First long distance relationship then he asks about marriage

Discussion in 'Online Dating' started by snowstain, May 6, 2015.

  1. snowstain

    snowstain New Member

    Hi. I met this guy online and he seems pretty nice and really sweet. We started off as friends and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. He lives in Wales while I am in California. I couldn't emphasize more to him that LDR/online dating is difficult and he knows nothing about me but eventually we kind of hit it off and we're nearing a month now. I am new to this LDR/online dating thing and I am quite unsure how this works. We'd talk nonstop everyday for almost two weeks and when we hit that mark, we friendly Skyped, just talking about each other's day. He even sent me pictures of his family.

    But the thing that bothers me most is that he'd always constantly talk about marriage. He said he wants to marry me someday and have kids. He'd even give me the privilege to name all our kids and such. It's weird because I'm just 19 and he's 20. (I said I'm too young but he said he's willing to wait until I am ready). Sooner, I accepted his talks about marriage and played along. But still, I want to know what it means? I asked him a thousand times why he thinks he wants to marry me and is he sure about this and he said he was. He stated reasons that I am the nicest girl he had ever met and such. He even mentioned that after six months, he would like to meet up and visit me. He worked double jobs just to buy a plane ticket and I think that's really sweet. Even if I said I might change states for college, he said he'll work hard to visit me wherever it is. Also, if he said things I feel uncomfortable with, I'd say it to him and he totally understands and would respect me.

    Still, as I am new to this I don't know if this really works. I also don't want to be too attached or fall too hard because again, this is my first LDR. I know there will be bumps in relationships. So he recently added me on Facebook and I saw his relationship status as married. I asked him about this and he said he was married to himself. And as I was browsing through his photos I saw a picture of him tagged by his girl bestfriend wearing a ring made of candy from him. I realized I have no right to be jealous since the post was made before we even met so I let it pass. Also, on the dating website we met,there was this girl he also asked to "marry" and I confronted him about this and he said it was just a joke because he said the girl doesn't want to be married so he's just teasing her. I don't know. It was weeks before we met so I didn't think about it much.

    And there is this instance lately that for almost 3 days now, he barely talks to me due to his busy schedule and that left me kind of lonely. I know I shouldn't be too clingy but I think I like him. Anyway, if anyone could give me advice regarding this LDR thing, how often should we talk, or what it says about him wanting to marry me when we just recently met, it would be highly appreciated. Thank you. :)
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2015
  2. Trellum

    Trellum New Member

    Hi there! I'd not be worried, after reading your post I must say he doesn't sound like a creep. After all 6 months is not so short, is not like he is actually asking you to marry him, no engagement ring... no anything, so far it's just a nice thought :) I'd not freak out about that.

    As for the working part... yes, LDRs can work well, but both of you need to be sure of what you really want. Do you love him? Would you be willing to relocate? Would he be willing to relocate? How well do you know him? Could you see a future with him? LDRs can only work if both parties want the same and are mature enough to face all the hardships of being in a LDR brings... I know because I am in one.
     
  3. Theo

    Theo New Member

    I would say just stay friends and don't encourage him with ideas of marriage. You are only 19 and how should are you he is only 20? Wales is quite a poor country you know and if he is working two jobs then he hasn't been to University either.

    Don't give him ideas, stay realistic as what do you have in common? Be online friends, because you are at school and will find someone at school to hang out with and with the time difference at your age, it's not worth it. Don't get too emotionally involved is my advice.
     
  4. Lushlala

    Lushlala New Member

    Eh, I'm honestly not sold on this guy! In fact, he creeps me out. You guys are still so young, what's the huge thing about marriage and kids, especially seeing as you've only just "met"? -and he's done it with some other girls too! I would encourage you to proceed with caution here. Keep it friendly for a very long time and don't go rushing to commit to anything.
     
  5. SherKev

    SherKev New Member

    You are about to embark on a very important journey in your life with attending college. These are going to be your "make it or break it" years and I think that being in a LDR during that time could cause more stress than what its worth. Just based on what I have read that you have shared, he doesn't seem like a horrible person or even someone you couldn't grow with. He could truly be genuine and sincere but I can't help but to see red flags because of his focus on marriage. If you can associate this need for him to get married to his family dynamics, then that would make me feel better. Perhaps that is how he was raised? Go slow and remember that if it's truly meant to be, it will happen. Good Luck to you!
     
  6. eve.ashley

    eve.ashley Well-Known Member

    He sounds like a solid guy, after all he is planning to meet up, which is the next and necessary step in LDR. Think about sharing his ticked expenses as it seems that he is working hard just to be able to visit you. The guy likes to think about being married, nothing wrong with that. Would you rather he was a commitment-phobe? For a LDR he sounds pretty solid and with a good head on his shoulders...

    Meet him and see if you guys have chemistry in person and take the next step, or breakup if LDR is not your thing, since one will have to move to the others country, eventually...Or both to some mutually agreed upon place, but the guy sounds good to me...
    The rule is the person with less ties in their country/worse job - moves...Or both people can move somewhere half way...etc...

    Howe you go about this all comes down to how much you like this man...He likes you a lot, that's why he is talking about marriage, it's quite romantic and se xy of him to do that...

    You have to start somewhere, you cannot start by being together for a year, a months is just a months but it can be start of a lifetime together...

    Again, not sure what is bothering you, exactly? Would you rather he kept saying and insinuating he will never marry, especially not you :p

    I think the guy is romantic, se xy and he also puts his hard work where his mouth is, and is already saving up to come visit you across the pond. It's only been a month, but he sounds like a keeper, so far.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2016
  7. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy New Member

    My marriage is a product of a long distance relationship and I believe it is just a matter of luck if you will find a guy who had the real intention and one whom you can trust the most. Me and my husband came from a different culture which is also an important aspect to considered and which is really very hard because both of us should adjust,study and learn each other's culture because we love each other and we want to make our marriage relationship a successful one. And luckily we had made it with the help of each other. If the guy you met online is really sincere about you let him to visit your country to meet you personally and your parents. Then after that everything will follow if you had met already and assess each's other if the feelings is still there and if you want to continue your long distance relationship. Well, like what I said it is a matter of luck and I do wish you the ll the best!
     

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