Discussion in 'Break Up Forum' started by TH BLUE HEART, Sep 21, 2017.


    TH BLUE HEART New Member

    Have you ever wondered how you start over when a relationship has ended? I don't know about you, but I am currently going through this. I "dated" a guy for three months, which then turn into becoming "fuck buddies" for an additional five months and now he has officially moved on. He doesn't know that I know. He don't know that I have seen a picture of the guy he is with. He doesn't know that I feel like this new guy is the "Saks Fifth Avenue" option and I am the whereas I feel like I am the "Dollar section at Target." He's smart and closer in age and going for his PhD and me, I am 28 year old social butterfly that always wanted him to be happy. His happiness was mine. His wins were mine. Part of me wants him to be happy, as he was my first love. I want to make sure this new guy treats his right. Loves him more than I could ever and just makes him happy. The other part wants one more chance. One more night with him. I never felt so safe, sexy and loved by anyone else prior to him. But now I am here wondering how do I start over? How do I get to that point where I love this guy less and less? How do I get to the point of accepting that we probably won't ever be together and I should just let him go? How do I learn to not feel at guilt for his mistakes and wanting to apologize to him? I'm scarred that now that he is moved on, I will just become a memory that will slowly fade away with every text he sends to this new guy. That we will see one another at a party for a mutual friend or an art show and I will have to pretend like I am not affected by this. How do I move on...?
  2. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    You're going to be okay, it's just going to take some time. Your first big relationship is always the hardest to get over. First off, please stop comparing yourself to his new partner. This guy may be getting an education and is intelligent, but you have no idea what he's really like. He may have a nasty temper or horrible midnight farts or be a hardcore cheater. It's never a good idea to compare yourself to someone else, particularly using social media images that are groomed to be something greater than they are.

    You sound like a really caring, articulate, loving human being. I was touched by how you describe how you felt his wins and happiness were also yours. You are a true romantic, and you deserve someone that feels the same way.

    The last thing you want to do at this point is crave "one more night" or one more chance with this guy. It doesn't seem like he was too into starting a real relationship (and may not be now either, you don't know what is going on behind closed doors) The best thing to do is keep this guy out of your sight. Remove him/unfollow from social media. Get rid of or keep well hidden all your keepsakes/text messages/notes, etc. from him. Don't cross paths with him whenever you can avoid it. Keep yourself busy!!! The busier you are, the more activities you do and more friends you spend time with, are all distractions for your brain. Some days will be harder than others, but eventually a day will go by, then two days, then a week, a month, a year...and you will realize the chokehold he had on your thoughts lessened every day.

    You will find another love, and new partners to experience, just give it time.

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