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Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Angela Shortt, Nov 20, 2017.


Should I stay or should I go?

Poll closed Dec 20, 2017.
  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
  2. No

    0 vote(s)
  3. Talk it over with him first

    0 vote(s)
  4. No explanation; just break it off

    0 vote(s)
  1. Angela Shortt

    Angela Shortt New Member

    I'm a 59 year old divorced Black woman who's going to be 60 in five months. I met a man ten years ago when we were both working at the same college, and admittedly, I fell very hard for him. He is half Mexican, half White, but since he was mostly raised by his mother, he identifies more with the Mexican side of his family. He is also twenty years younger than me, in fact, he's only four years older than my oldest child. We have broken up countless times over the past ten years, but we can't seem to stay apart for long. I'm miserable when he's not in my life, and he told me he has only met women who try to manipulate or change him, and that depresses him.

    We don't do anything particularly special when we're together. We go on long drives, shop at farmer's markets, cook meals, go to the movies, listen all types of music, binge watch Netflix, laugh uproariously at comedy shows, talk anything and everything for hours. And yes, the sex is absolutely incredible! I've never felt so loved and accepted in a relationship before.

    But I can't give him what he really wants: children. My physical contribution to the baby making business has been gone for two decades. His family is pressuring him to get married and have children, especially since he just turned 40. He told me that his mother is a very traditional Mexican woman, and she wants grandchildren, as in yesterday. We've broken up several times over this. He has dated other women, but he says they were miserable experiences.

    I know he would be a devoted husband to a very fortunate woman, and a loving, patient father to his children. It feels like a dagger in my chest to write those words, but I know it's the truth. Besides, his family would never accept me. His mother doesn't like Black people; she believes the most outrageously biased stories that appear on Fox News about us. She wants him to marry a Latina who "knows how to cook like her", or a White girl who " knows when to shut her mouth." Well, I don’t fit those descriptions. And even though he continues to defy his mother by seeing me, he still loves her, as "any Mexican guy should."

    I've given up thinking about living the rest of my life with him. It's a pipe dream. My mother is gone now, and I regret all the things I did that caused her pain. I don't want him to hurt his mother like that. I have to let him go. I don't know what to say to him, and that might be my emotional resistance to saying goodbye. What do I say? I've said it before, and it was never permanent. I need to believe that this is finally it, and make him believe it, too. I need help finding the right words to say to the only man I've ever truly loved, besides my father, brother and son. Do I simply say goodbye and walk away? Or do I tell give him an explanation, and then say goodbye?
  2. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    It depends on what you really want to do. It sounds like you two really love each other. His mama can learn to deal with it if she doesn't think you are her son's type- which BTW is his choice only.

    If HE wants to have children as well as you, there are other ways to go about that. Adoption, fostering, surrogate, etc.

    I have my doubts that you truly want to end things with him at all, and I am struggling to see why you two can't find a way to make it work since you can't seem to be apart
    Angela Shortt likes this.

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