Husband has depression

Discussion in 'Family Issues' started by Rosyrain, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain New Member

    My husband I have been together for about 11 years now and it has not always been easy. He has depression and refuses to get help for it. I have been patient and when he has spells in which he is irritable, I just give him space. Sometimes it is hard to get him to get out of the house and do things. Is there anything else I can be doing to help him out, or is me just being there good enough? He is also the private type who does not like to talk about his feelings.
     
  2. Torialou

    Torialou New Member

    I am a depression sufferer so the advice is coming from how I feel myself but for me just having someone there for me is the best. I know we can be extremely hard to get along with when we are at our dark spots but you do the right thing, space and do not push him.

    I have had mine for many years and when my family were trying to push me to get help and the doctors as well I was much less open to getting help but once people left me alone and let me think things through and come to terms with things I was able to feel up to reaching out for help. I saw someone who did counselling in the end because I was still not ready for anything more. They just listen rather than suggest anything and that really helped for me. Perhaps if he ever is open enough you could suggest it as an alternative to medication or psychiatric docs. I still do not fancy seeing them but having now seen two different counselling teams I am in a much better place. Turns out sometimes we just need to get it all off our chests to someone who does not have any part in our lives, that is not going to judge and not tell us we have to do anything or take anything.

    I really do think you are doing a very good job just being there for him though, that really is so important knowing someone you love is there but can let you have space. Good luck.
     
  3. Theo

    Theo New Member

    He has to want help,that's the first hurdle and accepting he has a condition. Maybe an online support forum of chat room would help him? That helped me. If it's severe it can get worse, so even if he doesn't want meds, the best thing is some therapy. He may not want to talk, but encourage him to write his feeling out. If he doesn't address the issues they will just build up and that's not fair on you, bu there is no point him having therapy until he wants it.

    People often go when they hit rock bottom, but if he can go before that it will make the road to recovery less painful.
     
  4. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain New Member

    I just wish there was something more I could do to help him snap out of it, but I know that there is nothing that can be done unless he wants it. I think anxiety goes along with depression, and sometimes he gets very bad. Last night he was having anxiety so bad that he said that he felt like there was a lump in his throat and he was having problems breathing. He sat on the couch with a cold wash cloth on his face and we did not talk at all. I kept the kids quiet and we just watched TV for a while. He eventually calmed down and felt better.

    He will not go seek help as he has done this before and the doctor put him on some medicine that made him feel like a zombie. One of his problems is that he does not get enough exercise and I have been encouraging him to do this.
     
  5. stephaniewindom

    stephaniewindom New Member

    At the current situation don't leave him alone. Get him to the doctor..
     
  6. Trellum

    Trellum New Member

    I think your husband needs to go to therapy, I suspect that not being able to talk about his feelings is a big issue. He needs to talk about his feelings, it's obvious he is depressed over something he can't talk about. By opening up you can relieve a lot stress and pain, he need to do that, he needs therapy, not medication. You should suggest him that and push him a little towards that direction. I tell you this from experience, he NEEDS to talk.
     
  7. eve.ashley

    eve.ashley Well-Known Member

    If he hasn't been diagnosed yet, your husband does not have depression. he is just a very miserable guy that won't do anything fun with you, is very irritable at times and refuses to talk to a professional and get to the bottom of his misery.

    Why are you married to this guy? What is he bringing to the table and in what positive ways is he contributing to your life?

    if anything?

    Do you want to suffer the moods and misery of a guy who doesn't want to get better?

    You can't force you husband to get help if he does n't want, but you can ask yourself these very important questions.

    Don't fall into a trap to diagnose him with depression. What ig he has personality disorder and is using the excuse of depression to torture you emotionally?

    Is he a good husband or not?

    If the answer is no, why are you still with this man?
     
  8. JuliaFor9

    JuliaFor9 New Member

    It is very hard period of time for your husband and for you as well. I also have such kind of depression that do not want to socialize with the others. And in this case your husband can not help himself you should always be there for him.
     
  9. morgoodie

    morgoodie New Member

    I have depression and anxiety and I know that sometimes it is hard to muster up the energy to do fun things when I am in a very deep state of sadness. Anxiety prevents me from doing some things as well. Your husband is lucky that he has you and that you are patient with him. Many times it is hard to push someone into getting help, they have to want to help themselves. You may find that the more you push, the less likely he will agree to get help. Medications do not have to turn you into a zombie to work. Mine do not do that to me and I find that they work well. He needs to talk to the doctor about different alternative medications than the one that he was on before. There are many out there now and one may work for some while not for others. Trial and error is basically what happens until you hit on one that does the trick. I hope that he decides to get help for his sake and yours. Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
     
  10. I think you are trying your best to cope with him and his depression. You have so much patience with him...
    But what about you? You must be going through a rough spot as well and seems like he does not have the energy to help you if you would need it and that is something that seems to not be alright at all.
    You are both married to each other. Okay, he has his down sides but he should not be so selfish. It sounds like your marriage is very one-sided like you are doing everything to make him happy, to support him but not thinking about yourself....with time this could backfire.
    I really hope this is just a phase he is going through and that he gets out of it soon!
    In terms of therapy, of course, you cannot force him but he should get checked by a doctor at least who could recommend a different kind of therapy, not pills, just something else.
     

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