You Should Have Low Expectations For Online Dating

Discussion in 'Online Dating' started by dannyboy, May 21, 2013.

  1. dannyboy

    dannyboy New Member

    Online dating is a very tricky in my opinion and I think that if you are going to do it, you need to go into the process with low expectations. Some people are going to say things in their profile that are not true and they are going to make things up. The person you end up meeting could end up being a lunatic. There are so many bad things that can happen.
     
  2. Esperahol

    Esperahol New Member

    Okay. Do you have any questions related to this topic or need someone to look over things? This just seems like a posting or something.
     
  3. dorothymoreno

    dorothymoreno New Member

    I believe it can be a really tricky way to be dating and of course you do have to be careful, but I do know some people who were lucky enough to meet there partner in life this way, but again that is not always the case. As in all situations whether it be online, or at a bar or wherever you need to always be very careful of the people you meet, this is anywhere, although online it is easier to put things that aren't true and could be people out to hurt others, so either way, I would say always be careful....
     
  4. vpresson

    vpresson New Member

    I think if anyone is going to try and look to meet new people they should just try facebook it's a little better cause on facebook everyone is an open book and if there is any red flags most of the time you can catch them before ever meeting.
     
  5. mz_angie1987

    mz_angie1987 New Member

    I agree with you 100%. When I was 19, I am not 25, I met someone on a phone chat line and I befriended this person for so many years. We were only friends because he was looked like an old man, he told me he was 27. This person has lied about everything, and I now have known him for six years and I have just recently found out that he is gay with a daughter and he is now 49. It is terrible how people can keep up with lies. So, I would definitely go in with low expectations.
     
  6. Helen

    Helen New Member

    Well, I’m really not impressed with this Internet dating. I’ve been a member of one of the paid sites in the UK for a few months, I would rather say hello to people I like the look of than just answer the messages I get, which mainly seem to be the usual ‘hi gorgeous, wanna chat?’ – that requires no effort and no evidence that they’ve even bother to read my profile! Anyway, I did answer one message from a nice looking chap quite local to me, because he picked up on something I said in my profile and was very witty.

    He seemed polite and not too flirty from the off, just funny and friendly, and we e-mailed for about three weeks, so I kind of got an idea of what he’d be like. Not a heavy drinking ‘laddish’ type, rather studious but not geeky. Very clever. Anyway, we arranged to meet, and had a lovely meal out in a gorgeous restaurant, I liked his company a lot. We went on to a cheesy 80s club that was a lot of fun and we had a dance and a bit of a snog. At the end of the night he did suggest me going back to his place, but somehow I get this weird thing when I really like someone’s personality that I don’t want to sleep with them from the off, just to check out that they’re the ‘real thing’ if you know what I mean. So he was fine, ran me home and was still really friendly, and said he’d call at the weekend, hopefully I thought to arrange another date.

    He didn’t call, or e-mail either – I’d got used to getting three or four e-mails a day from him – for four days, so I started to worry a bit. My e-mail did tell me I had new messages at the dating site, so I logged in there mainly to clear the box, as it was the usual rubbish, but because this site tells you when a person logged in, I had a quick check of this guy I’d been out with, and surprise surprise, he had been logged in that day... presumably exchanging messages with some other girl and setting up a date with someone who’d sleep with him on the first date.

    That was 2 weeks ago, there’s been no contact since, I don’t want to log into the site again because I don’t want him seeing me assuming I’m ‘playing the field’ as well because I’m not really. I don’t want to have a string of dates one after the other but I’m getting the feeling that for either sex on these dating sites, it’s like one of those tv reality shows, you’re competing with dozens of other site members for someone’s attention, and the chances of finding ‘someone special’ are minimal, because everyone is being encouraged to ‘keep looking’ for something better. I would have liked to have got to know this guy properly and even maybe contemplated a relationship, but he was obviously just setting me up as one in a line to ‘try out’. I’m glad I didn’t sleep with him anyway, though I was tempted.

    So does anyone have any faith in online dating sites to start relationships? or are people using it as a conveyor belt of free meals for women lol or casual sex for men... maybe there are women using it for casual sex too, but I wouldn’t jump straight into bed with someone I’d met online.
     
  7. Helen

    Helen New Member

    Wouldn't you say messaging a complete stranger on Facebook is well creepy? I imagine there are singles pages and groups, but then if you 'like' one of these pages, it gets posted to all your real friends and it's like saying 'hey! Look at me! I'm single and desperate!' :D
     
  8. AdamWesis

    AdamWesis New Member

    Helen you are right . That's why I avoid to like that pages, only go for search option and check their post :devilish: .

    "Expect less from Online dating" because you never know the mood of other person , either he/she is just pretended to be good to you :hehe: . My funda about expectation is "Expectation always hurts" so don't expect anything from anyone just live your life and enjoy the moment :thumb: :bananna:
     
  9. fancyfingers

    fancyfingers New Member

    If you are going to do online dating, I would assume people would make themselves sound greater than they really are. If you are going to do online dating, I would suggest saying yes to all the family and friends that want to fix you up on a blind date, because it is basically the same thing. What I mean is, you are going into the first date 'blind' both ways, why not go on a date with someone at least your family or friends know so if it really goes south, you have them to blame!
     
