Is this fair?

Discussion in 'Family Issues' started by Olive3739, Oct 11, 2015.

  1. Olive3739

    Olive3739 New Member

    My bf and I have a 6 month old baby. He currently works 2nd shift. He doesn't get to see us much because of this. During the week I have no problem taking 100% of the baby and house responsibilitie . However, on Sundays I think it would be nice for me to get a little break. Maybe sleep in for once. He's been working these hours for the past month. The first Sunday he stayed in bed until 5:30pm. We went out drinking Saturday night. The next Sunday I woke up with the baby and also got sick. I went to bed early. The next Sunday he stayed in bed until early afternoon. Today is Sunday at 3:30pm. I woke up with the baby, he woke up at 8am, I got us breakfast, he went back to sleep at 11am. He's still in bed. He doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with this. Am I crazy to think its absolutely ridiculous? He was also layed off for 3 months and rarely did early Morning feedings. I was extremely resentful. Is this ridiculous of him? What are other people's routines as far as baby care? I also want to add that he took Friday off this week also so it's not like he's only had one day to relax.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2015
  2. xTinx

    xTinx Member

    I'm sorry to say but your boyfriend has some growing up to do. He still has this "machismo" mindset that only females should rear babies. His only duty is to assist but that too is optional. He could do without the drinking. I understand he's tired from work, but aren't we all? If you're a father, then you should own up to your responsibilities. Child-rearing is a joint effort. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female. Both parents are equally responsible for their children.
     
  3. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous New Member

    When you decide to go through with having a child, it's time to step up and take responsibility. Life comes with many hardships and as a grown man, he should have known this. You cannot be the only person putting forth the effort in raising your child. I understand that he works hard and long hours, but the least he could do is spend time with his child and help you out when he is awake. As a parent, you're going to be tired for a long time. It comes with having children.

    I think you need to have a heart to heart with him about this. Tell him that it's creating resentment that you do not want to have. Taking care of a child all day isn't as easy as people believe.
     
  4. caughtup

    caughtup New Member

    Agreed! He should definitely realize he needs to help every once in a while. You're both working technically! Taking care of a baby IS a full time job. I understand he's tired, but he has to make time. Maybe he should find another job where he isn't going to be sleeping until late afternoon because that's not fun for you or your baby to never see your man. The baby needs daddy time too. My husband works everyday except weekends and he's always tired, but he still makes time for his family and he even cooks sometimes. So all it takes is effort. I'm sorry you're dealing with that and I hope it gets a lot better for you all.
     
  5. eve.ashley

    eve.ashley Well-Known Member

    Even if you set his patriarchal way of thinking aside, and you shouldn't, by any means consider it something irrelevant, as it will affect everything he does.

    I would worry about what caughtup said, that my child is not getting daddy time...

    This child needs to bond with his dad as well, and that will only happen to an extent your husband let's it happen, by spending time with his son.

    He is being a fun uncle not a dad...

    He is the live in equivalent of a dad with visitation rights, as oppose to 50/50 custody dad...

    Having a fun uncle is great, but having a dad is better, and a dad being a dad, instead of a fun uncle, is optimal and best for any child.

    This is not only about him not caring that you are tired, and need help, this is having two different ideas of child rearing.

    Both are huge issues for any realtionship to overcome...
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  6. Trellum

    Trellum New Member

    He sounds like a really immature person, everyone has duties. I know he works very hard, but at east he should show more interest in feeding his own baby. In a way I guess you are right to feel kinda resentful at him, but I really think you should try talking about this with him. Try it to do it in a very calm way though, try not to sound too accusative or angry, just tell him something in between the lines of: ''when you don't do this or that that makes me feel upset... ''I wish you could do this or that more often''.
     
  7. paigeswan

    paigeswan New Member

    Try setting aside a time to discuss things with him. Building up resentment will not do anybody any good. Write down the things that are bothering and also write down why each is important. Practice what you are going to say, so that it does not cause a fight. Tell him that you would like your child to get to spend time with him and you need a break sometimes.
     
  8. arthnel

    arthnel New Member

    He's not playing a good role in this regard at all. It's not fair, to answer the question. Very likely he will be quick to point out he's tired after working the night shift, but he needs to realize you're very tired also. A baby is a huge handful to be taking care of and watching when they are awake, so I kind of understand what you're going through (I have a 1 year old). He needs to step up and I hope you guys can talk about it straight up so he doesn't think you're unloading stress, but that you have a very valid concern about his chipping in.
     
  9. Lushlala

    Lushlala New Member

    I understand you don't work and he's the bread winner. He works and you take care of the baby. I agree with you that on Sundays when he's not working, he could chip in to give you a little relief. I don't see that as asking too much. You simply have to sit him down and have some words. Maybe he's not even aware of how you feel, just how unfair it is. Plus, doe he not want to bond with his own baby?! It's tough being a parent, he should've known this!
     
  10. morgoodie

    morgoodie New Member

    I understand your resentment with the way your boyfriend is acting towards taking his responsibilities with the baby lightly. If he does not want to be up during the day to care for him then he should give you a break during the evening hours. You need "me" time in order to care properly for your child. Your best bet is to talk to him about your feelings on this topic and let him know how you need more help because it is not easy raising a child on your own. Do not be confrontational with him and attack his behavior. Just talk to him in a casual way and say I need more help. Maybe there are reasons behind why he is acting like this. I wish you luck.
     

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