Is paying for sex always wrong?

Discussion in 'Sex Advice' started by unbeliever, Feb 24, 2012.

  1. unbeliever

    unbeliever New Member

    I have never paid for sex (outside of the traditional sense of course) and while not directly opposed to the industry itself, I have always been morally concerned with whether the women involved are either forced by someone to work in the industry or tricked into it through drug addictions, financial debts etc which is why I have never even considered it before.

    However, more recently I have actually been considering it for the first time as a possibility.

    I unfortunately have been alone for what is now becoming a stupid amount of time since my previous relationship and the only woman I have met since who was finally able to take my mind off my ex-girlfriend is married and is now my best friend. Unfortunately I have fallen for her and although she is definitely attracted to me, neither of us wish to damage her marriage so we haven't pursued anything further.
    - But this has put me in a difficult situation.

    I went out with a woman not too long ago in the hope of pursuing something with someone new (and who obviously is single and available). We both had a good night and everything seemed to be going well, but when I closed my eyes and was about to lean in to kiss her all I could see was the face of my married friend - I just couldn't go through with it. I tried again later that night but exactly the same thing happened again. Despite my intentions my brain was continually insisting on pretending that this girl was actually my best friend instead.

    The thought of my first kiss in years being with a genuinely decent girl while I'm pretending that she is someone else was (and is) horrible to me and I worry that if things actually progress into the bedroom that my brain will continue the charade. Plus this girl is really a nice person and seems to genuinely like me so it feels completely selfish and unfair to do that to her knowingly - she doesn't deserve that.
    Also if something potentially does develop between us I can't imagine a more horrible or dishonest way for a relationship to start.

    I have been thinking that perhaps I could find a working girl who has some similar physical characteristics as my best friend that I could pay her to 'play a role' for me - which is technically very similar to what they actually do for a living. This way perhaps I will be able to get this fantasy of sleeping with my married friend out of my system.

    I realise that this is probably a stupid solution and probably wont work, but if my mind is insisting on pretending to be with someone else I would prefer it to be with someone who doesn't mind me pretending, rather than a nice girl who deserves a lot better.

    So my question paying for sex always wrong?
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2012
  2. midnightinsomnia

    midnightinsomnia New Member

    No. Most guys end up paying for sex anyways one way or another. No sex is ever free, not even one night stand. Think about the drinks you have to buy for her, the dinner you have to pay, etc, etc.

    I understand the advantages of paying for sex directly, some guys just need a physical outlet and don't want any emotional baggage.

    As for me personally though prostitutes and escorts never appeal to me, I need to know my partner and have a real emotional connection with her to have enjoyment in sex.
  3. inTHEsane

    inTHEsane New Member

    I have not ever paid for sex and I don't ever seeing myself doing so. However I don't see anything wrong with it. If anything I think if they legalized prostitution, had everyone tested on the regular like they do out west Nevada, it would help a lot more then it would harm. Between creating a safer environment for the girls that would be doing it anyway. Mandatory testings helping stop the spread of disease, and also keeping that element out of the streets and neighborhoods and in a brothel away from the public eye.
    unbeliever likes this.
  4. Lee11

    Lee11 New Member

    I hear you, unbeliever, and it sounds like a great 'working' solution to me. It is about what is right and to be honest - the possible legal solution is not always the right solution (e.g role-playing with this girl who likes you)...and the possible right solution is not always the legal one(e.g role-playing with someone who is informed).

    In fact, I feel it is honest, straightforward and admirable (by choosing someone who knows that role-playing is involved) and if approached with thought...could be potentially life-changing, in a big way.

    Go with what 'feels' right for you in your core. I trust you will make the right choice. Be safe (in all ways). oh, so in conclusion, no I do not feel that paying for sex is always wrong - in fact, in certain situations...very possibly?...the exact opposite.
  5. mommyjoyce

    mommyjoyce New Member

    While I am amazed with how deep your feelings are for your best friend, I am also amazed that you actually considered that solution! Whoa! You also reminded me of my dear BFFL>

    My childhood best friend confessed his secret love for me, the year that I separated from my hub. But didn't want a relationship with me, just wanted me to know he is always there for me. Why? Because our parents, our families are really so closed. He knew we wouldn't get proper blessings; and I didn't feel it right also. He married someone born almost same as me, Gemini, too; reads a lot, too, etc. And he said he thought of me while he was with her. (Similar to your story?)

    It's a tough situation to be in. While it sounds ok as per advised by our friends above, I just don't feel all right with that. Can't you be busy with something else? Or open yourself to other possible gfs?
  6. MellowGuy

    MellowGuy New Member

    I believe you pointed out that your main concern was whether or not "the women involved are either forced by someone to work in the industry or tricked into it through drug addictions, financial debts etc". If this is something you have not come to terms with, then this 'solution' might cause more problems. Mind you, I personally don't think there is anything wrong with that "industry" and I also believe that if it be legalized, your concerns about it would not be an issue. However, I also believe a person's value lies in the strength of his/her boundaries. If you go through with something you're not right with, you'd be trading one devil for another.
  7. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote New Member

    The sad truth is, we men, like it or not, always have to pay for sex. Very often, the outright cash transaction type of sex is the simplest. No regrets. No follow-ups. No memories. The other apparently non-cash type of sex usually ends up being more expensive. There will be calls from her the next day, and the next and the next ... Or, in the worst case scenario, an invitation to the nearest police station to answer a charge of non-consensual sex. Never mind that she was consenting at that moment. The law allows her to change her consent. Even much later.

