Sit with my husband or run with my lover?

Discussion in 'Marital Problems' started by ChelseaNorman, Jun 27, 2017.

  1. ChelseaNorman

    ChelseaNorman New Member

    I've been married for a year now and in love with my husband for 8 years. Back story: We were on and off for 5 years and completely broke up for 2 years and got together again and decided to elope, because he's in the Navy and it was the best way for us to live together. It was only until after 4 months into our marriage, he cheated on me and I found out 2 months after the incident which was 2 weeks before his 6 month deployment. I was devastated.. and honestly I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could sulk in my sorrow. Because not only did that hurt me but I had just got fired from my job that I was passionate about and found out I had a medical condition that affects my mental state, so you can only imagine the stress I was dealing with. He made me feel so alone and depressed but I stayed with him because I didn't really have anywhere else to go and I felt that maybe I deserved it anyway. While he was gone I was really down but I figured that this was no life to live and focused on bettering myself for my own sanity. I went to school, I got a good job, I even got a dog and I felt so much better and alive. 2 months before his return an old friend who I hadn't seen in years because he was also in the navy and was overseas for 6 years visited me and we hit it off so well he kept coming back. So I was seeing him almost everyday and I know that's not okay for a married woman but I said why not, we're just really good friends right? Eventually we grew feelings for each other, especially because we have a lot of similar deep rooted issues that we find closure within one another. There are things I told him that I wouldn't dare say to my husband because my husband is very conservative and can be judgmental at times so he scares me in that aspect. My friend doesn't judge me, he makes me feel good about being myself even with my issues,I don't have to hide my medical condition either. He talks me through it and it helps a lot. He also suffers from PTSD and unintentionally I help him with that as well. He's told me he's very much in love with me and promises me a great life and I believe him. But my husband found out right before coming home and at first he was angry and told me to leave but after thinking about it he feels he made me this way and blames himself now and wants to work things out. I told him that's not the case and I don't feel I was vulnerable but he keeps telling me I was and now I might be starting to believe it. I've been honest with him and told him how I feel for my friend and he refuses to let me go. Thinking of all the things I have established with my husband, it makes me terrified to leave but the hopes for a happy future with him look very low. I don't feel the same way with my husband the way I do for my friend or anyone for that matter. With my husband, don't get me wrong, I love him but I'm not in love with him anymore. I feel as if I offered my entire world to him just so he could crush it and I offer so much to him emotionally but I hardly get anything in return. He also doesn't understand or really know how to deal with my condition but I don't blame him, that's just who he is. He wants a chance and says that I haven't given him one, yet he had plenty of chances the moment we got married, am I right? I look at all the things I have with my husband and how much he's willing to change but I don't want him to change who he is if there is someone out there for him who will allow him to be himself just as I found someone. My friend is something new and great and very scary at the same time. My husband and I have history, establishment and that's very scary as well. However, when it comes down to it, I don't trust either of them, one because he's new and the other because of the past. They both are very much aware of each other and both want me. I'm not sure what I should do.. I need an outside party opinion.
     

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