Knowing when to break-up

Discussion in 'Break Up Forum' started by Maggie10, Jan 6, 2018.

  1. Maggie10

    Maggie10 New Member

    I'm currently in a 6.5 years relationship. It was a pretty steady thing until 1.5 years ago when I left to study abroad so we have been in LDR since. I went back home once and he promised that he will visit me as often as he can but he still never has. We haven't seen each other for almost a year now and I don't feel in love with him anymore. We don't call each other as much, and our conversations are very impersonal. He also has been initiating sex chat quite often I just dodge the topic about 99% of the time. I feel like he only misses me for the sex, or maybe not at all. Plus I am also never comfortable doing that thing. I also don't see him having any concrete plans to visit me anytime soon and I don't want to go back to my country anymore, so I don't see how this relationship can survive. He keeps on telling me it's because it's expensive, but it's been so long so I don't see how he still hasn't saved enough money yet. I know his income(which is quite above average for his age) and he's not supposed to be financially supporting anyone. I feel like he's just not willing to make an effort to see me. And selfish as it may sound, I don't want to make an effort either for someone who cannot reciprocate. I tried to break up with him a few months ago but he begged me not to, saying that he'll change, etc. I agreed saying we'll talk again in end of November to check if he has progressed with his savings, but neither of us have brought up the topic yet, I don't know why. Maybe I'm scared that he broke his promise, or scared that I can't break up with him if he did. I feel so alone away from my friends, him and my family, and I'm scared to be shattered if I make the wrong decision and no one is near for me to cry on. Has anyone had a similar experience? Care to share your thoughts?
     
  2. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    You're not being selfish. A year apart is wayyy too long to expect to sustain a healthy partnership. You're right- you need to have concrete plans to visit each other and if he has the means but chooses not to.... that wouldn't be enough to keep me happy either.

    I understand that you are afraid to leave behind such a huge chapter of your life, and big breakups are always scary. But... isn't he kinda already out of your life already? Talking on the phone once in a while making small talk isn't much of a relationship.
    I don't think it would be as difficult to overcome a breakup with this guy as you think it would be. You haven't seen him or made a good connection with him in at least a year. It's almost like you've partially moved on already.

    This relationship can't continue on as it has been, and something needs to change. I would definitely think long and hard about what you truly want and need from your partner, and if he cannot commit to those needs, you know what you need to do
     

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