Loving Someone online

Discussion in 'Online Dating' started by louise, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. louise

    louise New Member

    i'm all new to this and just needed advice on what i should do, and didn't know where else to go,
    here's my story;

    i broke up with my ex of 5years in september we hadn't been getting along and we had no feelings for each other so it was best to call it a day,
    on the 26th october (even can remember the date)
    i went on a chat site with a friend just messing around, one of them where you carnt see profiles, its just chat, we started talking to a lad who was called "jamie" he didn't have a facebook but had msn, so we made a msn account and spoke to him all night, i am from the UK and he was from Ireland, we ended up texting all that night and the following day something was different about him we just "clicked" he then made a facebook and added me and my friend, we continued speaking everyday, he'd call for hours on end and it aint cheap to call UK from Ireland, then on the 30th october he booked his ferry over here, he forwarded me confirmation email everything seemed legit, we knew we liked each other although we'd know each other a matter of days it seemed like id knew him forever, his ferry was booked for the 18th novemeber, during this period we was talking all the time, even till 7am sometimes, id only ever seen pictures of him or heard his voice over the phone but i believed him, then on the 9th nov we admitted we thought we loved each other, as stupid as it seems i did and i still do, he was nice and my previous relationship was not a healthy one, i felt like he cared, about 5 days before he was about to turn up he text saying his boss wouldnt give him time of work, it broke my heart but he promised me he'd get here before xmas, so we carried on he added 3 more of "his" friends on his facebook and then about 2weeks before xmas he was going to come but the snow was bad so he had to postprone that one again it broke my heart but i believed he loved me he'd send me messages like

    "baby il be over dis month,just hope de weather gets better... dis time really hit me, i realised how much i jus wanna be wit u.. i went a lil mental 2day nd broke de telly ha.. bu yh i jus had a lil moment.. but honestly.. ive never known a girl like you, your perfect to me, and all i want is to be with u.. even if it was jus u i had, i wudnt care.. i love you soo much "

    which made my mind at ease, so christmas came and on christmas day he asked if i would be his girlfriend i was head over heals with the guy i said yes, (still only ever seeing photo's of him) but by this time he'd spent 1000's on credit to call me, so january came and he was coming we told no one as people were already telling me he was fake, then one night on 24th january we said goodnight excited that in a couple of days we would be together at 4am i recieved a text saying that he couldn't go through with it, that he loved me and he was sorry, his facebook had been de activated and his 3 friends had disapeared (his friends accounts were made on the day he made his) i was a mess my world had came crashing down, but then a couple of days later he got back in touch saying he was scared but he wants to give it another go, he'd missed me like crazy, i werent going to go back out with him until i met him this time, so we spoke and he'd call but it all werent the same, something was different, i moved on in life started meeting new people, and he didn't like that i wouldn't hear of him for days if id of gone out one night, then may this year i made the decision to go to dublin, me and a friend went, he agreed before we left that he'd meet me just as friends, after everything that had happened me and him werent ever going to work, we got to dublin and he called said he'd take us to the zoo etc, the next day we went to his home town just you know incase we 'bumped' into him, we didn't, i text him saying i'm in his shopping center meet me, no reply, late that night we got back to the hotel room and he said he couldnt go through with it he wouldnt be able to meet me and just be mates, so we left a few days later, but i get home and theres a email of him talking to me again, and to this day now we are still going around in circles we dont talk as much but i just carnt let him go, he was the first person to treat me right, as stupid as it sounds, iv'e tried the whole get a webcam or meet me thing and he just doesn't go through with it, i don't know what to do, i'm of to dublin again in september and iv'e asked him if he'll meet me 11months after first talking and he says yes but i guess he could be anyone, i have mates that can track his I.P address find out who he really is but i don't feel strong enough if he did turn out to be a fake, sorry for the essay! any advice would be great or anyone else that has been through the same sort of situation x
     
  2. Kaybee517

    Kaybee517 New Member

    You can try and meet him if you want to but I'd bring a friend for safety. Honestly, I'd just forget him because a man that's serious about no playing games or showing true interest will take the initiative to meet you as soon as possible. You won't have to wonder when you meet the right person. Just because one man treats you correctly, doesn't mean he's the one. Men SHOULD treat a woman with respect. With that said, if you think you'll regret not taking a chance to meet him, go set up a public place to meet. Be safe.
     
