Really need opinions

Discussion in 'Family Issues' started by Olive3739, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. Olive3739

    Olive3739 New Member

    I need opinions from outsiders. My kid's father and I have not been together since xmas. Since then we have established a custody and parenting time order. He is also ordered to pay child support. Our parenting time is 50/50. He has not payed any child support at this point, due to paperwork not going through because he would not provide the needed info. He is currently layed off from work and has been since xmas. I was a stay at home mom with no source of income other than what he provided. I recently got a job and since my son's father was layed off and Ive had no income since xmas, I asked if he would watch our son on my custody days so I could work. I said I needed help until I could make money and find another option at the least. He agreed only if I payed him. Ive had no other option as far as someone to watch our son so I agreed. Our custody days change every 2 days so there is never a set schedule which makes finding a sitter very hard. Daycare is my only other option. Does it seem ridiculous for me to pay him? I provide food, diapers and wipes. Is cash on top of that crazy? I am more than willing to watch our son on his days for no compensation. I kind of thought thats what we should do for each other and our son. My friends say its stupid. I'm just not sure.
    tanyabhatt likes this.
  2. morgoodie

    morgoodie New Member

    I would agree with your friends that it is not right for you to pay him to watch his own child. He is probably doing that because he is supposed to pay child support. I would keep track of the money that you have paid him if you are going to continue and also get something in writing that he has received this money. A contract of sorts and have him sign it. If you are going through the government to get your child support, you can call them to see if this is right for you to do. You are providing him with everything and he is getting cash on top of that so really there is no point in him getting a job basically. Without a job, he does not have to pay child support so for him it is win/win. I think you have to do what you need to do for you and your child but I would find a better solution fast if it was me. Good luck.
  3. eve.ashley

    eve.ashley Well-Known Member

    First of all if you have the shared 50/50 custody, and are of similar incomes nobody should be paying child support. If one of you cannot provide as good of a standard to the child as the other, the better off one should pay in child support so the child would have equal standard of living in both of its homes.

    This means while you are working he isn't you might pay, and when you were stay at home, he worked, he should have payed to you.

    No way anyone should charge the other for having the child home, additional days, that's a treat for the parent who gets to stay home with the child and should be free.
    Yes, you should look after your child for each otter, much better to be with your dad than a baby sitter, for a small child. However, maybe your co parent (ex) just feels take advantage of, and is really only trying to make a point.
  4. Theo

    Theo New Member

    No, you should not be paying him to look after your son. However, I can see the issues in that he is laid off work and it's hard for him to be a stay at home dad in some respects. It's a tough one not knowing the full story, but if he insists and you have no choice, keep a record or all payments made to him; do it via bank transfer or check so there is a record, then claim it back when he does stay paying support.
  5. Lushlala

    Lushlala New Member

    Wow, this guy is a piece of work! I totally agree with your friends, it's just ridiculous and you ought to tell him that and promptly nip it in the bud. In case he didn't read the memo, remind him it's also his son, and part of being a parent's job is to look after their child. Be kind and break it down to him that sadly, the lifetime job is not remunerated at all! If I were you, I'd put my foot down, and even take my child to a day care rather than give him a penny of my money.
  6. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous New Member

    I don't think you should be paying him to watch his child. You are definitely not wrong in thinking this is ridiculous. I don't see how someone could even be comfortable bringing that up, even as a joke. I would never expect anything for watching my own children. It shouldn't even be considered watching them, but spending time with them. If he needs compensation for that, then he needs to really reevaluate his priorities.
  7. Olive3739

    Olive3739 New Member

    Thank you. Financially he makes a few hundred dollars more in unemployment than I do working and probably thousands more when he is working. So it's not that he's struggling. I do think it's to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what that is. Maybe he does feel taken advantage of. Not my intentions at all. I just want to have a job otherwise I can't buy our son food or diapers and I did not have the means to pay for daycare. Now I do and our son starts tomorrow.
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2016
  8. Theboysmom04

    Theboysmom04 New Member

    I wouldn't pay him to watch your son especially if you are providing all the stuff you're sending. Actually depending on the state you're from, he's supposed to cover half of daycare expenses. He should be paying his support whether employed or not. I would keep pushing the issue with the state until he did.
  9. OpinionatedMommy

    OpinionatedMommy New Member

    You should never have to pay the father of your child to keep him for you to work. My ex husband has every other weekend visitation and is ordered to pay child support, due to his lack of being able to keep a job this does not happen. However, if for any reason my fiancee or I need him to get our son he is always there. I do not send clothes or anything with him as they never return, he has never once told me I had to pay him. I would speak to an attorney and make him responsible for half the day care, whether he has a job or not is no longer your problem. If my ex tried this I would have him in front of a judge so fast his head would turn around. I understand hardship and sometimes he can not pay child support, my fiancee and I are better off financially than my ex so I do not press the issue. However, paying him to spend time with his own child would have me so mad that I would take legal action.
  10. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy New Member

    He is the father of your son and you should not pay him for taking care of your child. In fact he should be the one working in order to give support to your son. If his attitude is like this it only shows that he does not have that love for your son. Why he will ask payment from you by just watching his own son? You are right in your thinking that it seems to be ridiculous if you will pay him.
  11. Lillian Born

    Lillian Born New Member

    True! What's the current situation? Is he still demanding money to take care of his own child? What your attorney has to say about all this? The same case is with my aunt. His husband demands for the money to take care of their own daughter. She shared these details with her lawyer and they applied for the sole custody of the child by briefing out the whole situation to the court. We can't stop a father to meet his daughter, but there will be certain rules and fixed dates and timings, I guess.
  12. Pedro Smith

    Pedro Smith New Member

  13. babykk

    babykk New Member

    You should hold onto the baby and protect your position. You can do it, my friend
  14. suri1100134

    suri1100134 New Member

    I don't think you should be paying him to watch his child.
  15. advi

    advi New Member

    I think so too

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