The only man I ever loved and the one I hurt the most...

Discussion in 'Break Up Forum' started by Katarina, Dec 16, 2017.

  1. Katarina

    Katarina New Member

    Hello everyone,

    This is the 1st time I ever write or do things like this, but I feel desperate. I need help and I hope someone would read this and advice me well.
    This is a long and confusing one, so take your time.

    Everything started 4 years ago. I met a boy (X) and from friends, we became a couple. Our love began quickly, the feeling was pure, innocent and nothing like before for both of us. Quickly things went seriously, and after month of being together, we already knew "he/she is the one".
    Things were fine, but not everyone was so happy about us. My friends and his friends were... jelous. I don't know. But they tried to convince us that we are too young, not stable etc. They got in our way and caused a lot of problems and doubts. I could say that almost every issue we had in our relationship was because of 3rd part.
    But our love grew stronger, complicated, but REAL. I have never loved anyone as I love(d) him. I know he felt the same. We engaged, wanted kids and life together at only 18 years old. But he had his influence of his friends and family, I've got mine. Well... we cheated on each other. He actually had flirt and nothing more, but it really hurt me to the point I was no longer excited to be in that relationship. I felt sad, betrayed, not worthy... and few months later I cheated too. It was flirt at first, then we broke up, and I had sex with the other guy after that. But in my heart I feel like I betrayed him so so so bad. When we broke up, he was crying like I've never seen him before. He was really bad mentally, begging me to be together, promising me that we will be together some day even if that means 5 years from now. Months after that he was reaching me every day, texting me, calling me, etc. But I ignored him, I wanted to move on and to feel happy again...

    Now, After 2 years of being separated, we both moved on with our lives. I am currently living with a really good guy, but I don't love him. I know he had(s) realtionship too. I wrote to him last year, he didn't even SEEN it. I know he is talking crap behind my back, he even wanted to meet my current boyfriend and talk to him. He eventually did and told him about my cheat, that he cheated me more than once (which I do not believe) and crap like that. A lot of his friends are requesting me on FB, writing to me, even talking to me about him. Members from his family still like my pictures and stuff. But he... he doesn't seem to care about me. He haven't contacted me since I am in relationship.

    So I don't know what to do. I am afraid to contact him. I am afraid that it he does not love me, or even worse - ignore me I would be so devestated. I don't even care about my current relationship, I don't care about how hard it would be to get together and heal the wounds. For these 2 years I realized that he is the ONE I will never be able ot open my heart again for anyone else. I dream about seeing him, talking to him, but I am so scared. It took me 2 years to admit to myself that. I was trying to move on, be happy, have a new life, I even changed the country... nothing works. I am happy for a while, and then I get back to "reality" which is a life without the one I love.

    I hope with all my heart you can help me, advice me or just talk to me. No one is supporting me about this, and I know it might be bad to feel this way... but I can't change it.
    Hope you have a good day. :)
  2. Katarina

    Katarina New Member

    And sorry for my english, it is not my native language.
  3. drsky

    drsky Member

    Hello Katarina,
    Sometimes relationships take a different course, out of our control. Being young and being in a first relationship, many aspects one tends to fixate upon, especially the beautiful moments. But one card down(like him cheating on you) all topples. Had you both being experienced and in your 30's or 40's. perhaps it may have not happened. When one is in love( forgiving to many ills and being unconditional) one tends to forget the negative character of the person.
    You saw the negative side of him, yet you love him, whether it is good for you or not. Now, there are questions you have to ask yourself, plenty , and then decide.
    Will you be truly happy with him,perhaps you can forgive him and get back into a relationship with him, but will he treat you right and respect you and the relationship again. How is he to the other girls, does he respect them, treat them properly.

    Do you think he cares about you now, and is good to you now?
    Only if you are in touch with him, will you come to know what kind of person he is now and will be. Only time will tell.
    Without being in touch, atleast as friends, you may not know.

    If you think you want to try this relationship again, you have to befriend him first and get to know the type of person he is to you and then
    take a chance with him, meaning risk it all(like you want to), your current boyfriend may not stay with you if you keep getting closer to the first.
    Atleast you may not think of the first guy forever, if it does not work out.
    This is all upto you to decide, think with your mind also and then make a move to befriend him, and if he is not good to you, try to forget him.
    On the other hand, if he has truly changed, it will reflect in his personality, character, the way he treats you and respects you and respects other girls.

    Love is an emotion, a beautiful emotion.
    But if something is not good for you, but you keep wanting it(like alcohol and drugs), there are ways, you can remove those emotions (negative aspects) slowly, and let fresh path take course.. Yes, it is also possible, so if it is not going to work out with your first guy,
    do go into meditation and kriya yoga and eternity process therapy in kriya yoga( art of living course) to release your past. Lot of research has been done, browse through

    So think of all this before you make a move. Decision is yours. Experience teaches us lessons and helps us to move on in life.
    And pray to GoD daily(for GOD is love) and help couples and singles seeking love and marriage as much as possible, so that
    positive karma/action will bring love into your life.

    Wish you the best,
    Dr Sky
  4. Katarina

    Katarina New Member

    Thank you so much for your attention and advice!
    I'll try my best. :)

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