Unusually affectionate one night stand

Discussion in 'Relationship Questions' started by FriendlyStranger, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. FriendlyStranger

    FriendlyStranger New Member

    I've had one night stands before, I don't think sex and love have to be together so casual sex without expectations is something I'm fine with. I don't demand cuddles and affection if it's just about sex, I don't even expect to stay over. It seems everywhere I look I hear about girls being clingy and attached after one night stands but I am not like that myself.

    I met a guy in a club Friday night, a friend of a friend who sort of works with me and who I had briefly met once before. We talked for quite a while, ended up kissing...a lot, and then we headed back to his place. We had some awesomely wild sex, all this is pretty much what I was expecting from the night.

    What struck me as unusual was how he was afterwards. Let me point out that beforehand I was very clear on how I am not available for a relationship and he seemed fine with this. After we had sex, he asked me to stay for the night (he asked me if I was able to stay for the night, I asked if that was what he wanted, and he said that he did). He spent the whole night cuddling me, kissing my face, holding me. The next day when we woke up we had sex again, and after that he still was cuddling me, talking about how he'd really enjoyed being with me and he said looked forward to us having shifts together in the future. I am not sure why he was so affectionate with a hook up, it's not like the other guys I have slept with have bolted away instantly or anything but I haven't had a guy want to hold me so close all night who was not my boyfriend. I don't think he has feelings for me as don't know eachother well, so I am puzzled.

    I was the one who said I had to leave that morning, I probably could have stayed there way longer as with his arms around me the whole time, he didn't exactly seem eager to get rid of me! I didn't say too much when I left, in fact I pretty much just asked how to get to the station and asked if what happened could be kept just between us to avoid gossip (to which he agreed). Then I rushed off without even a hug goodbye. Is it weird that I feel bad about that? Bad that he was so sweet to me even on the morning after and I was kind of cold? This guy said some nice things about me, I didn't say any back to him or mention that I had fun, I think I just sounded overly concerned about this being kept secret and nothing else. I am actually worried that he thinks I have regrets, I don't, it was a great night and while I don't want anything serious I wouldn't be opposed to hooking up again sometime. It'd be such a shame if that memory was ruined by him thinking that I regretted the whole thing. We're likely to run into eachother again sometime but that could be months away, I kind of wish I knew how to let him know that I appreciated the time together too without it seeming that I am stalkerish.

    So I guess my two thoughts are 1) What made the guy so incredibly affectionate when he doesn't even know me well? It's not like he needed to do that to seduce me and that was obvious.

    and 2) Would cold morning-after behaviour from someone you hooked up with make you feel bad or differently about what happened between you?

    Also, first post here :D hello everyone who reads this!
  2. Sandra Piddock

    Sandra Piddock New Member

    Well, it sounds to me as if you're getting tired of the one night stands, and maybe you do want something a bit more meaningful, but you don't want to admit it to yourself. Maybe his affectionate behaviour has brought it home to you that one night stands can actually be very unsatisfactory in the long term. I'm not passing any sort of judgement here - just trying to work out why you feel so guilty about this, because you clearly do.

    I don't think you can really contact him without doing a complete about face on the conditions you placed on your night together. All you can do is wait until you meet up again, and then say something like 'thanks for a great night,' without being too heavy about it. That will give him the intro for a repeat performance if that's what he wants.
  3. FriendlyStranger

    FriendlyStranger New Member

    Hi :)

    I most likely would just wait to see how things are next time we meet, I am useless at contacting people :D. I have spent most of my youth in long relationships so far (my number of ONS's isn't *that* huge :D ) so I am not sure it's me looking for something else, I guess I just have trouble reading people so I get very confused when they act differently to what I've expected. I don't like to part ways on bad terms with anyone and I hope I haven't given off the impression that I have regrets.

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