husband texting another woman

Discussion in 'Marital Problems' started by Jaguar, Oct 1, 2011.

  1. Jaguar

    Jaguar New Member

    I just found out my husband has been texting another woman. I went through his phone and found 30+ texts and they seemed pretty flirtatious. He didn't say that he loved her or anything but it sure seemed like there was a lot of teasing and flirting going on.

    I'm not sure what to do. I'm in shock
  2. moves_like_jagger

    moves_like_jagger New Member

    My partner knows me to ba straightforward and quite blunt when it comes to these matters, so if ever this happens to me, I will go straight to the point. I will COMMAND him to stop doing what they are doing, or else....

    It's true that women can be so inconsiderate at times. These women who flirt with a committed man, they find the flirting act a challenge that's why they do it. They seems to have a assurance that they have the "factor" to make a man fall or flirt with them despite him wearing a wedding ring. It's like "hey, men cannot resist me even if they are married, they still want me!" attitude, and who does not want that, right? It's telling these women that because men who are committed still go gaga with them, they are given a good price in the marketplace.

    Now, what to do? If you have the attitude like mine, then go straight to what you want. Of course you want to put a stop to this, right? Then tell him not ask him (that's two different things). Don't you sound begging for it...have a commanding voice and tell him the consequence of what might happen if this continues. For the meantime, why not get your husband's attention so he do not give a glance to the woman who's been flirting with him. Make him go gaga over you by FLIRTING WITH HIM! Yeah, do what this woman is doing. Sometimes men just miss the feeling of being flirted with. Do you still do that? Don't stop flirting with each other for he will seek for it and go for other women who willingly provide discreetly. Act as if you are still college couples, go intimate with each other, seduce him in public places, everything that awakens his manhood. Go!! Do that now!!
  3. Tears33

    Tears33 New Member

    I actually just dealt with this myself, at first it started out as just them texting (they were friends from highschool and she is an ex-girlfriend) but then the flirting started and she sent him at, lets just say, very revealing picture on his phone. I like to think as myself as open-minded so I kind of just blew it off and laughed about it but then she sent another it is infuriated me. Also we are talking about hundreds of text message between the two of them. He told me about them but then he started not to tell me about them and I checked phone bill and saw them. Also she was sending texts to him when he was home with us. I had had enough and told him he needed to stop talking to her period. I believe this is what you need to do, tell him you know that he is sending texts to this woman and that you would appreciate it if it would stop before it turns into something more than it already is. If he respects you he will stop, it is possible that he does not see anything wrong with it because he is not doing anything physical with this woman but you will not know until you confront him about it.
  4. M.H.West

    M.H.West New Member

    If I ever caught my husband doing this, for I am very territorial, I would take his phone and text the woman myself. I would act like him and basically tell her to take her slutty little self somewhere else. Then I would confront my husband. My view and he knows it, is that there is no contact other than work related with other females unless I know about and approve it in the first place. So, I would give him a warning and start checking his phone regularly. If it continues, I would leave him because apparently he doesn't care enough about my feelings to bother with.
  5. mommymumbles

    mommymumbles New Member

    I like your idea. M.H. West! Texting her as if it were your husband:) But in answer to the question, I would be furious. Absolutely furious and hurt. I don't know what I would do to be honest. Definitely confront him about it for one thing. Does he know you know about the texting? Maybe you could text the woman, acting like your husband, and somehow lead her into revealing more about this relationship they have. Then I would sit down and tell him you know about the texts and how hurt you are. I guess depending on what he says, you will know what to do next.

    I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope it all works out. Hopefully he will apologize and be sincere, and hopefully it was just silly flirting he got caught up in.

    Good Luck and {hugs.}
  6. leighdu

    leighdu New Member

    That's really tough, but I agree with West, but instead of me texting, I would watch while he texted her back and told her something similar. If it doesn't stop, I would definitely leave. He would need to choose--I am not down with my man texting flirty messages with other women.
  7. zaerine

    zaerine New Member

    I like the idea to try text her as if you are your husband and maybe you could find out more. They might have some codes or whatever that you might break cause if not always, evidence matters. It is because some guys will just says it was just text and nothing more. And I also agree that you should tell him not to text that girl anymore or else...
  8. kat74

    kat74 New Member

    Every relationship starts with a flirt which can be through a test or an action. Sometime these flirts can be innocent or not, but for a married man, they can never be because he is in a commitment so he should not be flirting with anyone. It shows that he still admires other women out there beside you. You should ask him for clarification because if you don't, you will never trust him again and you will always be thinking that he is cheating on you. Don't wait for the situation to blow up on your face, deal with it now to stop it before it begins.

