Do you expect your children to take care of you when you're old?

Discussion in 'Family Issues' started by UmiNoor, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor New Member

    I think most parents have this expectation that when they're old, their children will take care of them. I used to have such expectations. But now, I've revised this. I would love it if any one of my children would take care of me but if they don't, I guess I have to learn to be independent.

    What about you? Do you expect your children to take care of you when you're old?
  2. Coffeeaddict

    Coffeeaddict New Member

    In our culture, children are accustomed to taking care of their parents when they grow old. It's a given. Oldies are not expected to go to the nursing home. But personally speaking, I won't force the idea to my children. I guess if you're a good parent, your children would love to be with you during the twilight years of your life.
  3. Lee11

    Lee11 New Member

    I think this is very much a culture thing. There are certain cultures where it is a given that you would look after your parents when they get older. Then there are others where it is a given that you would not. I would not want to entrust my parents to a nursing home, so my brother and I have already taken steps to see to it that they will always be independent.

    We still have to look into certain things and there are many unknowns but even if I cannot be there for them in person, I will see to it that they are taken care of within their own environment in comfort. I feel that it is our duty, as children. They do not expect it, but I feel that it is only the right thing to do.

    I am sure your children will look out for you. One way or another. Do not depend on it, but be prepared to be pleasantly surprised. You reap what you sow.
  4. clauemi

    clauemi New Member

    No I don't expect them to take care of me, at least not financially. If I ended up having some terrible disease that I was not able to prevent in my younger years then of course I would expect my kids to take care of me or at least put me up in a nursing home. I won't ever leave the burden of having to put up with my expenses to my kids. I know the pressure that I feel now knowing that eventually I am the one who will have to take care of my parents financially. Of course I love my parents and would do anything for them but in my opinion they are very selfish. They are only in their 40's but at this age they do not have a home of their own, have tons of bills, no retirement plans, no savings at all. My dad has worked for years in restaurants while my mom stayed at home with me and my brother, now that we are older well she basically does nothing. Does my mom expect my dad to be working until he's in his 80's? I've advised them so many times in the past years to start making plans and till this day it has been pointless. They procrastinate until they can't anymore, that has been the norm since I can remember. I will never ever make my kids feel like they have no option, at least until I can help it.
  5. Jessi

    Jessi New Member

    Hmm, this one is a toughy.

    I have the expectation that they won't simply ignore me and abandon me. I don't want to put the responsibility on their shoulders to have to baby me every minute of the day if I'm unable to care for myself any more. In that sense, I do expect them to "take care of" arrangements such as putting me in a nice nursing home or being sure I'm getting decent doctor's care, etc, if I can't make my own decisions soundly any more. I don't want to be a burden, though.
  6. LoveAdmin

    LoveAdmin Administrator Staff Member

    I don't have any kids.... so no
  7. melodylove

    melodylove New Member

    Hello, and yes I absolutley would expect my children to take care of me when I am old. No matter how rich they are I have worked in a ursing home and I DO NOT wish to live in one of those places at all!!! I will in everyway take care of myself for as long as I possibly can but they better keep me at home close to me and aid im my care. I wouldn't mind them hiring a nurse to come a few times a week and help or sit with me while they go out or something but other then that I would rather be put to sleep then live and die in a nursing home period!
  8. ath3n4

    ath3n4 New Member

    Well, my sister and I already have plans when it comes to this one. Although my mom might not be expecting it but my sister and I decided to dedicate our lives in repaying the love and care our parents have given us all through the years. I want to make sure that they'll be happy and content when they grow old and that they will be taken good care not by strangers but by family. :)
  9. mommyjoyce

    mommyjoyce New Member

    We've talked about that part of my growing old...especially as i am solo mom to them. But, no problem there. I don't expect them to take care of me; but they have expressed that each on wants to take me home with them! hahaha Life is great!
  10. shaun

    shaun New Member

    This can vary from country to country. In some countries and religions, it is their duty to look after their elderly parents. I think this is a noble tradition. Your parents raised you, you can return the care in their later life. When my parents are old, I will certainly help and care for them.
  11. AmazingLove

