How Do You Say No?

Discussion in 'Sex Advice' started by AmazingLove, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. AmazingLove

    AmazingLove New Member

    Let me complete the question: How do you say no or turn down the intimacy request of your partner without hurting his or her feeling?

    Of course, we all know that there are times that one partner would like to have some action while the other one is looking at the other direction. The failure to have a meeting of both minds and bodies can result into some problems with some couple if not properly handled.

    Personally, I do it honestly and fully explain why I am not responding to the advances. And I usually make a promise of another schedule which in most cases I fulfilled.

    What about you? :love_heart:
  2. sreekumar

    sreekumar New Member

    For shy people they can do it with gestures and for others speak it out. And if demands of one of the partners do not commensurate, the needy may switch over to alternatives like masturbation.
  3. fancyfingers

    fancyfingers New Member

    You need to be honest in a nice way. For example, dear hubby was frisky the other day, but I told him not now, but later in the evening I would love to pick up where we left off. Try using a a bit of humor. Let him down easy so you don't bruise his ego.
  4. mommyjoyce

    mommyjoyce New Member

    Yesssss. Fancy finger, that is putting it very nicely. Let him down easy.... a bit of humor, a bit of ticklish pout (hahaha), is how I used to say "not now, dear! But I promise the next will be MY initiation!"
  5. fancyfingers

    fancyfingers New Member

    Exactly! It is okay to say no, or not now. We just have to do it in a pleasant voice and to make sure they do not feel rejected. If they get rejected enough, they stop trying, and start looking elsewhere. I do get up earlier than everyone in my house, and I have told my dh that I can always use a shower buddy! There have been a few times that he has too!
  6. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor New Member

    I think if it's once in a while that you're not up to it, it will be all right. Perhaps, you're tired or you're so stressed out that you're not in the mood. But if it's an every day thing then your partner would wonder if you're having an affair. I think the best way to do to say no is to say it nicely that you're just tired. My husband usually would know if I'm tired without my having to tell him and he will leave me to sleep it off. And then promise another day or night for the rendezvous. This way you will look forward to it.
  7. summerRain

    summerRain New Member

    Tell him in a nice way and if he loves you then he would understand it. Promise him that next time will be one of the happiest sex experience of his life. lol
    Well honestly, it is really uncomfortable to make out when you are not in the mood to do it. And marriage is not only about sex. I just hope guys would understand it.
  8. Lucky120

    Lucky120 New Member

    Yeah let him know in a nice way and then later if you are feeling up to it then go for it. There are times when you really do not feel up to doing anything and that is normal. I have to say there are times when I am not feeling up to doing anything at night, so I try and let him down easy and later if I am up for it then I go for it. I mean sometimes you just have to say no and if he does not understand then I don't know from there. I mean by now they should know that no means no.
  9. RJay

    RJay New Member

    I'm a guy, so I never turn it down. My wife doesn't have to tell me anything......I just do a little kissing and hugging, and I can tell by how receptive she is whether or not anything is going to happen. I've gotten used to it now, my wife (before we were married) told me, and definately showed me how she had this huge sex drive. Thought I had it made, but then she got the ring on her finger, and now I mostly masturbate in the shower!
  10. steph84

    steph84 New Member

    I say no by being honest and giving my reasons as to why I am turning him down. I love my boyfriend and I hate to turn him down, but I just had to today. i was exhausted and he ended up throwing it in my face. He actually said, "I get it. When you want it you expect me to drop everything and I do, but you won't do the same thing for me." I had to reassure him with humor and tell him hoe much I love him so he would just let me off the hook. It is always awkward.
  11. Cecil15

    Cecil15 New Member

    I refuse his "offer" in a nice way as much as I can. But sometimes, he can be a bit irritating because he can't seem to understand just one word, so I have to say no over and over again. Well, I think he thinks that I am just playing hard to get and I'll eventually give in, LOL!

    I agree with all the answers here though. Nice answers, maybe because of personal experience. :D
  12. Jenna

    Jenna New Member

    I don't say no very often. When I do, I let him know, "sorry I'm not in the mood." Sometimes I'll often a hand job or a blow job. Sometimes he'll be persistent and he'll turn on the charm- then I'll end up having sex with him. Occasionally, he's completely fine with it. He's always respectful though.
  13. Lee11

    Lee11 New Member

    Oh, this is a simple one. I just say 'no'. (-:Non-negotiable. He usually tries every trick in the book to get me to change my mind...but alas, the answer remains the same 'no'.:pirate: Luckily, that does not happen often, but when it does, I am resolute.
  14. AmazingLove

    AmazingLove New Member

    Nice suggestion. I think women should adopt something that will never bruise the existing ego of their men. I am sure that a loving and understanding partner would be persuaded to forego the desire of the moment if you can say no in a very nice way and adding something or a prize for postponing the session for the next days...:D
  15. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor New Member

    It does seem nice to be seduced by your husband. As for my husband, even if I say no in a very nice way, he would be very hurt and would just give up and go to sleep angry. Sometimes I do like a little seduction on his part but alas I guess when it comes to love-making, he's not that romantic.
  16. haopee

    haopee New Member

    Is it just me or is Amazing Love the only male person who responded to this thread?

    I don't know what to say. But I've heard from my girl friends that some of their boy partners aren't romantic enough for them to get interested in the said act. So I always ask them if they've told their partners what they like and what they don't. Sure it's a little embarrassing but it'll definitely be more of a benefit in the long run.

    I just say no and then show him my sweetest face. I am lucky to have ended up with someone who probably has a sexual appetite equivalent to mine (which is not so much)... Or maybe because we are the type who prefer spending our time watching movies, playing online games and doing something less intimate such as cuddling and hugging and kissing that its been easier to block the cravings.
  17. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote New Member

    Saying no is very easy for a man. If he's not up to it, then no amount of persuasion can make things change. Unless the woman knows what buttons to press. Then she can get her man to rise to the occasion, so to say.
  18. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor New Member

    I think we have another man in this thread, haopee.

    I do tell my husband what I like him to do and what will turn me on but then it does seem like I'm being demanding. I'd like it if the love-making is more spontaneous.

    It's nice to be with someone who's sexual appetite matches yours. I wish my husband and I have it equally. There are times when he's not up to it but I'm into it but I don't mind at all. I just know that he's probably too tired. I guess we women are less sensitive when it comes to sexual rejection. For a man, it will probably bruise his ego.
  19. Amber

    Amber New Member

    This has always been a tough one for me. I used to literally get really angry when I was told 'no' because it felt like some kind of rejection. I know it sounds bad but it's good to do it when you don't want to when you can to show your partner that you care; because then they can do the same in return. Life is too short to miss out on opportunities to share your love. I'm not saying you should do it every single time, but it's good to at least try to make your partner happy. (That's how I try to do things anyway; but it doesn't always work out that way)

    If you have to say no, then I think you should make sure to give them a reason know and let them know something like "I would love to, but..." (I have a headache, I'm super tired, I'm in pain.. etc) This way they know it's not because you don't want to; there's just something in the way of you doing it.
  20. Cecil15

    Cecil15 New Member

    Aw, so I guess men aren't all the same. My hubby has a huge appetite for sex - which is an opposite of me. I think he gets upset sometimes when I refuse so sometimes I try to make it up to him. And what do you know? He's always in a good mood the next day! :D

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