I’m a 40 year old male who has been in love with a certain female since high school. I hadn’t seen her in a few years but still thought of her occasionally. 3 years ago she came to work at the same company I work for. We became close friends, with her still not knowing how I felt. She was married with two kids. We talked a lot, about life in general, family, weather etc etc... Again, she’s been my dream girl for 15 + years. But I never mentioned it to her. During one of our talks , it turned to sex, likes dislikes and so on. She named a lot of people she had slept with in high school, some I know some I didn’t. But, one particular one was my best friend. Fast forward a few months and she’s divorced. She showed interest in me, and I was delighted!! Like a dream come true, finally getting the one I’ve always wanted! After going out a few times, one night it appeared sex was imminent, but, my mind went back to her saying who all she slept with and I couldn’t do it ! I wanted to, but my mind wouldn’t let me. I tried telling her but she was hurt, upset and confused. I can’t have sex with her because of it, let alone be with her in a relationship. There’s no way in hell I’d ever get past her being with him. Anyone else ever feel this way ? I have harsh rules on sex, I know that. I’ve never done oral on anyone due to not wanting my mouth where someone had their dick. And I’ve never had unprotected sex. But for some reason I can’t even do her with a condom.