My 20 year old boyfriend all of a sudden doesn't want to have sex. What should i do?

Discussion in 'Sex Advice' started by Jen1993, Oct 19, 2016.

  1. Jen1993

    Jen1993 New Member

    I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 20. We first met on social media, and then met up. Before we met we did sext. Mostly me doing all the talking because he was shy.

    When we first met up and began dating, the sex was great. He did all of a sudden not want to sext anymore if we were apart for a few days, but i didn't mind.

    Now, almost 2 years into dating, whenever i inititate anything in person, he's not interested. He still continues to tease me however, but when i want to take it further, he's 'not in the mood'.

    A few nights ago for example, i 'took care of him' but when it came to me, he was 'feeling weird'. The next morning when i asked him why he let me do stuff to him if he wasn't in the mood, he said 'because i thought you wanted to do it, so i let you'.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I've asked him countless times if anything is wrong, and he won't communicate with me. I'm not saying sex is everything, but it's getting really difficult when it's been months without anything.

    He also watches porn when he's at home and i'm not around. So i'm not sure what that could mean?

    Sorry if this was long! Any help would be appreciated. Have no one else to ask!
  2. yusuf

    yusuf New Member

    ok bud , before everything i must say that im not that fluent in english so sorry if i had wrongs
    do you want to marry him ? i mean why would you be the first one that who want to have sex ? if you all time take care of him or show your love , he abuse you or even worse he reject you ! furthermore he maybe have another girl friend or you no longer attract him . i never made friend with anygirl but we in iran typically have rules like :
    - girls never let the strange guys (except thier husbands) to have sex with.
    - if a girl make friend with a boy she never requested the sex or something first ,...
    however i think he no longer devoted to you cuz you said that he watch porn but dont love sex with you so if i were you i never let him to have this relationship
    you arent doll that he play with you at anytime and whatever he wants throw you away so tell him to marry you and if he didnt break up
  3. TheUtterFool

    TheUtterFool Member

    Well first of all, I think there's cultural differences, not just fluency in language, with regard to a barrier here Yusuf.

    Jen, you need to have an open and honest discussion with the guy. A healthy relationship can only thrive when both parties are being fulfilled both mentally and physically. Ask him what he thinks your relationship is, and then if it's not what you want, you need to consider whether or not it's the right one for you.

    With regard to him not wanting sex - That on its own would be fine. But, to me, he just sounds like a lazy lover; happy for you to please him, yet completely forgetting that great sex occurs when both are fulfilled. I know this is a bit of a personal question, but is the porn in question that he's watching something you're uncomfortable doing, ie BDSM or something? If so, then that could be why. If that's the sort of thing that gets him going, he could be preferring porn because he, a) doesn't think you'd want to do it / would be uncomfortable with it or, b) is too shy to actually say that's what he's in to. However, if it IS something you're uncomfortable with, don't force yourself to do it. If it turns around, you start doing a certain thing to please your partner, but now you're not enjoying the sex, you're back to square one.

    So it's the same advice I give literally everyone - Sit down and talk about it. If he's not interested in talking, or if you talk and decide you want different things from life, take a week or so apart to clear your head, and think about why you're in this relationship and what you want from the relationship. (I'm assuming unmarried, no kids due to your ages, forgive me if i'm wrong.)

    Best of luck to you,
  4. Jen1993

    Jen1993 New Member

    Thanks for replying. You're right, we don't have any kids. I'll definitely sit down and have a talk with him the next time i see him. I don't think the porn is anything other than just the standard categories. Obviously could be wrong though, but i'll figure that out as well.

    Again, thank you for the help!
  5. eve.ashley

    eve.ashley Well-Known Member

    Girls, two years of withholding se'x and rejection, you should have left him 1.5 years ago. I', sorry, but no se'x bad se'x, selfish se'x is a total deal breaker for me. If he is not well he should have said something years ago and had a responsibility to seek help. Just think of all the se'x intimacy, oxitocin, physical touch, se'xual love and se'xual validation you could be experiencing with a good bf, in contrast to you very crappy one. How are you not losing your mind is beyond me. I can skip a day and not have se'x wiht my parter, but next day we better do something se'xual and both climax at least once, or I will start to feel unwanted, unloved and lose my cool. Of course if neither of us have terminal cancer and such bad things, I am talking normal day to day circumstances. And yes, he sounds selfish letting you do stuff to him and not reciprocating. Just leave him.
  6. sensualshai

    sensualshai New Member

    Not sure if this is still relevant to OP, but posting in case it helps someone else...

    Does he ever ask you for like a blowjob anymore? Or is it like he literally doesn't need you for his own needs at all?

    If it's the latter, then it probably wouldn't be worth sticking around with him if you need sex for yourself. Plus you should always want someone who legitimately wants you back, not just sexually but emotionally as well, and it doesn't sound like that's him.

    I wouldn't make a rash decision on that though. If you really need to get yourself off in the meantime, or when you do finally break things off with him, dildos and other sex toys are always a good option :) Good luck!
  7. Tabonk26

    Tabonk26 New Member

    I think everyone should have their own space, and I do not see anything terrible here, that in different angles. But at night in the same bed and in an embrace. Maybe I'm reasoning because I'm still single, but from the companies Escort in Prague, only beautiful girls girls at night I do not mind at all.
  8. DenKarter

    DenKarter New Member

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  9. Cassiopiayasuo1

    Cassiopiayasuo1 New Member

    let's make him against the shy, be confident about yourself

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