Hey everyone, first post on this forum. Ive endlessly googled my situation to see if anyone can relate or has gone through similar things. Its getting to the point where Im at a crossroads and have to make a decision. Any advice is appreciated! Would love to hear if anyone has had similar situations, and to talk about it I moved out when I was 17 to pursue a degree in music. My family didn't really agree with my choice and wanted me to get a 4 year degree in something more "realistic". 5 years later, Im a music professional and work at a Label. I make descent money, but money doesn't really mean much when you're lonely and have no one to share it with. I have one person i consider to be my best friend, but other than that my co-workers are the closest thing to friends for me. From the time I was 17-19 my family ignored me for the most part. Wouldn't answer my calls or messages. And during the holidays they would call to tell me "Sorry, we've been so busy." and then proceed to tell me how their life is going. I would be engaged, asking questions & talking about their life. Hoping they would maybe ask about how my life is going, of course that would never happen. Over time, the resentment I felt only grew. I remember last year, my moms friend asked me "So what do you do?" and so i told them, "I work at a record label" and my mom, was like, "wait, really? you do? i had no idea." my heart sank when she said that, because it sort of blew my mind that my mum's friend was more interested in my life than she was. At 19 I moved across the country to Nashville (mainly for my career) and I gave up talking to them around a year ago, deciding to just ignore them "back". For whatever reason, theyve really been trying to get ahold of me lately, saying they miss me & "havent heard from me". My aunt even texted that she wanted to visit me, since shes going to be in Nashville this month anyway. A part of me wants to visit her too, but the other part of me knows I wouldnt be able to hold a fake smile, and have small talk with her like she wants. ___________________________________________________________________________ On mother's day my mom texted me: "not even a phone call or text for Mothers day? people that arent even my family texted me today, and you cant even make the time for me? " Heres the problem i have... If I truly want to be in someones life.. Im going to BE in the life... every week of the year. Not just on mother's day, not just on Christmas, and Not just on their birthday. As I read the text from my mom, I couldnt help but think, "Okay, so youre upset that I didnt text you on mother's day... thats understandable, But what about all the other days of the freaking year?? are those unimportant? should family only give a shit about each other on holidays?? what about when i was living in my car, or got my first job at a studio... or what about the day my car broke down in the rain, 50 miles out of town, feeling lonely as hell. with no friends or family to help me out. Why is it that society deems holidays/birthdays/etc more important than those days?? Im just not cool with this sort of "small talk/work casual" relationship my family wants. Maybe they want a deep relationship with me now (probably not) but either way, i have too much resentment of the past to just accept it. I think its inevitable that someones gonna ask if Ive considered talkeing to them about it.. And sometimes I want to have an "all out" deep conversation with them, throwing everything on the table. Telling them how i feel. But truth is, ive only thrown hints at them, hoping they would catch on. Because I believe if you really want to be in someone's life, you will be in their life every week of the damn year, not just the holiday weeks that we deem as a society to be days that you're supposed to call your family. I have a strict belief that you should only allow yourself to be in someone's life who also wants to be in yours. And I know that if I were to talk to them about it, Im certain i wouldnt be able to hold back. I would let them know how shitty life has been, and how lonely I was. I dont want to hurt them... but know that if I talk to them, theyre going to be feeling pain in their heart too. Wow, didnt expect to write that much. Anywho, im glad i got to vent and would love to hear your thoughts! Im truly not a bitter person, I just need some outside, unbiased opinions maybe. I carry alot of resentment, but truth be told I just need to make a decision. Comments are appreciated!