

  1. #1
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    I'm beginning to hate my marriage

    I am 25. My wife is 24. We have been married for 3.5 years. Both of us are in pretty good health. I'm a little overweight (~15-20lb above "recommended") but not obese...I just don't understand.

    We have not been intimate in over 10 months. My wife claims that she has no sex drive, no interest in sex. For two years before that, we had sex, at most, twice per month, so I'm used to having to wait a while in between having sex. I enjoy foreplay. I've done everything I could to make things more enjoyable for both of us. She just doesn't "need sex like [I] do." For the first few months of our current dry spell, I tried to remain optimistic. At this point, I'm about at my wit's end.

    To me, sex is not just a biochemical act. It is the pinnacle of intimacy in a relationship. As such, I've felt little to no intimacy in our marriage for almost a year.

    Sorry to just dump like this as soon as I join this forum, but I've gotta ask:
    1. Has anyone else here had to deal with this?
    2. If so, does it ever get better?
    3. What should I do?

  2. #2
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    If you have no children get out while you can. I'm serious about that. I don't think it'll get better. If she doesn't want sex at 24 she's not going to want it at 30. I'm in the same place as you, only it's my husband who doesn't want sex. Unless you find a great marriage counselor and she agrees to go, I don't see what you can do.

  3. #3
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    I second what Clara says.

    24 is WAY too young to already be ixnaying sex. And if you are already unsatisfied with the situation, how on earth will you feel in a year? 2 years? 10 years! Besides, it's not really fair to either one of you to be settling for less than what makes you happy.
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    Ok wait. If you only had sex 2x a month early on and now none. What changed? Did she have babies? Was there infidelity? Something is missing? Does she have a medical condition? Is she asexual? Did she have something tramatic happen in her past, she can't get past? Something is missing? And you don't throw in the towel because of no sex for several months. Please tell me you value marriage a bit more serioiusly than that? Have you spoken to your wife with how you feel and your needs? What is her excuse? Try communicating and counseling. First step is speak up with what your needs are. This doesn't make sense. I feel like there is more going on here. And if you've expressed everything already, I don't know why you though things would change so much when you married her knowing you were getting very limited sex as it was.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Jessi's Avatar
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    Yes, it happens constantly, but usually there's a reason.

    For starters, could you suggest she see a doctor? While it's normal for a sex drive to wax and wane, it's not normal to just not exist for long periods of time without reason. Something could possibly be wrong if she's simply not interested at all.

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    Your wife might be frigid. If she has no libido and she never wants sex why are you still together? Do you have children? Does SHE want the marriage?

    A marriage, usually, has a life cycle; a beginning, a middle and an end. Toward the end a couple can become like brother and sister. I know this because that's why I divorced. She might, or might not, want sex with you again.

    I would encourage you to have a very open, honest conversation with her to decide what you're options are as a couple.
    Thank you for showing me, each and every day, how deeply loved I am.

  7. #7
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    this is a stage where something or the other is going wrong. you just need to concentrate on points as you said about your weight, so just look over it and the matter about sex would be not totally her mental stress but also her physical condition. you should sit and talk on the matter and try solving it. and if not solved can be solved via the help of astrology. the planets and atmosphere could affect and even black magic. so try solving any how if you want to continue.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybee517 View Post
    Ok wait. If you only had sex 2x a month early on and now none. What changed? Did she have babies? Was there infidelity? Something is missing? Does she have a medical condition? Is she asexual? Did she have something tramatic happen in her past, she can't get past? Something is missing? And you don't throw in the towel because of no sex for several months. Please tell me you value marriage a bit more serioiusly than that? Have you spoken to your wife with how you feel and your needs? What is her excuse? Try communicating and counseling. First step is speak up with what your needs are. This doesn't make sense. I feel like there is more going on here. And if you've expressed everything already, I don't know why you though things would change so much when you married her knowing you were getting very limited sex as it was.
    "Several" months? It's been nearly a year. And I agree with you that there may be underlying issues that need to be addressed, but if it really is in plain black-and-white where she just doesn't want to have sex, why should he stay? There's no kids, and like I said, if it's gotten to the point of no sexual relationship ALREADY, who wants to spend their life in that kind of marriage? I don't, and I'm not even a guy. I wouldn't blame my fiancé in the slightest if my sex drive dropped off the face of the earth and he left.

    If there are underlying issues, then I agree with your advice to get help. If there aren't, and she's just not interested, he's perfectly entitled to leave, and I don't think he'd be wrong for doing so.
    My friends call me "The Love Guru" (but nothing like Mike Myers!).

    If you're looking for dating tips, I've got some awesome recommendations!
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    "Real Life" Dating for Women

    For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by herestolove View Post
    "Several" months? It's been nearly a year. And I agree with you that there may be underlying issues that need to be addressed, but if it really is in plain black-and-white where she just doesn't want to have sex, why should he stay? There's no kids, and like I said, if it's gotten to the point of no sexual relationship ALREADY, who wants to spend their life in that kind of marriage? I don't, and I'm not even a guy. I wouldn't blame my fiancé in the slightest if my sex drive dropped off the face of the earth and he left.

    If there are underlying issues, then I agree with your advice to get help. If there aren't, and she's just not interested, he's perfectly entitled to leave, and I don't think he'd be wrong for doing so.
    I'd agree with you however the only issue I see is NOT WORKING TO FIND A SOLUTION BEFORE DIVORCING. Other than that I agree, no one should stay in a marriage if they are miserable AND have taken every avenue to explore why there is a problem and actively work on it. So far from the post, the issue of the source of her asexual attitude hasn't even been discovered. I just don't like when people are quick to use the word DIVORCE when all options and avenues to find a resolution haven't been used. That's all. I didn't mean for him to be miserable in my post. If it came across that way, my apologies if I offended him.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Sandra Piddock's Avatar
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    Can you talk about this? It would appear not, as you are coming here for advice. I'm 60 now, but when I was 24, I was pretty much up for sex whenever it was on offer, even though I had two young kids. Assuming you have done nothing to turn her away from sex - and being a few pounds overweight would not do it if she really loved you - there must be an underlying problem. Tell her what you've told us, that you miss and crave the intimacy, not just the sex. Hopefully, that will make an opening into how and why this situation happened. If she won't discuss it, then you may have to face the fact that you are history as a couple.
    Want to read what I write about? Read my blog on Eye on Spain

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