First time physically hurting me in 6 years

Discussion in 'Marital Problems' started by RBJ, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. RBJ

    RBJ New Member

    My husband is quite and usually seen as laid back by everyone. With me though he's easily irritated and over critical but always expressed it with a quick snap and moves on shortly after. His snapping in public is embarrassing but that's always been the worst of it.

    Yesterday, I was helping move the fridge with these thick moving straps. I was too weak and couldn't lift the fridge. He got frustrated with me and quickly pulled the straps from under the fridge while I was still attached to them. I think he meant to annoyingly yank it from my hands...but because it was placed around my arm it got stuck around my wrist and was very painful as it was forcefully pulled off. It left a mark and peeled some top layer of my skin. I instinctly yelped, "BABE!"

    He snapped back with, "WHAT?!"

    I paused. I was just in shock. He never purposefully hurt me before so it took me a moment to realize what he did. I checked my wrist before I responded with, "You didn't have to pull the straps. That really really hurt." He just kept going on about the fridge. When I stood there in silence obviously hurt he finally went outside for space.

    I started to cry mainly because my wrist felt sprained but also because I was hurt because I thought that he would ever do something like that to me. I felt betrayed. He finally came in refusing to look at me. And said, "It's not going to move just by staring at it!" like I were stupid. It was humiliating.

    Hours later he asked why was I in such a mood. I told him angrily, "because you ripped the straps from my arms leaving this mark!" My wrist was obviously red and swollen by that point. Naturally his response was defensive, "No I didn't! Did you see me do that?! You don't even know how the straps work!" Again, like I were stupid. My husband is 6'2". These straps are much longer than he is tall. Even if he had his hands straight up in the air and on his tippy toes he could not have just accidentally pulled them from under the fridge. Everything about it was intentional. He just refuses to admit his frustrations for the better of him.

    Later we had another argument about getting our son food for dinner. When it was time for bed he was laying down. Pretending to sleep even after shaking him because I wanted to talk. He left me alone crying by myself that night clutching my sore wrist till I fell asleep.

    Finally this morning he gave me a hug but still said nothing.

    I'm very good at letting go but I just can't with this one. Am I being too sensitive? Shouldn't I expect some type of apology? Maybe something to show he cares. I feel so unloved, confused, and hurt right now. It's been 6 and a half great years. He's short tempered and a little spoiled but I never expected this reaction from him. Any advice?
  2. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    No you're not being too sensitive. You got hurt and it sounds like he has some issues controlling his temper.

    The only thing I'll say in his defence is that it is totally possible he didn't intend to physically hurt you with the straps. You were in the process of moving a very large, bulky, and heavy appliance. It's frustrating and exhausting. That combined with his frayed temper could have easily caused him to yank the straps away in frustration, not realizing that the strap was entangled around your wrist. I think it's very possible that it was unintentional. My husband pinned my wrist between the wall edge and a couch one time while moving. It does happen.

    That being said, it is insensitive on his part to not feel guilt and concern for your injury. A gentleman would apologize and ensure that you understand that it was an accident, see if you wanted ice or a painkiller, etc. Simply giving you a hug doesn't cut it in my book either.

    I would definitely discuss this issue further and explain how much it hurt you mentally and physically for him to have neglected your safety during and after the fact. You do deserve an apology and some TLC

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