Literally anyone give me any input/advice on this I'm listening

Discussion in 'Other Advice, Opinions and Concerns' started by Grace Sandoval, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. Grace Sandoval

    Grace Sandoval New Member

    I’ve liked one of my friends since I was a sophomore in high school (I’m now a sophomore in college). There’s something about him that I can’t put my finger on, but all I know is how happy I am when I’m with him and that it’s more than an infatuation, I really do love him both as a person and in a romantic way. During my first year of college, I decided I had had enough of his mixed signals and trying to figure out if he liked me back. Keep in mind that he is quite awkward, has never had a girlfriend, a little immature/insecure when it comes to this area, etc. My plan was that I would tell him how I felt and if he liked me, then great, we could date. And if he didn’t, then I could finally move on. So I told him how I felt and I think he was pretty caught off guard, but he was nice about it and basically told me he likes hanging out with me and hoped that it didn’t ruin our friendship but that he didn’t want me. I was much more devastated than I thought I would be, and even 6 months later it still hurts to think about it. We still haven’t talked about it since it happened. But I’ve dealt with it as healthily as I could; I’m still ambitious about my future, I still go out and meet new people, I still do fun and productive things. But the thing is, I can’t stop liking him. He and I still hang out when we’re back home together and we have such a fun time, it’s like his rejection never even happened. I know he loves me as a friend and enjoys hanging out with me. I also know that he has some personal issues that could be the reason for not wanting me because he’s very guarded when it comes to his feelings. It’s driving me insane that he never gave me an explanation, because I know I’m a good person, I’m smart, I’m cute, and I make him laugh like crazy. Since he never told me why he didn’t like me I’m left to assume that he just simply doesn’t feel that way, but every time I try to let go there’s a little voice in my head that tells me to not give up hope. I truly feel like it’s intuition rather than wishful thinking and I’ve always felt like we have such a connection that runs deeper than friendship. He’s worth it to me to wait for him to figure out what he wants and work out his deep-rooted issues, but when does hope turn to desperation? Like I said, to someone on the outside, this looks like a peak of my life as I have accomplished so many of my personal goals and have a bright future ahead of me. But on the inside I live everyday debating the chances that he will ever want to be with me. I’m a very open minded person so I still talk to new guys and give them chances because I don’t want to miss out on someone great, but it always comes back to him for me. I don’t know what to do because this is taking such a negative toll on my life. I guess I want an opinion on if you think it’s entirely hopeless or if I should keep hoping. Where do I even go from here? Do I try to talk to him about it the next time we’re together? Do I cut him off completely, even though the thought of not even having him as a friend kills me? Why can’t I shake the feeling that there’s something more than friendship between us, and why do I have a gut-feeling that I need to keep hanging on? I know sometimes when someone doesn’t want you, it makes you want them even more but I don’t feel like this is the case - I feel like I genuinely do love him unconditionally and want the best for him simply because of who he is. Someone please help, I am really at my breaking point with this.
     
  2. LoveAdmin

    LoveAdmin Administrator Staff Member

    I would completely move on. You told him how you feel and you didn't get the response you wanted. Sounds like he just wants to be friends... but that might not work either because it will likely just drive you crazy. Honestly, you might be better off just moving on with your life without him in it at all.
     
  3. Grace Sandoval

    Grace Sandoval New Member

    I think you're right. As painful as it would be to not even be his friend, it's more painful to keep holding on. When I think of cutting him off entirely I feel more relief than pain, so I'm going to interpret that as a sign that this is the right thing to do.
     
  4. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    I'm glad that you told him how you you felt. However, you have your answer already. He is not interested in you romantically. If he was, he would have said so. If he thought about it and changed his mind some time after, he would have done something about it because he knows how you feel. Chemistry and attraction are complicated. You may be incredible, but if he doesn't feel that way, that's just the way it is. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

    I feel like you may be misinterpreting him because you are hopefully searching for signals that his feelings have changed. Hanging around him hoping he'll fall for you is only prolonging the inevitable, and preventing you from getting over him. I would wean yourself off of him, as the friendship you share has already been changed by these feelings. It's up to you how to proceed from here. If you feel deep down that perhaps ONE more time you need to broach the subject again, just to put the issue to bed....if you feel that might help quiet those voices that tell you to keep waiting....then do it. Listen to your heart
     
  5. WoodMan888

    WoodMan888 New Member

    Grace, reading your post, I couldn't believe how much your situation resembles mine (I just posted yesterday about this very same thing). I'm in love with my best friend as well. She and I have that same kind of incredible connection that you and your friend do. It's like nothing that either of us has ever known with anyone else in our lives. And, I can't shake the feeling that the connection we have means something more than simply being destined to be friends. Like you, I feel that it means we belong together.

    So, here are my thoughts. Though I may sound like a romantic fool, I do believe in intuition, and I do believe in hope. If you feel deep down that you two are meant to be, then hold on to it. Don't give up hope yet. If it's truly meant to happen, it will. Just know when to say when. Your heart will let you know when it is time to give in.

    I understand where the other members are coming from. And, yes, from the logical side, their advice makes sense. But, love is rarely logical, and it rarely makes sense. I'm not saying that you should set yourself up for a fall. I'm just saying that when the rest of the world thinks we're wrong to hold out, it may just turn out in the end that we're right. But, again, maybe I'm just a romantic fool.
     

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