  3. herestolove

    herestolove New Member

    I absolutely agree with what Kaybee said. BE SAFE. Something is very fishy about the fact that he won't let you see him live, be it on a webcam or in person. What's he got to hide? Besides, why would you want to pursue something with someone who seems to be so indecisive about what he wants, and, in my opinion, needs to seriously man up and grow a pair? All this "can't go through with it" nonsense...
     
  4. rahul_rastogy

    rahul_rastogy Banned

    Meeting him once would work for you. Sometimes situations could go wrong. It would also lead to a point where you can be in problems. Try even consulting an astrologer and meeting him physically. That would help.
     
  5. herestolove

    herestolove New Member

    Dude, are you trying to promote some astrology business or something? Why don't you just post a thread titled "The answer to all of these questions is to see an astrologer!" and give it a rest?! These people want advice, not an ad...
     
  6. ACSAPA

    ACSAPA New Member

    One of the drawbacks of online dating is that you don't know who you're dating. The reason he keeps canceling dates with you and won't let you see him in person or on webcam is that he's probably a fat, ugly guy who sent you a handsome guy's photo. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but people on the internet can package themselves to be anything, tell you anything they want and pass off someone else's photo as their own.

    You said you have friends that can track his IP address and find out who he is. If that's what it takes to break the spell so you can stop longing for this liar, then that's what you should do. At least you'll stop being heartbroken over a guy who doesn't exist.
     
  7. nash22

    nash22 New Member

    Yeah! This is one reason why I don't online date. I don't know whether the person i am talking to is really the person they say they are. Hun, I don't think you need to meet this guy. Something definitely doesn't seem right with this guy. It's like he is leading or luring you on or something. He knows you like him. He is just luring you until the right time. He trying to seem like a good guy who just so in love with you. I can smell BS from a mile away. I don't know what his plans are with you but it's definitely suspicious. I can't tell you what to do, but you need to read between the lines. Any one who genuinely likes you will make time for you. Come on, every time he's always busy. If he does decide to meet you, you better bring your friends with you. Do not come alone.
     
  8. sherrybelle

    sherrybelle New Member

    It seems to me, that you're in love with a fictional character. People are advising you to be careful but I'd be surprised if this guy ever allows you to meet him. For whatever reason, he's avoiding you when it's time to deal with reality.

    I'd be very honest and direct with him. Ask him why he can't go through with meeting you. Is he married? Has he deceived you about his physical appearance? Is he afraid that you'll be disappointed when he meets you?

    If you can't get some very open and honest answers it's definitely time to move on, for the simple reason that, he isn't trustworthy.
     
  9. alicebeautex

    alicebeautex New Member

    dating online is dangerous as we might not know who is that and i once got cheated
     
  10. taskeinc

    taskeinc New Member

    OK Louise, I read your entire post, and I also read the responses from others. I am going to keep it real with you and I'll have to warn you, this is not going to be pretty.

    Are you like, 12 or 13 years old?

    The situation you described has DISASTER and SCAM written all over it. I'm not going to say much because I don't want to hurt your feelings more than I already have, but I will say this:

    If you don't forget about that guy, this very moment, down the road, you will regret the day you ever communicated with him.

    How can you love someone from text messages, emails, and phone calls? Especially the message he sent you. I realize that people take shortcuts when typing text messages and emails, but the overall tone of the email is immature.

    Also, you can bet your last dollar that there is a definite reason why he keeps canceling at the last minute. The guy is SETTING YOU UP. For what, I'm not sure, but he has already realized that you're as gullible as Gomer Pyle on Mayberry RFD, so he will continue to fatten you up for the kill.

    You asked for advice, and as you can see, I'm not one to sugarcoat my opinion about most matters. However, I would tell my own daughter exactly what I just told you, if she came to me with the same scenario.

    Drop this guy like a bad habit or you'll regret it later.

