Boyfriend with jealousy problems

Discussion in 'Relationship Questions' started by ggpee, Oct 22, 2017.

  1. ggpee

    ggpee New Member

    Hi all,
    I've now been with my boyfriend for one year. It was a turbulent start as he was getting out of a 6 year relationship and I had been single for 4 years and have a colourful past..

    He really struggles to understand why I 'slept around' I put in quote because I don't think I slept with an amount of people that anyone would consider abnormal... However he has only had 2 previous sexual partners due to said long term relationship...(he was going to parlors after said break up with his ex but that's a different story) the point of mentioning that is we both have pasts and I don't think he has a right to judge me.

    one of the people I had slept once with is my brothers best friend, who at the time I really liked... but he had a girlfriend (it's really horrible and bad I know, I wish I could take it back). My brother has been friends with this guy for a very long time.... and once I realised he would never actually date me or be right for me I moved on and we remained civil for my brothers sake. My partner doesn't want to go to any event where the friend will be (which is most events) or have anything to do with him... Do you think I am asking too much for him to get over it and move on? It's something that happened probably 2 years before I met my current partner.

    My partner knows so much about my past because he knew my cousin a long time before we met, so my cousin blabbed too much... is this something that we can ever move past?

    I feel at a loss... any advice would be great...
  2. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    Unfortunately this is a very common problem without a simple resolution. First off- you don't have to apologize for having a sexual history before your current boyfriend. You are a free woman and have the right to be intimate with whomever you please as long as all parties consent. He has no right to judge you for that, particularly since he has "gone to parlours" and paid for it (and yes, that counts). He's not so innocent himself.

    We all come with a history and past relationships and unless you meet as kids or come from completely chaste backgrounds, that's just the way it is. Your boyfriend is going to have to learn to live with this fact and move past it, and if he can't handle it, he can move on. Your hook up with your brother's friend happened YEARS before you got together, so for your boyfriend to be so jealous of this that he refuses to join you for social functions if he will be present....that's showing you a level of insecurity and jealousy that may be hard for you to cope with over time. He has with been with for a year now, and that's plenty of time for him to see that you are faithful and committed. That is very unfair for him to keep judging you for doing perfectly normal things before you were even together.

    If he's still behaving this way one year in... all I'm saying is don't miss out on life because this guy can't handle your past. There are plenty of men out there that are confident enough to not give a damn how many (or how few) partners you've had.
  3. ggpee

    ggpee New Member

    Thank you so much for your insight, I wanted to make sure I wasn't the crazy one, and wondering if I was being completely unreasonable...
  4. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    You're welcome! You are NOT crazy for feeling uncomfortable about this, and certainly not unreasonable. I have been in your shoes before and it took me a long time to realize that it's never okay to judge someone for their sexual past. If you can't handle that I've been with many people, then I'm not the one for you. Period. Don't let anyone punish you for things you have no control over. What's done is done, and you can't change anything you did, good or bad.

    Your boyfriend can either learn to take his focus off things that have no bearing on your relationship, or take a hike. You are a package deal with many twists and turns, and he can't pick and choose which qualities he wants in you. When his needless jealousy is causing you to miss out on happy experiences with your friend circle, that's a real problem.

    There is nothing wrong with having "a past." It doesn't make you dirty or used or less valuable. If he can't see that, it's truly his loss because you sound lovely
  5. babykk

    babykk New Member

    Jealousy is a double-edged sword that can ruin the feelings of two people

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