Twice a month sex. But he watches porn 4 times a week?

Discussion in 'Sex Advice' started by MISSCH, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. MISSCH

    MISSCH New Member

    My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Hes 24 this year and im 26. We don’t live together (still live with parents). We have a good relationship .. enjoy each others company, make each other laugh, share the same interests etc. we really are each others “soulmate” and “the one” for each other. We want the same things out of life and we promise each other forever. We have had no arguments or fall outs in 4 years. No ‘breaks’. Nothing. We are compatible in every single way.

    My boyfriend is quite cold hearted. I think is the word. Hes not very affectionate, doesn’t talk about his feelings, doesn’t show much emotion – although he was the total opposite for the first year we were together. But I understand you always are when you are getting to know someone. He gets irritated quite easily (his mam thinks its due to his severe dyslexia) and is a bit selfish sometimes. I accept all that. I am nowhere near perfect either and he doesn’t complain about my bad points. He seems to love me unconditionally and I feel the same way about him too.

    However, a problem has occurred lately that is upsetting me. I will give you a full story so you can understand

    He lost his job last year (made redundant) but the same company he worked for offered him another job in another office on an 18 month contract – which runs out in August this year. And lately hes been really fed up with the team hes working with, he reckons he wont get kept on after his contract ends so is looking for other jobs. He has stopped smoking cigarettes and weed (hes smoked both since he was 13 year old). And instead he plays his online games every night. Even the one night a week he comes to stay at mine hes on my computer for hours. I stay at his on a Friday and Saturday night and he stays at mine on a Tuesday, I go over to his house most other nights but come back home around 10pm as I get up for work early the next day.

    We have stopped going out and doing things like cinema etc – all because we are saving money. I need a new car, he needs to fix his project car up – and we are saving bits of money for a house together eventually.

    My problem is … sex! Like I said earlier in my post, we are compatible in every way. When we do have sex it is amazing, we both cum, we both enjoy it. But the problem is that we have gone down to ‘doing it’ twice a month.

    I know the honeymoon period is over. We used to be at it every day or a few times a week, and its slowly dwindled down to this.

    The other day I sent him a few rude pictures before going to bed. He ignored them and I later found he deleted them out of the messages on his phone. He come over to mine the day after, I laid on my bed naked as I always do, as he was on my computer playing his game, he come to bed and he was just not interested in touching me or cuddling or anything. We just watched a movie, kissed goodnight then went to sleep. I then went to his house the next night .. he was playing his game most the night, we chatted, I went home. I am able to log onto his email account, which also shows me his web search history. And I found that not much longer after I left his house he logged onto a porn site … I was a bit upset as if hes horny, im there and im never going to turn him down. I always want it!

    I sent him a text message the next day and mentioned about us not being naughty for ages and I wanted to when I seen him later and it pissed him off. He said I should stop sending him texts like that and I should know he has things on his mind, how I should concentrate on getting myself fit (ive been dieting and exercising to lose weight – I need to lose a lot!) and stop being insecure. If it happens then it happens whether we are at his house or my house. It hurt me and I told him I just wanted to do something to make him happy. He assured me I make him happy always no matter what I do then told me not to go to his on the night. So I didnt.

    I logged on to his web history that night, and he had been on porn sites. Which upset me even more. Hes only on them for a matter of 10 minutes .. just enough time to find one he wants to watch kinda thing. Then hes off them and onto another thing like ebay or something for a few minutes. Then I get the generic goodnight text we always send saying hes going to bed and that he loves me.

    I know im in the wrong for snooping. But every single day since then, I go on and I find out that hes looking at porn after ive gone home or the nights im not there.

    I use porn sites myself, im not a prude or anything. But I only use them because im not getting anything off him. I think as im losing weight my sex drive is going crazy and surely he should take advantage of that? In a way I do understand that sex requires effort and that some men just cant be bothered when they are tired/stressed/got things on their mind. I know women are exactly the same too.

