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Love Advice Forum Thread: My Husband and His Boyfriend

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    My Husband and His Boyfriend

    So, as long as I can remember, I have been really into two men together in the same way that most straight men like seeing two females together.

    I am married to a man who has always joked about liking men, but had never done anything with them. Last year, he fooled around with a guy, with my permission, but didn't go very far with him.

    So, that brings me to a few days ago. He exchanged phone numbers with a guy we used to go to high school (the guy came and visited him at work.. from now on, we'll just call that guy Steve). They were flirting and I told my husband that it was fine if they decided to hook up. My husband went out with him that night and they ended up giving each other head but no penetration.

    Last night he wanted Steve to come over, which was fine with me. I personally wanted to watch or at least see them kiss because it is such a turn on for me. Well, Steve came over and it was awkward for bit. I told my husband to kiss him and didn't give him anymore instruction on what to do. I was being shy and was barely watching them kiss, just because it felt a bit private to me. Well then my husband started to give him head right in front of me. There was never a said agreement between Steve and I that I could watch. It felt weird to me because Steve is fully gay- he isn't bisexual so I'm not sure if he would appreciate a woman watching.

    They fooled around for about five minutes. I was watching out of the corner of my eye, but not staring. I fiddled around with the TV so I could look busy. I wanted to watch but nothing was said that showed me that I was invited to, I guess. Eventually my husband turned around to look at me and I said, "You guys can go in the room." and so they did. Then I just had to listen to my biggest fantasy happen without me being able to watch.

    Afterwards, Steve came out and apologize over and over again. Apparently he felt really bad. I think he thought I was jealous when that wasn't the case at all. I still couldn't bring myself to tell him that I wanted to watch. It was too awkward for me to admit that.

    So- after all is said and done, I still don't know what to do/what I should have done. I feel like I lost my chance to watch this happen. Should I have assumed that they wanted me to watch if they were doing it right there in front of me? Do you think that a gay man would mind a woman watching him and another guy? What can I do to salvage the situation?

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    I have never been in such a situation where by I would want to watch my man do another woman let a lone another man. I thing sex is a very private issues to me and reading your story feels like you are both not serious with each other. What will you do if he decided to move in with Steve completely, will you start getting jealous yet you encouraged him. if you have sex with him, you will also be having sex with Steve because i can assure you that they will continue having sex together.

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    I would never want to watch my husband with another woman. There are just certain things a man can do for a man that I cannot do for my husband, if you know what I mean. If he cheated on me with a woman, or wanted to have sex with another woman (he has never expressed that desire- in our entire marriage, he has never even called another woman "hot" or "sexy" in front of me). My husband and I are very serious about each other, but sex is sex. Sex and love are not the same thing. My husband and I care about each other more than anything in the world. It's hard to judge someone's entire marriage by what they do in the bedroom- but I understand, I used to do the same thing. Anyway, after the incident, when my husband saw I was upset from not being able to watch, he told me he'd never do it again and started crying. He honestly does not want to do anything that hurts me. I reassured him that I wasn't jealous and he seemed to feel a bit better about the situation.

    If my husband wanted to move in with Steve, then I would get a divorce from him. It would hurt me, of course, but I wouldn't blame it on anyone. I am allowing him to explore his sexuality and if it turns out that he prefers men more- well there is nothing I can do about that. It's like those women that will do anything to stop their husband/boyfriend from cheating.. really, if they want to cheat, then why stop them? Of course, I don't consider this cheating because it's not behind my back and I gave him permission. Also, he is only into guys sexually, not emotionally. If that changes over time, then that is up to him. Steve and Sean always wear a condom together, and we will not change that rule unless we all get STD tested first, so that last part doesn't bother me.

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    Jenna I see nothing wrong with your relationship. If it makes you both happy then continue doing what you are doing. My boyfriend and I have a girlfriend that will be moving in with us very soon. I love him very much and her too. We have talked about our situation and found that we would like to have another woman join our bed. There is no jealousy between any of us, we are all real good friends. SO i say enjoy what you have and keep up the communication between you two on what you want and need out of this relationship.

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    I think they would have been okay with you watching. I think Steve would understand that if he is going to be allowed to sleep with your husband, then you at least want to be involved somewhat. I would imagine if you talked to both of them and told them you didn't mind, you just wanted to be involved, you could get another chance.

    If you are going to be open enough to share your husband with Steve, the three of you should also be open enough to talk about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bross View Post
    Jenna I see nothing wrong with your relationship. If it makes you both happy then continue doing what you are doing. My boyfriend and I have a girlfriend that will be moving in with us very soon. I love him very much and her too. We have talked about our situation and found that we would like to have another woman join our bed. There is no jealousy between any of us, we are all real good friends. SO i say enjoy what you have and keep up the communication between you two on what you want and need out of this relationship.
    Thank you so much. Honestly, I never really understood the desire to have another boyfriend/girlfriend in the bedroom until recently. I was so critical about those who wanted it because I couldn't understand it. Now I definitely understand the appeal. Not only has it helped our sex life, but I feel liberated letting my husband explore his sexuality. I would have a problem if he wanted to bring a girl to the bedroom (different strokes for different folks) but he isn't the type to do that at all. Thank you again- I agree that communication is key. We both respect each other very much and we would respect each other's wishes if one of us felt uncomfortable.

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveAdmin View Post
    I think they would have been okay with you watching. I think Steve would understand that if he is going to be allowed to sleep with your husband, then you at least want to be involved somewhat. I would imagine if you talked to both of them and told them you didn't mind, you just wanted to be involved, you could get another chance.

    If you are going to be open enough to share your husband with Steve, the three of you should also be open enough to talk about it.
    That makes sense. Steve kept asking if I was okay with what was going on, but I just figured he meant in general- not if I was okay to watch. I will talk to both of them about the situation. You're right though- I should be able to talk to them. I guess it all happened so fast that I couldn't work up the nerve to talk about it. I'm actually really shy, so it takes a lot for me to talk about sex with people other than my husband.

    Also, I talked to one of my good gay friends and he said that when he has threesomes, he sometimes allows the girl to go down on him while he goes down on her boyfriend/husband. This guy is completely gay, but he doesn't mind. It surprised me. Being bisexual, it's really hard for me to relate to having sexual feelings for one gender, but not minding if the other gender is involved sexually. It is just confusing to me LOL.

    Thank you so much for the advice and the understanding! I know it's a strange situation and it's very new to me- but I'm very excited for what is to come.

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    Senior Member summerRain's Avatar
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    This is really weird. Do you really like to see your husband making out with another guy? I wonder what kind of trill it will give you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by summerRain View Post
    This is really weird. Do you really like to see your husband making out with another guy? I wonder what kind of trill it will give you?
    Is it really that strange? Most men like to watch two women together. It's just more taboo for women to enjoy watching two men together. It's just very sexy to me.

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    This isn't something I've ever thought about or been interested in but I don't think you did anything wrong. I mean, if they didn't want you to watch then they wouldn't have been doing it right in front of you. I think it's really cool that you and your husband are so open about things like that. I personally couldn't deal with seeing my fiance' with anyone. That would just freak me out. I think you guys are going to last because you obviously have a really strong bond.

    Good for you! I'm very happy for you!

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    Senior Member Don Quixote's Avatar
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    Don't try too hard. Just go with the flow. The chance will come again. Next time, just join in the fun. That's assuming that they are alright with that kind of thing. Otherwise just be a very interested spectator.

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