    Get answers from him to be sure and for your doubts to clear.
  9. Joshua Amahit

    Joshua Amahit New Member

    I like the idea zaerine. You could gather more information about this woman and to know more if she is just a flirt or something else to your husband. hopefully not though. I do hope you'd get to fix the matter. In the first place, he shouldn't be texting.
  10. DJ1996

    DJ1996 New Member

    Agree! I would do the same. Tell the chick to get lost and confront him. There should be no reason for him to be flirting with another woman. He will have to have his trust gained back, and if he were to continue with the texting/flirting relationship, it would be time for him to go. Obviously he wants something else. Hope it works out for you, hon! I can imagine how hurt you must be.
  11. Niki Bailey

    Niki Bailey New Member

    Never talk about your man with a woman. If you have a problem with your husband, talk to your husband. This woman knows he is married, yet she continues with the flirtatious behavior anyway. Is your husband getting what he needs out of your relationship? Try to understand that even if a man is perfectly content with his marriage, his ego will cause him to do silly things like text another woman. She feeds his ego. You can give him all the love and support in the world but if his ego needs a good stroking from someone else, it'll go to great lengths to get it.

    I'm not by any means condoning the behavior. I've read a text message or two between my husband and another chick but I brought the situation to his attention, I told him how it made me feel (betrayed), he apologized and it has never happened again. Get to the bottom of it before the messages get so intense that he'll want her to stroke more than his ego. I sincerely do not mean any disrespect with that statement but flirting has the potential to evolve into something more serious. Good luck to you.
  12. susansboneyard

    susansboneyard New Member

    He's having an emotional affair. Take his phone away immediately and demand full access to all his email accounts, Facebook, etc. This is how it began with my husband's affair. I found 120 cell phone calls to "her" in one month. I am so mad at myself for falling for his excuses. I could have stopped the affair months earlier if only I had put my foot down.
  13. summerRain

    summerRain New Member

    Have you already talked to your husband? Come on, you need to clear up things and tell him that you don't like it. He should know that he is married and he should be loyal to you in all things. Both of you made a vow in the church, be responsible enough to take care of each other's feelings.

    Talk and discuss that matter. That's the best thing that you can do.
  14. PandoraJ

    PandoraJ New Member

    My ex husband did this once to me. At first they were friends and I knew they were friends. I had no problems with him talking to his friend, however, when the texting became more often, and taking up his "family" time I became mad over them.
    I aksed nicely first, however, that didn't stop them for texting. Then I demanded that he stopped. That's when a new can of worms came out. He cheated on me with her!
    I would ask nicely first, if that don't work, you obtain a new "friend". He will realize that having new friends is not all what its cracked up to be and will stop texting her. I have done this to several guy and friends.
  15. Yoginitrish

    Yoginitrish New Member

    To echo much of what has been said: if the texts make you feel uncomfortable and you feel like this conversation would not and could not happen in front of you, them it has to stop. I would confront him. I went through something slightly similar--it was a flirtatious facebook chat-- and I just laid it out. At first my husband was like: "it is not no big deal." But to me it was. It upset me and it made feel he was untrustworthy.
    I trust him and I know it was nothing more than a chat. However, it felt like it was outside our marriage and I refuse to walk around, stressed out about nonsense. I think it my case, it was a maturity issue with my husband. But it hurt, nonetheless. Good luck. I know it feels like a slap in the face.
  16. Yoginitrish

    Yoginitrish New Member

    Nikki--perfect advice and I agree wholeheartedly. The other chick is not really the problem--it is about your husband and you. And, to echo another's comment--I would demand full access to everything. This is more about you-than him--you don't need to lay awake at night wondering what else he has done or his doing. Chances are--this is isolated. But the mind will wander. And you can make him suffer the shame of it all, just a little. good luck.
  17. susansboneyard

    susansboneyard New Member

    I disagree with Yoginitrish. It IS about the other chick and the husband. You can have a wonderful marriage, and still the husband is led outside of its boundaries. Emotional affairs can be worse then sexual affairs. This is an emotional affair. The wife is a victim, not the cause of her husband's wandering eyes.
  18. Cecil15

    Cecil15 New Member

    Well, my husband did this to me before. And what I did was confront him right away. He told me that it was a gay that he was making fun of and that there's nothing to worry about. What's funny was that I burst into tears during the confrontation. LOL :p

    Anyways, I think it is just alright to text that flirty woman and put her into her place. However, it will not stop the communication between them so it is still best if you talk this over with your husband and give him the ultimatum that you will leave him once he continues with it. I do hope that he would listen to you. Because if he won't then I think it is the signal that you have to act at once.
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2011
  19. Eiza

    Eiza New Member

    Sounds to me like the beginning of something that could very easily build to an affair. Talk to him right away. I don't like the term "confront." That puts him on the defensive. Let him explain himself. Then tell him how you feel about it. If he doesn't understand that it is a major breach of trust, then let him know that it is placing your relationship in danger. If he doesn't appreciate that or minimizes it, then you have your answer. It may be time to move on.
  20. Yoginitrish

    Yoginitrish New Member

    Just to clarify--you, I.e., the wife are not to blame. However, you cannot control the actions of other people. And it is not matter what some other woman does-it matter what your husband does. She is nothing--you are everything. Forget about her--concentrate on yourself, your marriage and your husband.

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