To porn, or not to porn??

Discussion in 'Sex Advice' started by Mom, Jan 20, 2015.

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  1. Mom

    Mom New Member

    :concern: Ok guys and gals,
    First off i'd like to thank you for taking the time to read this and the time to reply to my post.
    Ok so Im a 25 year old female, and im husband is 29, we've been married for 5 years with a 4 year old.
    This problem is our sex life, It boring, it lacks spice, foreplay, and length! and by length i mean 1-2 minutes :(
    I have huge self esteem issues with myself, and i dont allow him to look at porn because it hurts my feeling really bad
    and it makes me feel like im not good enough to look at, it's to the point to where ive almost left him beacause of it, it
    became an addiction for him, and the go to thing instead of me. we had a talk today finally about things, he said that i dont allow
    him to jack off anymore, so thats why he does not last long. I told him i dont care that he pleasures himself, i just dont think
    he should have to look at other women on the internet to do so. I asked him does he have to look at that in order to "peak" if you will,
    and he said "unfortunalty yes because it prepares you." whatever that means......
    I told him why dont i take some sexy pictures of me? and it said ya we could try that, but then it wont be as exciting for me when i see you naked.
    that made me feel bad. I know women are emotional creatures, but if a guy could please explain to me what that means.
    So here my big thing, I am contemplating letting him resume watching porn to inhance our sex life, but im scarred shitless that its going to consume him
    and if he starts he wont be able to stop like before. And then theres the issue of me feeling like **** beacause he cant get off to me like i
    can get off to him. Please guys tell me that this is something that you all do, that its nothing about how you spouse of girlfriend looks.
    I am so self consious and i dont know how to decide what to do. Im torn because i want to have great sex again like we use to, but at the same
    time im hurt that it is going to require me to feel self concious to get to that point. Im hurt that he needs to look at other women to make our sex life
    better again. what do it do? Please help??! Be honest with me please!
     
  2. Wornout

    Wornout New Member

    Guys are so visual that's it's just plain easy for us to become consumed with porn. My wife has no problem with me looking at porn on the internet BUT it doesn't interfere with us in any way. I don't feel compelled to look at it nor do I open a computer before lovemaking. I think what I am saying is, most all guys look ay porn but in a way similar to you wanting to finish that good novel. It's fun and enjoyable to us. Sure it turns us on and so it becomes easy for it to escalate. There are definitely danger signs we men should be aware of... kind of like drinking to much alcohol.

    Yes, it does sound like he has a problem if he requires porn to be intimate with you. Most of what I read about "professionals" discussing porn addiction is a little over the top for me - some would recommend therapy for me. LOL. So, in my opinion, some porn is fine. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. If it is at the point of him NEEDING it to be satisfied (emotionally and physically) then there is a problem that needs to be addressed. I think your suggestion of taking pictures of yourself was very open minded and a wonderful way for you to help with a solution. I think the first step is for him to recognize there is a problem. Best of luck.
     
  3. JChristie

    JChristie New Member

    hi there. porn is a hot topic for me.
    1. i think that it gives guys an unrealistic idea about how to have sex, how a woman "should" respond, and other stuff.
    like you, i began to feel more and more pressure to perform like porn people when my boyfriend wanted to watch porn more and more. i acutally watched with him. at first it was exciting for me. but over time, it did seem like he was more interested in the porn than me as a person.

    2. it does seem to be addictive. in fact, there could be all kinds of sublimanal stuff in porn that makes it addictive, and we wouldn't even know.
    3. relationships suffer because of the unrealistic expectations of the man. for example, in porn, the girls are horny all the time. real women can't be horny all the time because they have to car pool, clean the house, work a boring job, etc. so this is very bad for the ability of men to be satisfied with a REAL woman.

    this is a tough problem. if your husband really loves you, he should want to do something about his porn "needs". i am not buying his reasons for "needing " porn. unfortunately, if you push this, and he doesn't want to change his behaviors, then you may have to deal with more feelings of rejection and doubt.

    or you can push back a little. i am confident you are one of the american super women who work, clean, cook, do laundry, and mostly parent the children. and like most american super women, you aren't getting the acknowledgement and appreciation for this. in fact, you are being taken for granted i suspect.

    so let him watch porn, but you are going to stop providing one of the "services" that he has come to expect from you and is taking for granted.
    this issue is not just about sex, this is something that is part of your total relationship. there is an imbalance. you need to get him to focus on all the great things you do for him and your relationship. if you stop doing something he will notice, your dialogue can now change from just about the sex to the whole relationship.

    good luck, and check out the free eBook i have on my website, How to Keep a man. you can also contact me if you need any more ideas. dating4women.com
     
  4. Panwhorasbox.com

    Panwhorasbox.com New Member

    Maybe I'm bias but PORN lol I own a few porn sites but honestly it never never my cup of tea, a female got me into it and I ran with it
     
  5. bastian36

    bastian36 New Member

    Why not porn? Explore your wild side and maybe you'll find something that you like, but didn't know you do. Just do it.
     