    I just don’t understand how he can look at these sites like 4 days a week and obviously masturbate, yet he only wants sex with me twice a month? He doesn’t watch a certain type of porn, and its not like I don’t do anything that these porn stars do. I do everything he wants because I love everything. We have experimented so much and ive dressed up and done everything like that. If he wants me to stop being so insecure .. does he not realise that by him not showing me affection and being intimate with me, yet watching porn this often, that it makes me feel even more insecure because I think its all my fault that I don’t have the perfect body yet? Regardless of how hard im trying.

    I just don’t know what to do. I cant confront him about it because I cant say that ive been on his account and seen his search history – he wasn’t impressed with me the other year for looking on his Hotmail account and ended up changing his password – to which I still don’t know the new one. He will go mental and I don’t want to cause our first argument over something so stupid that shouldn’t even bother me.

    I know he isn’t cheating on me because he never has the time away from me to do so. Hes a very honest and blunt person and says what he thinks and he doesn’t like to spend time with people who he doesn’t like. He has no ties with me (house, baby, money etc). So he has nothing to lose but my love and my heart and obviously my company if he ended this relationship if he wanted to, so that’s how I know he is generally happy with me.

    I know someone will comment saying he doesn’t treat me right, but he does. Every other area of our lives hes the ideal boyfriend. I could sit here all day and justify how so you all know, but I haven’t got that time. I accept his game playing and how hes being moody and withdrawn because I know how hard it is to stop smoking cigarettes and weed and I know how hard it must be for him at work and to find another job what will accept his dyslexia.

    I know this porn thing might just be his way of relaxing his over active mind before going to sleep or that masturbating is a quick few minutes for him whereas sex between us we take our time and make sure we are both satisfied.

    I just need someone to give me a good shake and tell me to get a grip. That this is perfectly normal. That im just being insecure and over reacting. Or someone to give me some ideas of how I can make him more attentive and enjoy me instead of the porn.

    Im sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I just needed to sit and type and rant and get it all out.

    I literally have no one I can talk to about this. Be as blunt and as honest as you want, I can take it!
     
  2. Francisco23

    Francisco23 New Member

    So, he's a porn addict. You may need to get him unhooked from this addiction so as to get more sex out of him. Porn will have guys masturbating everyday and forgetting that they got a woman who needs sex too. Check if he's seeing anyone else too, as a precaution.
     
  3. True2marie

    True2marie New Member

    You need to make a quality of life decision regarding your boyfriend? Ask yourself the following questions . . .

    1) Do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn't satisfy me sexually?
    2) Can I deal with a man who's addicted to porn and may or may not go on a binge at a moments notice?
    3) Are my man's good qualities enough to keep me happy despite his bad ones?

    Your answers to the above can help you decide what to do next. So, in other words, you either stay and work on your relationship, which means you'll have to confront him about porn addiction or leave and get with someone else.
     
  4. MyPaperBleedsInk

    MyPaperBleedsInk New Member

    Get out of the relationship.

    Telling you to focus more on getting fit, when you ask him about getting intimate, is NOT okay.

    Find someone with a similar libido to your own.
     
  5. DonRich

    DonRich New Member

    You said to be blunt so I will be. Guys like porn and like to masturbate to it. But I don't think you should blame his affection for porn for his disinterest in you. You admit to needing to lose a lot of weight. That is what I would blame for his loss of interest in you sexually. I can love a woman regardless of how she looks. There are a lot of people I love in different ways regardless of their appearance. But I can't make love to a woman I am not sexually attracted to. My penis doesn't care how wonderful the woman is, it only cares about how sexually stimulating her looks are. If it makes you feel better to attribute his lack of interest to job pressures, quitting smoking, or watching porn nothing is going to change. Bite the bullet and do everything you can to lose weight, tone up, and return to competition form. Use some makeup, fix you hair, dress sexy, get fit, and his interest will return. Get your self-confidence and self-respect back and you will get his attention back. People can bullshit themselves into thinking looks don't or shouldn't matter but when it comes to sex nothing matters as much.
     
  6. freddygaviscon

    freddygaviscon New Member

    It's not bad to watch porn, try to watch it with him! I can suggest some artistic and softcore porn sites. For the best porn sites, you can try Best Porn Sites » The 2017 World's Best Pay Porn Sites It's a free searching tool specialized in cinematographic porn. Hope it works!
     

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