    If you don't know who the character Gomer Pyle is, here's a clip:

    [video=youtube_share;TR3LpriSmxM]http://youtu.be/TR3LpriSmxM[/video]
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2012
  11. Sandra Piddock

    Sandra Piddock New Member

    Taskeinc has said it all really. Why are you spending money trying to meet up with this loser, when he obviously has a major reason for not meeting you? To be honest, just reading one of those texts would have sent me running, because he's either illiterate, immature or both. And all this ducking and diving - there's something very wrong here. He's either married, fat and ugly or a schoolkid who feels big doing this kind of thing. If your friends can track his IP address, let them do it, then perhaps you'll finally realise that this guy - or he could even be a girl - is bad news, and definitely not the love of your life.
     
  12. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote New Member

    Now, why are you trying to meet someone who doesn't want to meet you? That should have been obvious, isn't it? Never mind whether he's real or he's fake. He just doesn't want to meet you. So forget it. Forget him, too.
     
  13. steph84

    steph84 New Member

    He sounds fake. Anyone who has friends who made their profiles the same day as him just screams fake. You are in love with a made up person. Do not give this guy another go. Stop talking to him and stop wasting your time. You know in your heart he's fake and that is why you haven't even asked your mates to track his ip. Sorry honey, but you need to move on to the next one.
     
  14. alicebeautex

    alicebeautex New Member



    woooow well said.. i wish i had someone to tell me that and not just telling me what i want to hear to console myself...facing the reality is hard but sometimes we have to accept the fact
     
  15. Glenn Quagmire

    Glenn Quagmire New Member

    This right here would have been enough for me to realize this is all complete nonsense. He sounds 14.

    Has he ever asked you to pay for his travel expenses or calls or anything? Assuming he hasn't, and this isn't a monetary scam, sounds to me like either A. some kids having fun or B. A guy/kid (I'm sure younger than he says he is) that doesn't want you to see what he really looks like for whatever reason.

    Either way you should bounce, quick, and never look back. Tell yourself it was never real if that helps.
     
  16. Nakhash

    Nakhash New Member

    I met my ex husband online back in the 90s when it was considered odd, dangerous, etc. I know that people were always fascinated to hear that we met that way. We were married for 12 years. I also met a couple of other guys online before I found my ex. So I have some experience and had a similar "relationship." In my case, it turned out he was married and kept stringing me along because he thought he would eventually be able to convince me that I was so in love with him I didn't care. Uh...no. I thought I had made it perfectly clear "no married men or men in serious relationships." This guy is not available. Most likely he's married. The other possibility is that he looks nothing like the photo and doesn't want you to see what he looks like and that he lied. There's a slight possibility he could be dangerous and trying to get you alone. I don't think many killers would go through such an elaborate ruse for such an extended period of time.

    So I agree with those who've told you to be careful and don't meet him alone. But I think it's pretty unlikely you're ever going to meet him. I know it's hard when you become emotionally attached to someone and that most people who haven't been through it don't understand and don't take your concerns seriously. This relationship sounds like it's going nowhere and you really do need to drop him. His behavior sound like emotional abuse. At least you have a friend who's been going through this with you who can be there for you.

    Good luck. And remember. You deserve to have the best in life and to be treated with respect.
     
  17. Ronaled01

    Ronaled01 New Member

    Hi dear i want to say that good thing is that he had already acknowledged that you don't want to take this friendship any further than it is. And if he still insists upon taking it beyond the friendship level, then that will be his own fault.
     
  18. Elov

    Elov New Member

    I really hope you made the right decision and dumped this whole relationship fiasco. Everything about him seems fake. The fact he only had 3 friends on facebook, who I bet had zero friends as well should have been a red alert! I know I don't have a right to tell you what to do with your life, but for your own SAFETY stay away from him. It's best that you find someone else online or off. You can find some really kind and genuine people online, I've been in a few legit relationships. But honestly, there's always going to be weirdos. You just need to use your proper judgement to decipher them. Hopefully you'll be more careful if you ever get into another situation like this. I wish the best of luck to ya! :D
     
  19. ksushil970

    ksushil970 New Member

    Nice reply and thought! All these things depends on thought of a person, but sometimes it can be a games for a meeting with you. So be careful about it.
     
  20. Wilson0

    Wilson0 New Member

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