  10. vpresson

    vpresson New Member

    This is true. But I don't understand the point of this posting are you looking into online dating and are needing advice?
     
  11. ChanellG

    ChanellG New Member

    If someone I didn't know tried to use Facebook to get a date with me I would instantly block them. That is not what Facebook is for. I am involved in a lot of different things in public life that I use Facebook to promote; because of that I get a lot of friend requests from people who follow me on Twitter or are friends of friends, etc. I accept all friend requests on FB, though I restrict access to some things that are only shared with real world friends and my family.

    I have had random men contact me out of the blue and try and get a date via Facebook and I find it completely inappropriate. It's desperate and tacky and the equivalent of stalking someone. No woman I know appreciates being approached that way. Online dating is relatively anonymous in comparison with Facebook, especially if you don't post a photo.
     
    FacingFive likes this.
  12. ChanellG

    ChanellG New Member

    You are quite right that it can be tricky and there are many potentially bad things that can happen. That is why it is important to be careful and to take the time to message some one for a bit before sharing too much personal information and before meeting them in person. It's quite easy to find out if someone is who they say they are often enough by looking at their social networking profiles, especially on sites like Linked In.

    If you are really concerned about meeting someone unsavory, you can protect yourself by taking your time and finding out information about your potential dates that you can confirm via connections in the real world. Any person worth getting to know should understand and respect your reservations.
     
  13. FacingFive

    FacingFive New Member

    I think its easier to lie when writing a profile because you have more time to think about it. Everyone wants to make themselves look good. That's why profile dating can be a total waste of time. Just wait, webcam chat dating is the next big thing. Its harder to lie when you don't have time to think about it.

    That said, blind dates can be risky too, even if they are a friend of a friend. Be cautious. Meet in public, friend them on facebook and do some research on them. Perhaps group date for the first few times.
     
  14. AyeManda

    AyeManda New Member

    I absolutely agree that you should enter the online dating world with low expectations. Too many people create an idea of a person they are speaking to online in their head, and mold them to be the person they HOPE they are, and then get their hearts stomped on when they meet them in real life and are completely let down.

    You should approach online dating with the same attitude you have when you walk into a singles bar. You don't look at a stranger and envision running off into the sunset with them and begin planning your wedding colors. First you walk up to them, introduce yourself, and find out what they are all about (their job, values, opinions, hobbies, etc.). When a stranger begins messaging you online you shouldn't begin planning a future with them either, until you meet them in real life and find out what they are all about.
     
    FacingFive likes this.
  15. Emotion4Life

    Emotion4Life New Member

    Just wrong. Do not have any expectation. "Expectations are the Root of all Unhappiness". If things do not happen you expect, you will get unhappy and vice versa.
     
  16. steph84

    steph84 New Member

    I don't really get if there is a question here or if dannyboy is a spammer and forgot to include his ref link. lol :loser: I don't think you should have low expectations for anything in life. That's just super negative. I have met some amazing people online. The internet is a very helpful tool, but I do agree that you can meet some amazing losers as well. Just stay alert and don't fall for scammers. Always meet in public and be honest.
     
  17. redhead85

    redhead85 New Member

    Speaking of people who seem to chop and change their interest in you, I had the same thing with a fellow on a chat site. Sent pictures so that we knew who each other were. He kept writing nearly every day and texting for about three weeks - and then, when we decide to meet...nothing happens. On and on he had gone about wanting to finally be able to kiss me, when he gets a chance, nothing happens. Twas three weeks ago...

    Finally saw him online again just recently, and asked about what was going on. He went on about his ex, and that it was only 5-6mnths ago he'd broken up with her (they were apparently planning to buy a place together), after he had said that it had been a long while. Now he just 'wants to be friends'...after wasting my time for a month, he chickens out? Well, it got me to questioning myself, and wondering if it was me there was something wrong with. I'm like you, I don't just jump into bed with anyone, but the whole internet dating...it just seems like a platform for all sexual predators to do what they like, without consequence.

    Don't get me wrong, there are some lucky individuals - but let's face it, the plethora of fish you find on the internet dating sites - they're mostly sharks in disguise, willing to do or say anything you want just to land that last base. Word of advice is definitely to be careful - don't be taken aback if someone tells you somethng nice about youself...it may be simple flattery to get to the end goal.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2013
  18. ChanellG

    ChanellG New Member

    Some people just like the attention. It's like a game for them until confronted with having to face the other person in the real world. Also, as long as things stay online they can be anyone they choose because of the anonymity online dating provides. The best thing is to try and find out what you need to know upfront and then arrange a meeting if your basic criteria is met. It's not good to let things drag on more than a couple weeks without a face to face meeting.
     
  19. redhead85

    redhead85 New Member

    Totally agree. Lesson learned and certainly remembered. :) The tricky part is actually getting to know what you want to know and knowing that it's REAL and not some made-up story they feed you to keep you interested. Not saying it's not possible...but it's certainly tricky.
     
  20. houdini

    houdini New Member

    When I dabbled in online dating, I went into it with a "let's make some new friends" approach. It takes quite a bit of the pressure off of both parties, and it's a lot easier to do things like split up tabs or decide what you feel about that person.
     

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