Very complicated affair with a recently married girl. Need urgent advice please!

Discussion in 'Relationship Questions' started by ThePianist, Oct 14, 2017.


What should i do?

  1. Cut her off from my life

    1 vote(s)
  2. Keep in her my life

    0 vote(s)
  1. ThePianist

    ThePianist New Member

    Hello, thank you for reading this. I'm going to be brief, but accurate. I'm a guy of 24. Studying in med school, and soon to be a doctor. And I'm also a moderately popular rising musician. Financially still striving, though. Around 7 months ago, I was betrayed by the girl I loved and I got really broken & alone. Was so mentally broken that I missed my professional exam. For nearly 5 months I was very isolated from the world & I did nothing but tried to make myself stronger for re-appearing in the exam this coming November. 2 months ago, I met a girl on facebook, (She is 22). Basically she came into my life, we became friends. After some time we got more intimate (virtually, of course), she confessed her deep affection & love for me. She told me that she understood that I was broken & she would love me & heal me without expecting anything in return. I was enjoying her love, her gentle care & affection. I was getting emotional for her too. Our chemistry is so amazing, we just clicked. The spark between us is amazing. Her emotional intelligence is also as good as mine.

    Suddenly her family wanted to marry her off last month. She called me crying, and said to me, "I love you & I know you love me too. My dad is trying to marry me off with one of his friend's son. If you want to marry me or see any future with me, then please tell me & I will do anything to stop this wedding. I'll run off with you If you just tell me once. I love you. I don't love this guy that my dad is trying to marry me off with"

    I was in a very difficult situation, because of two reasons:-

    (1) Even though we were very close & I really liked her, I didn't have the confidence to ensure her with the promise of marriage only with our 1 month of knowing each other.
    (2) I was betrayed in love before, so I was kinda skeptical about girls. I thought to myself that she was just infatuated with me. It will pass.

    So, for this reasons, I advised her to listen to her parents & marry the guy & be happy. and eventually she had to marry that guy.

    She cried a lot. But, she was understanding of my situation & didn't blame me. I decided to remain as her friend & give her comfort.

    Even though she is married, she still lives with her parents. Her husband works for a company as an executive, and his plan is to take her to his home after she graduates (maybe after 2 years). Meanwhile he just comes every now & then. She says he's a nice & polite guy, good with her family & siblings. but it's hard for her to adjust with him emotionally. Said she would try to love him.

    Now, the problem is, she's very much in love with me. She wants to talk with my every night for long duration. Even throughout the day, she calls me to know what I'm doing, if I had my lunch in time etc.
    I am in love with her too, but I don't show my affection much (at least I try my best not to) so that she distance herself from me & learn to love her husband. But nothing is working. She gets jealous too if I talk with any other girl. (But of course, she just gets very hurt, but doesn't put pressure on me). I'm too afraid to hurt her too, because I love her so much.

    She understands that we don't have a future together anymore, but says she can't live without me. Even after she got married, we got carried away and was having phone sex. But after some days, she had the first sex of her life with her husband (she was a virgin). She called me up, and cried so much to me, saying that the whole time of sex with her husband, she was fighting with herself & all she could think of was me.

    Honestly, it was so heartbreaking for me too, hearing her say that. I didn't know what to say.
    We continued to have phone sex and intimate convos even though I was feeling bad about it & wanted to stop it. In my mind, I started feeling like I'm just a guy who's just her "virtual emotional getaway". I started to distance myself from her more, stopped showing care for her at all, even though I loved her so much.

    Then we confronted each other on skype video chat, I told her how bad I felt about this. She told me, she feels bad about it everyday too. She can't continue cheating on her husband anymore, even though she doesn't love him. I felt like we were on the same page of our guilty conscience. We mutually decided to become friends, even though we are intensely physically & emotionally attracted to each other. She wanted to meet me in person too & I am supposed to meet her next month (she lives in another city). I have no idea what might happen.

    But the issue is, she gets crazy if we don't talk for a single day. She gets crazy if I don't stay in line on the phone while she sleeps. She says she needs me to kiss her to sleep every night. Otherwise she can't sleep. I tried telling her that it's not the way friendship works.... but she doesn't understand. She's too emotional for my kisses & my care and overall my presence in her life.

    What should I do? Should I meet her at all? Should I just run away? What are the other options that I have? Please mention. I'm seriously in deep confusion. I love her too, that's the saddest part.

    Please advice.

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