    Maybe we men should band together and start passing some laws to protect us from being taken advantage of as the weakened sex.
  8. roxanne_101

    roxanne_101 New Member

    I agree with others that sex is never really free. A lot of guys will take women out for drinks and/or dinner with the intention of getting sex at the end of the night. If the thought of prostitution bothers you, maybe you can find a fwb type situation? Perhaps you should work on getting over your friend and trying to move on with someone else first. She's married and you guys have decided not to be together. You hooking up with someone else and pretending it is her will likely not satisfy you like you're thinking it will.
  9. AmazingLove

    AmazingLove New Member

    I would say that based on morality, I would prefer never to answer this question on whether paying or hiring someone for sex can be right or wrong. Admittedly, it we would limit our discussion on morality, it would be outright wrong and there should be no ifs or buts.

    However, I am not looking paid sex on that prism alone. I am then just look at it like a business transaction where two people are meeting their needs. Yes, on the part of the sex provider, money is the main motivation and there is no question on that. On the part of the buyer, it could mean sexual and personal gratification.

    Just be careful, of course, that you won't contract a disease that you can shamefully be regretting later. :D
  10. steph84

    steph84 New Member

    I agree that courtship is also like paying for sex so I wouldn't call prostitution "wrong." It only becomes wrong when people are forced against their will. But this is totally besides the point of what the real issue at hand is. Even if paying for sex was "right" we still have the issue at hand. That issue is that you will never be happy with paying someone to play a role and pretend to be the woman you really want. I think this will just make things worse because you won't be able to get over her! You need to forget about this unattainable friend and just move on so that you can be in a relationship that you deserve.
  11. hatteubanal

    hatteubanal New Member

    I admire you. Opting to pay someone to have sex with you instead of using some random girl who'll surely get their feelings hurt in the process is a noble thing to do. However noble your purpose is though, I won't lie. I am not for paying someone in exchange for sex. I don't know why. I just don't think it's right. I know there are prostitutes who like what they are doing. I'm just not for it.
  12. LoveAdmin

    LoveAdmin Administrator Staff Member

    There was this on youtube about that


    If you follow this link you will find the other 14 or parts to this debate if you are interested

    Personally, I think whether or not paying for sex is wrong largely comes down to what you believe and what you can live with. I'm not sure we should be telling consenting adults what they can and can't do.

    I do disagree with some of the others though... we guys don't always pay for sex. Often it is a shared thing that is enjoyed by both parties and there is no sign of "payment"

    Do remember though, paying for sex does have a certain amount of danger involved in it too. There is a risk of disease and people that actively engage in multiple partners have a much greater chance of contracting a disease than those that don't. And when your multiple partners have sex with multiple partners who have sex with multiple partners.... well the danger goes up exponentially
  13. zerospin

    zerospin New Member

    No it's not. Life is so complex, and people can be in so many situations, that it's certain some of them will have to pay for sex, to be able to ever experience it. To say it is wrong would be to deny them the right to experience this essential part of human life. And who are we to decide that?
  14. sherrybelle

    sherrybelle New Member

    I don't think of 'paying for sex' as right or wrong. It's a personal choice. I think it's better than taking the George Costanza approach which is...

    Why pay for it if you can manipulate and deceive someone so you can get it for free?

    Go for it. Spend some money on some sexual satisfaction if that's what you want to do but don't be too surprised if the experience ends up being a disappointment considering the fact that you're trying to substitute one female for another.
  15. Milo

    Milo New Member

    I don't think the paying for sex part is wrong but I do think you will (might) find the encounter lack luster and a poor substitute. I'd imagine you would be emotionally cheating yourself but I don't think I could fantasize that sort of thing. I'm far too centered in the "real world" for my mind to even do that. But if you think it would work for you it does seem a healthy outlet.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2012
  16. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote New Member

    Payment can come in more forms than hard cash. If all you want is just to relieve your sexual tension, there is no need to complicate things by bringing in love and romance, under false pretenses. Bad as it may sound, paying for sex gets the job done much more efficiently. No unexpected after effects, either. You know, after effects like paternity suits.
  17. Sarah C.

    Sarah C. New Member

    There is a big difference to treating someone to dinner and paying for sex, in my opinion. I think you have to consider that the industry is not legalized for the most part in the US., and that you could be arrested for it. That is reality. I am thinking maybe you should look for a friends with benefits situation. Someone you could meet on a regular basis, where you both know you are just wanting intimate company. What do you think about trying that?
    LoveAdmin likes this.
  18. Jenna

    Jenna New Member

    The debate on if prostitution is okay or not aside, I doubt this is going to work. You seem like you have an emotional attraction to your friend, so sex with someone who looks like her isn't going to change your feelings for her. If it was purely lust, I'd say go for it. I just have a feeling you will want her even more after all is said and done. I know it's easier said than done, but move on and find someone else. Distance yourself from your friend- you can still be friends, but it isn't fair for either of you to be close friends when you have such feelings for her.
  19. LoveAdmin

    LoveAdmin Administrator Staff Member

    hmmm... I have never had that experience.
  20. Sarah C.

    Sarah C. New Member

    I am disturbed by the comments that men end up paying for sex anyways. In a courtship, I would think the purpose is to get to know someone to determine if you want to marry them. Is the ultimate goal of marriage to be able to have sex with that person? If it is, then goodluck on that relationship working out. I think if you feel a woman holds out sex on you until you spend money on her, then you need to question if this is the kind of woman you want to date.

Share This Page