I'm at a loss. Clearly. I've never been on an internet forum. My husband and I have been married for 3 weeks and I don't know what to do about the fighting. Before I married my husband, I had seen him "lose his sh*t" maybe 3 or 4 times. What that means is, this guy who is calm, sweet, considerate, kind, and generally nice to be around 99% of the time would suddenly get raging upset at the drop of a hat. When he gets like this, he storms in and out of rooms, raises his voice (often yells), swears, points his finger, face turns red, slams doors, is totally irrational, often gets in the car and leaves (no matter what I say), score keeps by bringing up everything he's ever done for me, uses things I've done out of context against me, etc. No matter what I say or do during those times, it's like he's so far gone into some other place in his mind, I cannot bring him back to earth. I'm not the kind of person who screams, yells, name calls, etc. So, while we were dating, I would stay calm, keep my tone level, I'd try to validate him, I'd acknowledge the good things he was doing, I'd acknowledge his feelings, I'd apologize for my part, I'd explain my side, I'd encourage a solution, etc. (I was in therapy a few years ago for a traumatic event and learned all the recommended ways to handle conflict - and really well, too.). These things would rarely work. He'd be a maniac until, finally, something would click and he'd come back to his senses and apologize. Him coming back to his senses though would take hours. In the 3 weeks we've been married, he's lost it 5 or 6 times. I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that he loses it over the most ridiculous things - none of which are ever when we are in a fight or talking about a sensitive topic. For example: -He had had a really stressful day at work. He came home and we both discussed it and him going to the gym to blow off some work stress (he really likes to use the gym to destress). I told him to go to the gym so he could feel better. I wrapped my arms around him, told him I loved him, and told him to go to the gym and to not be gone *too* long. He absolutely erupted. Because I said not to be gone *too long.* -We were driving down the street at the end of a really wonderful day together. We'd spent the day doing projects, having dinner with family, and had been over the moon happy. We were discussing our forthcoming wedding reception (we were unable to have it the day of our marriage). We were discussing what we would like to wear to our reception. I asked him if he'd like to wear a tie and he erupted. It turned into a fight that lasted for hours and well into the next day. That's the thing: almost none of these eruptions happen due to some tension or fight. I will say something completely loving, kind, and benign and he goes insane. The first time this happened when we were dating, I was so caught off guard by it that I almost left him. He said he'd do anything to save the relationship and I told him he needed therapy. We've been going to a therapist for about 3 or 4 sessions now. I wasn't naive enough to think that if I married him, he'd never have one of these nuclear meltdowns. We are both in our 30s, both have been in relationships before (though never married), I have a Master's degree, I'm smart, I'm independent, I have a huge understanding of human condition, and I'm a great communicator in conflict. I completely expected him to do this during marriage. However, I was perhaps dumb enough to believe it would be a rare event AND that it would become even more rare since he'd agreed to/was in couples therapy. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that in 3 weeks of marriage, it would happen far more than it ever happened during our courtship AND usually over increasingly benign things. I'm also distraught at what it's doing to me. I've greatly prided myself on my conflict resolution skills that I spent years cultivating. Even the therapist has said that I clearly have been through therapy if I know how to fight kindly and fairly: lots of acknowledging, compromise, calm tone, etc. But, none of me at my best works on him when he's on the rage. He's told the therapist that, to him, he doesn't feel I am being sincere or I seem condescending. In the last few fights, I've been turning into something I'm not: screaming back at him, storming out of rooms, saying things I don't mean, etc. It's not like I want to be this way - it feels very much that it's not who I am, it's not how I'd ever want to fight. But, he doesn't listen to me when I'm loving and rational. And, in clearly an unhealthy way, it feels like I'm taking my power back by meeting his aggression. When he comes to his senses, he always apologizes. But, it's starting to be harder for me to forgive him. My mind has now many times gone to the place of thinking of ending my marriage. Something I swore I'd never do - I never wanted a divorce. I don't know what to do. Is my marriage ending already?