So very, very confused at how to handle this situation, any advice would be great

Discussion in 'Family Issues' started by HiVoltage, Dec 14, 2015.

  1. HiVoltage

    HiVoltage New Member

    Ok, here goes. I shall apologize in advance for the length of this post, but its a very complicated and difficult matter, I am grateful to all who are willing to continue on. So, here go...

    When I was 18, I married a wonderful woman who happened to be 14 years my senior, with 4 daughters from a prior marriage. Our marriage was the most wonderful time of my life, and her daughters quickly became my own, in heart, soul, and name. We were married for 6 years when she was murdered, violently, leaving me, an active duty US Navy medic, with 4 young girls to raise. I managed to get them all through school, and, by some miracle, none of them were pregnant or on dope, or any of those such things. We all remain very, very, close.

    My oldest daughter (36) found herself in a marriage with a fellow I served in Iraq with, but his demons from those days over took their relationship, it turned abusive, so she left, only to fall in with another fellow who was just as abusive, but more so mentally and emotionally than physically. After 4 years, she escaped that as well.

    On November 9th (coincidentally her mothers and my anniversary) she informed me that she had married a fellow she had been seeing for about 3-4 months. I have never met, or spoken to, this individual. Recently, my daughter called me to inform me she was having an issue with a man from work who was stalking her (I have a rather extensive law enforcement / personal security background), and as she was explaining the situation to me, her new "fellow" became irate that she was asking me for assistance, and, in the background of the conversation, I hear "So whatever, then just let THAT M****RF****R handle it." Needless to say, given the situation, I did not call my daughter on it at the time. (Remember, I have never laid eyes on, or spoken to, this fellow). Since then, I have not really expended any effort to contact her.

    Then, about 5 days ago, I received a very distressed message from my daughter telling me that they were losing their apartment, and would have no place to go, so I called her to see what, if anything could be done.

    During the course of the conversation, her fellow once again became irate and began M****RF****R'ing me AGAIN. This time, I quickly told her that I loved her, to let me know what she decided, and to call me back. Again, I said nothing about her fellows comments.

    Yesterday, she called and began begging me to allow her, her new fellow, and his 19 year old son to move into my home. None of them are employed, or, for that matter, even have a drivers license. So, I asked her, bluntly, why on earth I should allow someone who has never spoken to or met me, into my home, for me to support, when he is, (at least in my opinion and feelings) more disrespectful than I would EVER tolerate from my own blood, let alone someone I do not even know? (You have to understand, I am 6'2" 235 pounds, and a veteran of 3 wars. If someone on the streets were to speak to me in such a manner, well, it would NOT be the first time I have beaten someones ass.) Her response was that they had been arguing earlier and it was HER fault because he was mad, and it just "got said", and she was sorry I felt disrespected. I inquired of her exactly how SHOULD I feel? Was what he did NOT totally and completely disrespectful and uncalled for? She said he was sorry and did not mean it disrespectfully. My thought is, he is not much of a man if he is making his wife accept the blame and consequences for HIS inappropriate behavior, and if he WAS sorry, AND any kind of MAN, he would be apologizing HIMSELF. (Am I wrong on feeling this way?)

    So, they are still in need of a place to live, and have 2 weeks left to find one. While I will not see my daughter on the street, I do not feel, in any way, comfortable allowing her fellow to move into my home. Would I be wrong, or "out of line" to tell her that SHE is welcome to come here, and stay as long as she wishes, but he and his adult child can "pound sand"? I do not want to alienate my daughter, but I also do not feel I should be put in a position to pay for the "honor" of having a stranger live in my home, eat my food, and be disrespectful to me in such a manner.

    Any thoughts, ideas, ect, would be truly appreciated!

  2. Trellum

    Trellum New Member

    If you are the same troll who is always wasting his time here making up several kind of stories.... not cool bro, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and tell you that you did what any person with some common sense and brain would have done. No regrets!
  3. HiVoltage

    HiVoltage New Member


    Thank you for your insinuation, however, I have NEVER posted to this site, or even knew it existed, until I made my post. Thanks for your "assistance" (Please excuse my tone, it appears the SARCASM lock on my keyboard is jammed again.) Ass.
  4. OpinionatedMommy

    OpinionatedMommy New Member

    First off thank you for your service, I come from a military family. I would assure her she was always welcome however, he was not. I would not allow that kind of stress in my home. If you offer her a place and she refuses due to him she has made her decision, but I would explain to her that the disrespect that he has shown you as her father would not be good circumstances for them to move in together. I would simply tell her "My door is always open to you, but he will have to find somewhere else to stay. I am very uncomfortable moving him in hearing the way he has spoken with me on the phone and I fear that if he were to speak that way to you in front of me it would cause problems in mine and your relationship due to my reaction as your father. I hope you understand that I love you but I can not allow that type of verbal abuse towards you in my home. For these reasons you are welcome to stay but he needs to find a job and find his own place."
    My mom had to do this with my brother, he made his choice but it did not take long for him to leave the girl and move home. I pray for your family.
  5. eve.ashley

    eve.ashley Well-Known Member

    I think your daughter is yet again in an abusive reationship.

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