I am really looking for guidance with my situation and hopefully someone can please provide me with the experience and insight that they have. I am a twenty year old girl that had been dating one particular person for about three years up until a month and a half ago. I want to be really clear about every dynamic in relationship so please bear with me. The initial first year of our relationship went very smoothly I believe partly because we were so young and there wasn't much to our relationship. I attended a four year university and lived on campus and my ex being a year older than me went to community college about thirty minutes away. I have always been a very driven and intelligent young lady and I believe that he really resented those qualities about me because of the way he felt about himself and about school. Two years into the relationship things changed as far as our personal goals. I continued to pursue my education and at this point my ex had been at the same community for three years when his initial desire was to transfer after two. He started working at a popular clothing store and got a lot of attention for his height. They began taking pictures of him for their instagram page and as a result he began to pursue being a model and a music career. At the time this did not make me nervous or resentful of him because I also felt like I had it going on. It wasn't something I personally want to do with me life but I respected his dreams and desires. As he began working more he also began to see me less which was a problem for me. The free time that he would have, he began to choose his friends and other things before the relationship. I am not overly clingly in relationships , I am just more mature and believe that relationships take work. When I expressed to him my concerns he took the comment and me creating problems that we didn't need to have. He went on to say how busy he was and how we were basically in a long distance relationship? I continues to address my concerns and in return he broke up with me because he felt like I was putting too much strain on the relationship. A few days with us not speaking would pass and then he would call from a blocked number to get me back, drive to my school and show mild effort and then the cycle would continue. This cycle continued for over a year and I obviously was too stupid to just stay away. A few months later I found out that my ex was cheating on me with some girl he met on okcupid and it was going on for about four months. I obviously was devastated by this but felt like him cheating on me was a reflection of what I was doing wrong and as a result instantly took him back. It seemed like he tried for a little and then it would always end up with him breaking things off two weeks later, especially if I made him too upset. He told me that it was my responsibility to fix myself and to not be in the relationship if I was not over what he did. I can admit that I needed to probably take time to think and I would have ended up not getting back together with him altogether. As this cycle continued he just became more and more cruel towards me and began saying and doing things that I couldnt even believe. I had found out that he had made a fake Facebook account and when addressing this discovery he called me crazy, denied it and refused to hand over the passwords to his accounts because "he's a human being a deserves privacy". The general trust just wasn't there and I had constant feelings of anxiety which I am now learning may be the result of PTSD (I still sometimes have these feelings.) What ended our relationship in a month and a half ago was that I asked him to act more appreciative towards things I do for him. The morning of the breakup I had made him breakfast and brought it to him in bed and expected him just to say thank you. We had just spent an amazing weekend at a hotel that I booked for us and everything was fine. He then went on to say that he had been planning to break up with me for a while and him breaking up with me has nothing to do with me fussing about the breakfast. I began crying and begging and he told me he has no interest in seeing me cry so can I do it somewhere else. A few weeks before I got him angry because I brought up a couple of lies that he has told me and he went on to call me crazy, to tell me that he doesn't care about me and doesn't care if I were to leave him. I left his house and blocked his number and a few weeks later he called me from a block number asking me how I was doing. I got really upset and told him to delete my contact info which would include my email and phone number and to also throw away remaining pictures and items that I may have left at his house. He told me that he refused to delete my contact info, that maybe in the future we can try again at our relationship and that his "love" for me will never change. At that point I was so upset of being thrown away for so long after all the good that I have done that I changed my number and deleted both email accounts that he had access too. I feel like it was the right decision and I reached out to a therapist that has been helping me understand what she believes is his personality disorder. She believes that he will end up being a drug addict (he smokes a lot of weed and does other hard drugs in moderation) and that it was better for me to get out of it when I did. I've been very strong with closing the door and keeping that door closed but I still suffer with much of the aftermath of the relationship. For example, thinking that i'm crazy, that I am the one at fault for this, etc. I think I wanted to see if I could get some words of encouragement from people who can see this situation for what it is. I have been told on more than one occasion by a mass array of people that at some point in the future he will attempt to rekindle or persuade me to enter the relationship again especially since he refuses to let my contact info go. Even a woman who I went too to tell me my future told me that he would start to realize and wake up once I made it clear that I was gone forever and I do believe that you never know what you have until its gone. I need the strength to not go back when this happens and i am praying to god that I wont do so. I still love him very much because he was apart of my life for so long. Although my emotions have improved greatly I just need some hope and encouragement that what I am doing is right. Thank you for your time and your honesty !