    AmazingLove New Member

    I think this is a common expectation with many parents especially in my country and mostly in Asia. I am not really sure with other countries but most developed countries have their own way of taking good care of aging people as symbolized by various homes for the aged. As a way of repaying all the sacrifice, effort and time -- and of course, money -- our parents have given for us, we are somehow feeling obligated to care for our parents. And personally, I have no problem with this expectation as I would hate anybody to do this for me. That is me to my parents but as me to my children we have to understand that we are entering a new age where children would probably choose to live their own lives away from us and may have a different orientation not in agreement with what we have and so this is a new reality we have to face.

    The thing is whether we might expect our children to take care of us or not, we have to be independent as much as possible and really prepare for our aging days. There is no question though that to have children who are so willing to take you into their folds when you are already old and need assistance and care would be a big blessing. :D :D
  12. sherrybelle

    sherrybelle New Member

    No, I don't expect my children to be my primary care giver if I live so long that I need special care. I know it's difficult for loved ones to be objective in a situation like that...especially...if they are required to watch me gradually lose my health.

    It would be enough if they care enough to visit and express their love for me before I make my exit.
  13. cris2fear

    cris2fear New Member

    I think all parents would want something like that, but we should also accept the fact that when our children grow up they might have far more important things to attend to, after all they will have their own lives as their responsibility, especially if they start their own family.
  14. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor New Member

    Your parents are lucky to have a child like you. I hope your children too would be as kind to you when you're old.

    You're so lucky mommyjoyce that your children want to take care of you. They must love you very much and perhaps they don't want you to be alone later in life. You have raised your children well.

    Exactly, children will grow up and they will start their own families and that would make it difficult for them to take care of their own parents. But if my children are all grown up and married and have children, I don't mind helping them out by taking care of their children. They're my grandchildren after all. It's the least I can do.
  15. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote New Member

    I am not planning to spend my old age in the care of my children. Not that they don't care. It's just my nature to be independent. So while I am still able to, I am making preparations for the last few years when I would be less mobile. Actually making money online is very suitable for old folks.
  16. catowoman

    catowoman New Member

    I don’t. I believe we should look at ourselves as much as we can. I expect my children to be there on special occasions or when I’m sick or give me a visit with the kids but to burden them with lodging, meal, medical and even death expenses is far from mind. See, from a child they will grow and have to look after themselves and soon enough have their own family. With having a family, one had to prepare. They should have stable job, their own house, etc. So the moment that they finished their studies and find a job is now the moment that we look after ourselves up to old age. Save for every day costs, life insurance, medical aid, pension when we retire, have small business to keep us busy and still be able to support ourselves or have vacation and travel, give gifts to grandchildren on occasions or get involved to charity or ministry work. I don’t believe parents should be a burden to their kids or the children is to be raised by their parents so they could have someone to look after them when they grow old. I still want to be someone my children could depend on or be their strength even if I am old.
  17. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor New Member

    Oh yes. Thank goodness for the Internet. With the opportunities to make money online, old folks can still be financially independent.
  18. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote New Member

    Right. So when we hear about the US of A wanting to control (control as in throttle) the internet, we shouldn't be alarmed. We should take up arms and fight for our right to a free internet. All in favor say "Aye".
  19. Cecil15

    Cecil15 New Member

    Yes, I expect them to look after me when the time comes that I cannot manage to live by myself anymore. I think it is just part of the culture here in the Philippines that the children are supposed to give back to their parents when they grow old. I am loving my kids enough so I think someday they will not abandon me just like other elders here.
  20. zaerine

    zaerine New Member

    I do not have kids but if ever, I think it was normal to expect "a little" that they will take care of you specially if you take care of them well. But not to make it as an obligation for them. I know parents who end up or grows old alone despite the fact that they are good parents and so nothing is to be really expected even from your own children.

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