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Love Advice Forum Thread: Lazy husband who won't work

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    Senior Member UmiNoor's Avatar
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    Lazy husband who won't work

    I have a neighbor who has a really lazy husband. They already have four children and the husband even has another wife. (Polygamy is allowed in my religion.) I really pity her. She has to work to pay the rent and feed her children and all her husband does is wait for some big project to land in his lap.

    He refuses to work a permanent job with a regular monthly salary. He likes to take construction projects that will pay him large sums of money but these projects are not always there. He can earn $20,000 at a time but then will be penniless for the rest of the year.

    I don't know if he's just lazy or just irresponsible. I pity his children. Do you know of anybody like this? What would you do if you have a lazy and irresponsible husband like this?

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    Senior Member AmazingLove's Avatar
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    Had I been a woman who unfortunately got a lazy husband, I would really think of divorcing him after trying so hard to convince him to work hard for the sake of the children. I would try to use the power of pressure by taking to his parents, brothers and sisters as well as friends. And if those are not enough to convince to change his mind, then I will work hard for the sake of the children and just ignore him. That means no sex for the rest of our lives.

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    Senior Member nene5's Avatar
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    Wow, I am not sure what to say. I understand some cultures allow more than one wife. However, he has some nerve! Not only does he have one wife and kids, he went and got himself another one!! Then he lazes about, and they have to support him? The two women should get together and boot him out. When he gets a job, then he can return. That is being a dead beat. There are children to support.

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    Senior Member Lee11's Avatar
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    There are many lazy men out there that will not work...but there are also so many that work so hard that one barely gets to see them. It is not easy being a man, I think. However, this woman took him on and will have to either stay with him and bear the consequences or leave.

    The children should not be pitied though. In fact, i know many individuals who came from homes very similar and they grew up to be amazingly strong and enterprising individuals. Life gives you what you need and this may be an indirect gift for these children - so long as he does not abuse them.

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    Junior Member BrittneyD's Avatar
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    My ex husband was extremely lazy. He did not want to work. Instead he wanted me to work as long as the place of employment met his approval. He was very controlling. He would only do a job if the boss allowed him to take off whenever he wanted. He would normally only stay for a couple of hours throughout the day and then get mad for not being paid for the whole day. I finally got tired of his attitude and left. He wanted me to work, clean, and take care of our son full time. He would call me at work and yell at me if I wouldn't leave work long enough to change our son's diaper. He would call me a bad mother and everything else. Your friend should not put up with this all the time. It will tear her apart if she does. I personally couldn't handle my husband having another wife, I don't know how she does it. If he wants to have two wives, and children, then he should help take care of them.

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    Administrator LoveAdmin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmazingLove View Post
    Had I been a woman who unfortunately got a lazy husband, I would really think of divorcing him after trying so hard to convince him to work hard for the sake of the children. I would try to use the power of pressure by taking to his parents, brothers and sisters as well as friends. And if those are not enough to convince to change his mind, then I will work hard for the sake of the children and just ignore him. That means no sex for the rest of our lives.
    I don't believe you should pressure people to do things. Dragging in parents, friends and other relatives is only going to make him resent you. I also do not believe in using sex (or the lack of sex) as a bargaining chip. This type of manipulative behavior is just not how you should treat people in my opinion.

    Instead I like to discuss issues and if the other party isn't willing to listen or simply doesn't agree then I have a choice to make. Either I can accept that is the way they are and love them for who they are... or I can re-evaluate whether or not the person I chose is really the person I should be with. I don't like to make demands, I like to make choices.

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    Is this part of their culture where she is expected to do all of this? I am just wondering why else she would put up with this?? Perhaps she does love him and it is not in the culture to divorce? I do not know. My husband was getting paid and not working (because he worked for a family business). I couldn't take doing everything anymore and did not think it was fair, so I did something really horrible and just quit my job. When I did this, he had no choice, but to get a real job. So,it did work out and now he works full time and I work part time (and then take care of the kids).

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    Senior Member Cecil15's Avatar
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    That must be really stressful and frustrating for her to go through. My husband can be a bit lazy at times, but he cannot stand the sight of my kids not getting what they need. I can see that he is loving his current job and now and I really hope that all his efforts will pay off in the near future.

    If I were that woman, I would not think twice and I will get a divorce. I can support and feed my kids all by myself anyway, so I don't need him. Getting rid of him will also keep me away from stress.

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    Senior Member UmiNoor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rachallen View Post
    Is this part of their culture where she is expected to do all of this? I am just wondering why else she would put up with this?? Perhaps she does love him and it is not in the culture to divorce? I do not know. My husband was getting paid and not working (because he worked for a family business). I couldn't take doing everything anymore and did not think it was fair, so I did something really horrible and just quit my job. When I did this, he had no choice, but to get a real job. So,it did work out and now he works full time and I work part time (and then take care of the kids).
    It's never been part of any culture, as far as I know, where the man doesn't work and lets the wife supports the family but where I live, it seems that the men are so lazy and wouldn't get a permanent and stable job that pays a regular salary. They prefer to work at odd jobs. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

    This neighbor of mine is not the only one. My husband has a friend who's also not working but instead his wife goes out to work. I always see him outside his house doing some yard work and when I asked my husband whether that man works or not, even my husband cannot answer.

    Seeing all these men make me appreciate my husband even more. He works hard and always try to supplement his salary by working over-time. I'm glad my husband is not as lazy as these men whom I'm ashamed to call my husband's friends.

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    Member angeldrb's Avatar
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    If I have a husband like this, I would give him a chance first to contribute something better to our family. Maybe we could work out with a compromise that he would take care of the house and kids while I work. But if he didn't agree with that, then I'll kick him out of the house.

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