Hello everyone, This is the 1st time I ever write or do things like this, but I feel desperate. I need help and I hope someone would read this and advice me well. This is a long and confusing one, so take your time. Thanks. Everything started 4 years ago. I met a boy (X) and from friends, we became a couple. Our love began quickly, the feeling was pure, innocent and nothing like before for both of us. Quickly things went seriously, and after month of being together, we already knew "he/she is the one". Things were fine, but not everyone was so happy about us. My friends and his friends were... jelous. I don't know. But they tried to convince us that we are too young, not stable etc. They got in our way and caused a lot of problems and doubts. I could say that almost every issue we had in our relationship was because of 3rd part. But our love grew stronger, complicated, but REAL. I have never loved anyone as I love(d) him. I know he felt the same. We engaged, wanted kids and life together at only 18 years old. But he had his influence of his friends and family, I've got mine. Well... we cheated on each other. He actually had flirt and nothing more, but it really hurt me to the point I was no longer excited to be in that relationship. I felt sad, betrayed, not worthy... and few months later I cheated too. It was flirt at first, then we broke up, and I had sex with the other guy after that. But in my heart I feel like I betrayed him so so so bad. When we broke up, he was crying like I've never seen him before. He was really bad mentally, begging me to be together, promising me that we will be together some day even if that means 5 years from now. Months after that he was reaching me every day, texting me, calling me, etc. But I ignored him, I wanted to move on and to feel happy again... Now, After 2 years of being separated, we both moved on with our lives. I am currently living with a really good guy, but I don't love him. I know he had(s) realtionship too. I wrote to him last year, he didn't even SEEN it. I know he is talking crap behind my back, he even wanted to meet my current boyfriend and talk to him. He eventually did and told him about my cheat, that he cheated me more than once (which I do not believe) and crap like that. A lot of his friends are requesting me on FB, writing to me, even talking to me about him. Members from his family still like my pictures and stuff. But he... he doesn't seem to care about me. He haven't contacted me since I am in relationship. So I don't know what to do. I am afraid to contact him. I am afraid that it he does not love me, or even worse - ignore me I would be so devestated. I don't even care about my current relationship, I don't care about how hard it would be to get together and heal the wounds. For these 2 years I realized that he is the ONE I will never be able ot open my heart again for anyone else. I dream about seeing him, talking to him, but I am so scared. It took me 2 years to admit to myself that. I was trying to move on, be happy, have a new life, I even changed the country... nothing works. I am happy for a while, and then I get back to "reality" which is a life without the one I love. I hope with all my heart you can help me, advice me or just talk to me. No one is supporting me about this, and I know it might be bad to feel this way... but I can't change it. Hope you have a good day.