How do I get over him?

Discussion in 'Relationship Questions' started by Morgorah, Aug 30, 2017.

  1. Morgorah

    Morgorah New Member

    Ok, this is a bit of a long one so just bare with me. The reason I've come seeking help is that I have a lot of things in my life right now that are getting me really down, but I feel that a lot of it wouldn't be bothering me so much if it wasn't for the underlying problem: the man I'm in love with, but will never have.

    I say never have, that's not actually true, I have had him, multiple times. I guess you'll need a bit of backstory so here goes:

    Literally from the moment I met this man I knew he was the one for me. I was not long out of an 8 year, loveless relationship resulting in divorce and shared custody of our child, so the last thing I was looking for was another relationship, but fate had decided to throw this man at me, and I found it really hard to take. I was a mess, I'd blush and stutter whenever he talked to me, and when I found out he wasn't single I was gutted. However, we became friends, and for the most part I forgot about the intense crush I used to have on him.

    Then he broke up with his girlfriend and it all came flooding back. We were really good friends by this point and hanging out with him and his new girl really sucked. I knew I was falling for him, badly, and there was nothing I could do. Then they split up, she had only been a rebound. This was my chance, but again it wasn't to be, he started seeing another girl he was good friends with. This time it didn't feel like a flood, it was a punch to the gut, it was unbearable.

    I should have tried to let it go then and there, but we were becoming even closer as friends, often hanging out together and he even invited me to stay over. It was very difficult for me as I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to be with him. And then, it all got crazy. The next time I stayed over we ended up sleeping together, I thought things were finally going to go my way but he then explained that he wasn't going to leave his girlfriend (who he'd only been with a month) and that it wouldn't happen again. I was gutted, but as a friend I respected his decision.

    Again, it should have ended there, but it didn't. We continued to sleep together until it was becoming far too painful for the both of us. Eventually we agreed to let it go, and managed for over a month to just be friends, but when it all started again I knew I was going down a slippery slope. As awesome as it was to be with him like that again I knew it was bitter sweet. After a month he announced he was moving in with his girlfriend. Everything we had been or could have been was officially over, and I'm really struggling with it.

    So that's my underlying issue but I feel like it's affecting everything else in my life. My relationship with my son isn't great as he's quite happy to remind me frequently how much he prefers his dad. I feel really bad about myself and feel that no one actually cares about me except my sister and my mum. I've put on weight, been far too busy to do the things I used to enjoy, I'm constantly tired even falling asleep at work, I drink far too much wine, spend far too much money. My divorce still isn't final and I can't stop thinking about how much I suck. It's no wonder he chose her, why would he want to be with someone like me?

    Thanks if you have read this. You don't have to respond, was just good writing it down I guess.

  2. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. It sounds like there are a lot of things weighing heavily on you, and that can feel pretty unbearable sometimes. I think it's time for you to take care of You for once. You need to take the best care of you that you can, mind, body, and soul. You are feeling badly about yourself, and others are picking up on it. Your son may prefer his dad because he senses how unhappy you are. It's the old adage, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, Cry and you cry alone."

    What has really helped me in the past was to exercise, do yoga, and eat healthy. I meditate a whole lot as well. It's been proven over and over to have terrific benefits mentally and to alleviate depression and anxiety. Not only that, but when you put your full focus into it, it's hard to dwell on the bad stuff when you feel so good physically.

    Please forget about your ex. He did you a great and selfish disservice to continue sleeping with you knowing your feelings for him. Don't let him drag you down anymore! I'm always here to chat if you need to
    Susane likes this.
  3. Morgorah

    Morgorah New Member

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply!

    I'm really looking forward to getting back into more of a routine now that summer is over and in particular excersizing again. You're right it really does help you feel better.

    I've decided to start doing more for myself (got a couple of holidays booked) and I'm finally at a place where I actually want to get over him. I can't cut him out my life as we're in the same friends circle and still see each other regularly. I'm a long way off, I still think about him every day, but I like to think I'll get there eventually.

    Its just that moment when you feel yourself sinking and there's nothing you can do about it, it's hard to get back out and pick yourself up!
  4. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    I'm happy for you! Keep as busy as you can and keep your mind stimulated. The worst thing you can do is sit around feeling sad and dwelling on the things that have gone wrong. Take it day by day, and you'll get over this. Better things are on the horizon!

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