What does he want?

Discussion in 'Break Up Forum' started by LeeLoo Pooh, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. LeeLoo Pooh

    LeeLoo Pooh New Member

    My ex and I broke up about a year ago after a very short and messed up relationship. We barely ever saw each other, he was chronically unavailable to the point I would never see him, I cared a lot about him as I felt he was the one for me, but was continuously frustrated by his behaviour, and whenever I would complain, I would get attacked for smothering him or being insecure. I felt he really liked me, but clearly, there were problems even love couldn't fix. After I sent him a few nasty messages, he broke up with me, I think at least a part of him did it because he thought he couldn't cope with a relationship. Tragically, I knew how much he had liked me. After the break up, he hurt me some more by putting it on social networks, implying I was a horrible person.

    My heart was broken but eventually I moved on. And then I found out we would attend the same wedding as the best man and the maid of honour. Our friends know of our situation but still asked us to dance the first dance together. I was worried about seeing him again as we had been NC for almost a year, and then a few days ago he texted me out of the blew, super friendly and asked if maybe we could practice for our special dance together. I was confused by this dance as the bride hadn't told me anything about this. He was convinced there was a dance he and I were dancing by ourselves. Curious as I am, I said yes to meeting up with him. He texted me again the night before telling me he doesn't want to cause me trouble and if I am too nervous about seeing him, we wouldn't have to. Again, this is someone who publicly put me on blast a year ago.

    So we met at his friend's house while nobody was there but the two of us. This was one of the rare times he didn't actually postpone our arrangement . He was super friendly. We chatted for a while, as we used to, we had clicked the first time we met, all about the things that have happened to us. It was so easy talking to him, joking, like we were meeting for the first time. Then the comments started. I mentioned the dress for the wedding, and on a couple of occasions he told me he's sure I'd be a beautiful maid of honour. I then asked if he had booked a room in the hotel we are staying at for the wedding, he said he hadn't yet but wouldn't mind sharing the room with me. Then I told him I am concerned my dress will go up during all the dancing, to which he said he wouldn't mind that, in fact he would be fine with that. While we were dancing he kept staring into my eyes and I kept looking away as I was very confused. He offered to share a taxi but I just kind of rushed out of the house and left. He also implied he wants to dance with me a lot that evening.

    I am by no means saying I want to get back together with him, I cared so much about him and he broke my heart, but being around him brought some old memories back. I am scared though, this is someone who publicly put me down and claimed I had broken him. Now he is being flirty and super casual? Any advice? Thank you. L.
  2. bocuahus

    bocuahus New Member

    Life is short, you should not spend time with people who just know take away your happiness
    Try to think of that, can you live happy if you are too concerned about what others say? Of course, you can not be happy if you are immersed in the sorrows of the past. You know, you absolutely deserve to be loved, not alone. But first of all, did you know how to love yourself? Learn to love yourself then love others, it is the secret to life as you want it.
    I'm researching about love topics like this. visit 10 tips to help you learn to love yourself before you want to give love to someone
  3. Unnaturalthings

    Unnaturalthings Active Member

    Your relationship sounded pretty awful and intense. I totally understand him wanting to not have awkwardness with you at your friend's wedding and ruin a great night for you both. I don't think it's appropriate for him to be making those comments to you after everything that has happened and is still basically unresolved.

    I would do everything in your power to avoid a hook up situation until you are feeling confident in your own strength around him. It's normal to feel some unsettled feelings with exes when you come across them, especially in a romantic wedding setting, but you don't want a repeat of everything you went through last year.
  4. drsky

    drsky Member

    Dear Leeloopooh,

    He probably wants to give it a shot, perhaps regretting they way he treated you, or missed you. Break ups mostly messy and are hurting. Now, it is not what he wants, but what you want also. And they way he treats you now, could be different from before, if he had matured.
    You can just keep him as a close friend and see the way he treats you, some people change over time, some dont; you can only find out by giving it a chance, that is, if you can bear to do that. Or else just move on with yourself, and later there should be no regrets for not giving it a try, nor should you regret and hurt yourself if it should go sour again if you give it a chance.
    It all depends on how much you are willing to take a chance, how he treats you in the process, and how the relationship goes.
    You can openly ask him after a while as to what he is expecting from you by talking to you and meeting with each other again: friendship ties or more....


    And pray to GoD daily(for GOD is love) and help couples and singles seeking love and marriage as much as possible, so that
    positive karma/action will bring love into your life.

    Wish you the best,
  5. Mike Booyens

    Mike Booyens New Member


    To me it sounds like he is also confused and not sure what he wants. And he most def does like the flirting and the way you make him feel because you obviously do make him feel good.

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    Good luck with this.

    Thank you

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