  6. upandrunning

    upandrunning New Member

    Damn Mom forget your self esteem...there is nothing wrong with you. Your trivial other, however, has serious issues. Demand he enter some sort of program, have them sign off on him after 30 days, and then at the first hint of his former interests you contact a lawyer--WITHOUT warning him. Don't worry about your future. You have a 4 yo. Claim child endangerment, take him for every last dime, and send him off to prison, where he will quickly become a porn star in his own right.
     
  7. Maryme

    Maryme New Member

    What bad in porn? Why not?
     
  8. hotvideos

    hotvideos New Member

    why not porn? i think porn give you best pleasure in sex. porn videos give you several ways of different pleasure. i think you should understand your husband feelings and try as he want.






    Add me to Snapchat for Sexy pics and Videos. my ID is "mediabunny"
     
  9. Exploringnewthings

    Exploringnewthings New Member

    My other half likes a bit of porn himself.

    I understand if the mood strikes you just go with it. But sometimes I know he has done this when im upstairs in bed asleep.
    Would love to be woken for the nookie. But hey thats another time for that one.

    But since talking about it, ive found out its more visual.
    Its not cause he doesnt want me. Even after 2 kids.
    Infact its made us get closer and try new things.

    We watched some together this week, and it was fun.
    Also its introduced some new bits for the bedroom i didnt think I could do.
    Turns out the porns stars are clever ladies.

    Anyways, Embrace it. Join him.
    Dont hate on your body. Love what you got.
    Confidence is key. I am not excatly a model but I had my fella like putty in my hands the other day. No way was he thinking about porn then!

    Its all fun really isnt it.
     
  10. atourist

    atourist New Member

    I want to offer some reassurance to the original poster, but first have to say I don't think 'porn addiction' affects any more than a tiny minority of men, and then only where they have other issues that never apply to the majority of us men. Frankly, women who talk about porn addiction being common really don't give us much credit for having anything between our ears. We are not animals.

    I found your post quite sad. You are missing out on a happy sex life and contentment with yourself, and it's mostly over mis-placed fears. I doubt very much whether your man would see you as inferior to the women in porn movies. Far from it. It just doesn't work like that. The pleasure of porn and masturbation is completely different to the pleasure of sex with your wife/girlfriend/lover, so I don't see why he would ever choose porn instead of you. In fact, I don't see why there should be a choice. It's a bit like saying if he has a liking for chicken, so you might as well throw away the cakes. He - and even you - can easily enjoy both without any problems, but lots of benefits.

    I think your self esteem would benefit massively from having a nice sex life and the key to that is talk about it, keep an open mind, explore together, don't judge (and definitely don't pre-judge), and see sex as something that brings you together if you let it happen without worrying about it.

    So let him watch his porn. It's nearly always harmless, it will help relieve his stress (and therefore yours) and if you watch it together, you'll get some great new ideas. It will also show you that what you might think is dirty, kinky or even immoral is being enjoyed by millions of people, and they can't all be wrong. It's a great way to liberate yourself.

    How do I know? We've been married for 27 very happy years. My wife sometimes watches porn with me and on those nights when there is no electricity between us or she is too tired, she is more than happy for me to watch porn and masturbate beside her. She often helps!

    In my experience the biggest problem with marriages is one or other of the couple not coming to terms with the imbalance between libidos. It is impossible for you both to be ready for sex at exactly the same time every night, and there is no shame if one of you is much more aroused or much less aroused than the other. The trick is to find ways to understand, compromise and be patient. Achieve that and all the worries you mentioned in your original post will soon fade away.

    Lighten up. Intimacy with the person you love is one of life's greatest blessings. There are much worse things to worry about in the world.
     
  11. freddygaviscon

    freddygaviscon New Member

    To porn, but in a clever way. Just don't use porn every day and choose something artistic. For the best porn sites, I use Top Porn Sites > [2017 SECRETS] Best Pay Porn Sites Guide It's a free reviews site with just top rated porn sites. I suggest cinema verso, just to give an example!
     

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